Monsters Among Us
Those that live in the Houston area are well aware of the Deshaun Watson situation. Watson is the star quarterback for the Houston Texans. Based on current events, the is will soon become was. Commenting on these cases is always difficult. He has been sued by 22 women for sexual misconduct and/or sexual assault. Two of those 22 women have gone to the police and filed criminal complaints.
We know only a few things. We know that Watson regularly gets massages. We know he has gone to Instagram to find massage therapists. We know what the women have all said. We know that he has denied it. From there, it’s all conjecture. The first woman to file a suit spoke yesterday. Her emotions were raw and real. It’s difficult to watch and listen and come away believing Watson. Then again, Watson hasn’t come out in public and made a statement since the first lawsuit was filed.
We can extend it beyond Watson and include Matt Gaerz and Andrew Cuomo if we want to be balanced and thorough. However, we could include any high profile potential abuser in this discussion. Watson’s opening statement on Twitter seems innocent enough by itself, but when taken in concert with the overwhelming amount of accusations and the repetitive nature of the modus operandi it is downright disturbing.
Notice the line in the middle. “I have never treated any woman with anything but the utmost respect.” This was actually following the first filed lawsuit. 21 further lawsuits have come. On the one hand it is predictable. It was almost as if Watson were daring those other women to come forward. We see this behavior frequently from famous abusers. The huge question comes in what the abuser believes themself.
Does he honestly believe that he is treating all of these women with respect? Is he saying it just because he feels like it is in his best interest to say it? In some cases, you can see the wheels spinning in their head. Some people are duplicitous jackasses. They know very well what they are doing. Cuomo and Gaetz have certainly been painted that way for good reason. With Watson I’m not so sure. I’m guessing a large part of him has been caught off-guard with all of these accusations. I’m sure a large part of him still believes he has done nothing wrong.
That’s the scary part of this whole deal. Most of us know monsters exist in the world and we’ve made our peace with it. There are all kinds of monsters. There are people that routinely do evil in the world. Not much can be done for them. We often call them sociopaths or psychopaths. They know right and wrong and see human weakness. For whatever reason they have chosen to exploit weakness instead of protecting and nurturing it. Fine. The world is made up of all kinds of people.
The ones that cross the line can be put in two groups. The sociopaths and psychopaths couldn’t give two craps about the line. They want to be gratified and see something they want. They recognize there is a line and they always know where it is so they can stay out of trouble. They just won’t let it stop them. They just cross the line. Those people are easy to understand once you admit to yourself that some people have no conscience.
The ones that always get me are the ones that seem to be ignorant of the line. When you have 20+ women accusing you of some form of assault or abuse we aren’t talking about stumbling over the line once on accident. This is a compulsion. Yes, we don’t know all of the facts, but we can probably put a picture together in our head. At the very least, it appears Watson has a compulsory need to recreate the same situation over and over. Yes, in isolation that situation might be perfectly legal, but when repeated and done purposely it is abuse. The fact that he may not know this is frightening. I couldn’t imagine doing it to 20, 30, or even more. Maybe that’s the difference between normal people and predators. Maybe he knows and just doesn’t care.
When you are talking about professional athletes, you have to consider that women are constantly throwing themselves at them. Given that, why wouldn’t you think that any woman would be glad to do whatever you wanted her to? Granted, most pros understand this and avoid this kind of behavior either because they are basically moral people or because they recognize the pitfalls. Then there are the clueless like–I’m presuming–Watson. He doesn’t seem to know what hit him. The Orange Moron is soon going to be in the same boat.
Even with the #Me Too movement and Time’s Up, I am still amazed at all the guys who just don’t get it.
1When you compare the amount professional athletes get paid with that of teachers, and then realize all the athletes do is entertain, I have thought for years this means we are becoming like Rome of old.
2I liked the advice from Beau of the Fifth Column (see YouTube) to men who claim they don’t know anymore what “the rules” are around women: Don’t say or do anything to a woman that you wouldn’t do or say to another man–in prison.
3It’s interesting that you bring that up Larry. I’ve made my peace with my lot in life in terms of pay. Athletes and actors do attract people and I have no issue with them sharing in the revenues. I suppose what irks me is that I see this all the time at the high school level. Our school has no sports, but the campuses that did always had someone apply pressure to get athletes to pass so they could play.
On my last campus I taught 7th grade Writing. I had a student that was apparently a good football player but was just an incorrigible jackass. The sad thing was that he wasn’t a bad kid at heart. He just didn’t have anyone in his life willing to tell him no.
