No, No, Wait! It’s Just The State Legislature
Honest to God, this is a real headline.
It’s North Carolina so of course they are on edge. Where are the clowns going to go to the bathroom?
As you know, clowns are genderless so how will we know which bathroom they are can use? It’s North Damn Carolina – genitals are our major concern. Of course they are on edge.
The semi-almost-serious story is that several clowns have been spotted trying to lure children into the woods.
Police say a person dressed as a clown disappeared into the woods after being chased by a man wielding a machete on Tuesday — the third incident involving a clown in as many days in the Greensboro, North Carolina area.
A machete? Honey, I’ve been to three state fairs, two rodeos and goat stampede, but I have never in my life seen a man chase a clown with a machete.
Thanks to Bryan for the heads up.
Are they getting ready for Halloween? This sounds like something you’d see at a Halloween Horror/Haunted House event. Weird.
1Sounds like fun, though, don’t it?
This all has the whiff of hysteria, to me. I wouldn’t be a bit surprised to find out some kids told their parents a tall tale, and all of a sudden there are evil Pennywise type clowns everywhere.
2@Miz JJ,
I too have been to three state fairs, at least two rodeos, and the aforementioned goat roping AND by gawd I seen a duck fart under water, BUT like you I have never seen a man with a machete chase a clown. Now I’m not actually going to North or any other Carolina to see it, but I’ll appreciate the photographs of this event once they go viral, as inevitably they will.
3Don’t you love farce?
It’s the pervs’ fault, I fear.
I thought that you’d want what I want…
to use a stall in private, my dear!
And where are the clowns
Send in the clowns
Don’t bother, they’re here.
(apologies to Judy Collins)
4A machete? I’m surprised some 350 pound gun nut in their Walmart camo didn’t shoot the clown.
5It’s a funny story except for the fact these clowns are trying to lure children into the woods … nothing one bit funny about that!! If a child does follow a clown and ends up raped or dead or both … there will be no laughing about that!!
6I heard someone pulled a knife on Louie Gohmert once. Does that count?
7Aren’t kids usually scared of clowns?
8I have six great-grandchildren (strains of “Sunrise, Sunset” in the background), and I really did sharpen my machete just yesterday. The man’s chase seems to me like a perfectly understandable reaction to seeing a pervert dressed as a clown trying to lure children into the woods.
I probably wouldn’t feel the danger so much if I hadn’t been binge-watching Dr. Who reruns. In that context, Sarah Jane Smith would have been after the clown with a sonic lipstick.
9I agree with Repubanon. My daughter is almost 45 and clowns still give her the creeps.
Instead of a machete, wouldn’t a more appropriate weapon for fending off clowns be a seltzer bottle?
10I remember back in the mists of time when a fellow Airborne trooper enticed a local young lady, old enough to know better, out into a cornfield for a romantic moment, outside Ft. Bragg. Her boyfriend/husband/stalker/significant other/whatever showed up with a machete. He took off, and heard the machete going “swish, swish” behind him. He said that’s when he learned that you don’t just run as fast as you can, you run as fast as you have to. I know it’s hard to believe that an Airborne soldier would do any of those things, but none of us is perfect.
11Seriously, I have to drive to Austin this afternoon, and will be there through Friday. Is just a machete enough protection? Thankfully the legislature is not in session.
12Have been seeing items about clown sightings in wooded areas in NC. Seems there is something about enticing children. Cops were called several times but nothing really came of it. If someone actually has eyeballed a clown, that would really be news!
13@Mah Fellow Murkuhn
The only way to uhh expand that tale is to add how the Airborne fellow jumped headlong into his motor car and exited stage left like a bat outa hell (with apologies to Mr Loaf). Then when he had driven far, far away and stopped to breathe, when he gets out of the car, he discovers a machete impaled in the roof just behind the driver’s door. Uuuuuuu. Ahhhhhh. Sparkles!!!!
14There’s no way in hell either of my kids would have gone within 100 yards of a clown. Every kid I have known over the years hates clowns. Only thing worse than clowns are dummies (think Charlie McCarthy, not our elected Republican state officials). But I tell you what, if I had a machete and saw some clown trying to lure kids into the woods, I’d go after the SOB same as that guy in North Carolina did. I don’t have one, though, so my cast iron frypan would have to do.
15I think that the clowns should use the same bathrooms that the legislators use.
Professional courtesy.
16Please. We no longer call them “clowns.”
The proper term is “Jocular Americans.”
17I read not too long ago, that one lady used her crock pot as a weapon. I believe I, too, would have to resort to that. By the way, she managed to kill her roomie with the crock pot during an argument. I guess you use what’s handy.
18NC are scared of everything!!! They fear muslins, gay marriage, rising oceans, passing cars, coming onto the highway, leaving the highway, pulling out onto another street if there is a car coming a 1/2 mile away! Clowns? does not surprise me much.
19I thought the proper term was repugnantcans.
20Be a clown! Be a clown!
21All the world loves a clown!
Oh… wait…
Thought they were talking about Drumpf. Now that’s one scary clown!
22@MFM#11 was that the 82nd airborne, or the pukin buzzards, or the 173rd?What “young lady” of sound mind would accompany a handkerchief soldier into a cornfield? You needn’t answer that just tell everyone where airborne school is located. That will be enough. Otherwise everyone located near where any sizable concentrations of handkerchief soldiers are located will have been warned.Especially “young ladies”.
23Hay! P.P. repugnantcans is OK but I prefer rePUKEians as it slides out of the mouth easier and describes by reaction to the smelly BS that slides out of their mouths.
24glf, it’s a good thing you apologized to July Collins. She’s one of my all time favorites. But your adaptation is clever.
25The clowns have now been identified. One reappeared last night in a Matt Lauer costume, while the second unfunny clown attempted to answer “questions” from Matt while wearing a fright wig. Many were frightened rather than amused by the carnival routine.
26@l’angelomisterioso: The Airborne School is near Columbus, GA, at Ft. Benning. The only Airborne unit in North Carolina is the 82d, AKA Almost Airborne, from the AA on the patch. The Puking Buzzards are further west, on the TN/KY border. I served with both, long ago. In doing so, I discovered that not all young ladies who hang around Army bases are of sound mind. Many will do whatever it takes to get some greenbacks from the soldiers. This ain’t news, nor new. Since the dawn of time, women have been known to follow the soldiers, to many stranger places.
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