One of the assistant principals tried to strongarm me into giving him a good grade and not getting him in trouble. “He’s a good football player” he said. Yup, I’m sure he was. It got to the point where the football coach asked me if I thought he should play. Unless they were planning to pay me to be an assistant coach that wasn’t my call.
I did coach volleyball before my daughter was born and briefly after she was born. I suffered through mostly losing seasons but it afforded me the opportunity to tell those girls that I’d gladly sit them if they failed or acted up in class. I could lose just as easily without them as I could with them.
The long and short of it is that I don’t see pay as the issue. The issue goes back much further than that. The issue is that we have placed value on the ability to perform in certain areas. I have no problem giving value to that, but you don’t have an absolute right to play any sport. It’s a privaledge and those privaledges are earned. At least they should be.
4@ Nick: The other side of that equation is the “student athlete” who is not pressured to do well academically is the same one who takes basket-weaving courses in college and then leaves without a degree or a pro contract, which is the fate of most college athletes. It’s beyond absurd that somebody could spend 8 years in High School and College and be functionally illiterate at the end of that time.
5Also true BarbInDC, I remember the basketball player in one of my advanced Economics classes. We saw him on the first day and never again. John Oliver did a good bit on this where student-athletes at North Carolina took Swahili.
6I used to work for a company in the Galleria who had a pool car and driver. This company had many people (men) from around the US and the world often come in and in the evening they would hit the “gentlemen’s clubs.” That driver could quote prices for everything, as for instance the price of a bj was $300 at Club A or $275 at Club B. Men still perceive women – the ones they have no intention of marrying or having a life with – as commodities. Women must let men around them know the score, and they will be treated accordingly. You don’t have to be mean, but in the words of Nancy Reagan, just say no!
7Nick … I’m a bit dubious of the “cross the line” analysis. A split between those who knowingly cross the line (sociopaths/psychopaths) and those who don’t know….
I like to think of myself as a relatively nice guy… certainly not a sociopath or psychopath who doesn’t care about lines. And a relatively self-aware guy… someone who Mom taught to be polite and be “a gentleman,” and who learned in Sunday School a variety of lessons about behavior, and practiced in Boy Scouts how to be “physically strong, mentally awake and morally straight.” I’ve managed to have a life untouched by police officers other than a few tickets in 50 years of driving. And yet, I read :
8“In his book Three Felonies a Day, civil-liberties lawyer Harvey Silverglate estimates that the average person unknowingly breaks at least three federal criminal laws every day.”
I followed up by reading the book. The author acknowledges the specific number is bogus — it may be three a month, or one a day or whatever. But as I went into the details, I found myself agreeing I could be prosecuted for violating some laws … and disagreeing that the behavior was clearly an “unknowing” violation …and still didn’t consider myself a sociopath or psychopath.
Admittedly, my understanding of psychology is just enough to be dangerous. I did take a Psychopathology class, but we didn’t necessarily get into criminal behavior. My sense from paying attention to this specific case is that in some cultural circles, some men expect massages to conclude with happy endings. We obviously don’t know exactly what happened but the Watson camp admitted to having consensual sex with some of these women. Reading between the lines I can surmise that consensual can be defined as “she didn’t say no.” Maybe he never engaged in sex with anyone that said no. Therefore, if that’s true then he’s not guilty of rape. Fantastic. Still, one has to ask a few basic questions. First, why so many women? It looks like 50+ in just the last few years. Forget the number of massages one would normally get. One defender said she gave Watson nearly 20 herself. I’d think if the therapy were that important you’d try to find a few you liked and stick with them. That’s if the therapy is the main goal.
Second question: why only women? If the therapy is the main goal then shouldn’t a male massage therapist just as good? In fact, they might be preferred to prevent this very problem. That’s unless therapy is not the main goal.
This gets us into the bit about crossing the line. In Watson’s world he is owed a happy ending. So, he orchestrated a situation designed to result in a happy ending. Sometimes he got one and sometimes he didn’t. I’m sure he sees it as no harm no foul because he technically never forced anyone to have sex. Yet, he invited them there under false pretenses. He created situations where they were vulnerable and he had power. That crossed a line he may never have known existed. I think predators like him know they are exercising power but don’t necessarily see moral, ethical, or legal ramifications of behavior like many of us would.
It’s quite possible he was taught many of the same things we were and yet has this blind spot when it comes to massage therapists. I’ve never gotten a massage. However, listening to some former athletes indicates this sometimes goes on and some may come to expect it. That obviously crosses the line.
9“For whatever reason they have chosen to exploit weakness instead of protecting and nurturing it. Fine.”
This is not fine.
“I’m sure a large part of him still believes he has done nothing wrong.”
Yeah…. boys will be boys.
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