March Madness, Old Style
You may all remember my Uncle Jimmy “Barstool” Grobnik, so named because he’s short and round with skinny legs, and he can often be found at the corner of the bar at Pete’s Tavern, drinking Old Style. Pete’s is on 26th Street in Chicago, and to get there from the Hachecristo homestead on 25th Place, where his wife, and my mother, and Jesus’ dad all grew up, all you have to do is cross the alley.
My old hometown has been in the news a lot, lately, what with the crumbling schools and the gang shootings and the crooked, brutal cops and the imperial Democratic Mayor being the target of zealous reformers of both parties. Ah, it takes me back to my yute.
But last night, Chicago showed why she’s still Da Greatest Second City in Da World.
“Ya shoulda seen it, Primo!” Uncle Barstool yelled excitedly into his cellphone. “Cops on horseback. People t’rown to da ground. Punches! Kicks! Screams!”
I thought at first that Barstool had been to a wedding. But he didn’t mention any shots fired in the air, so I concluded it was a riot. “Where was this, Uncle Jimmy?”
“It was at yer old school.”
“Mary Queen of Asphalt?”
“No, dummy, UIC. Over by Taylor Street.”
Like most Hachecristos, and our fellow parishioners, I worked my share of Chicago road crews. But I once held a job at the University of Illinois-Chicago Medical Center, and used the free tuition perq to get my Masters. Many’s the time that Uncle Jimmy and I watched the UIC basketball Flames battle in the Pavilion for respect, and a ticket to March Madness that never came.
(Actually, I watched the game. Barstool watched the co-eds.)
UIC was and is a diverse campus. The Anglo half of me was very often in the minority in my classes. And so it was with some surprise that I heard Donald Trump was planning a rally in that self-same Pavilion, in the city where one Democratic candidate grew up, another Democratic candidate got arrested in a civil rights protest, and the current Democratic President spent most of his adult life.
What could possibly go wrong?
“I was eatin’ over by Tuscany’s, den I was walkin’ back to my car when deez cop cars go screamin’ up Racine, so I walked up dere an’ into da middle of a frickin’ riot. I ast a coupla brods what’s up, and dey tole me…”
“’Coupla brods,’ Uncle Jimmy?”
“Excuse me. Coupla, two-t’ree, nice girls. Anyhoo, dey tell me dat dis a-hole Trump was bringin’ his Travelin’ Crap Show to UIC. Can ya b’leeve it? But when people got word, dey all started showin’ up to protest. Ever since he built dat crappy skyscraper and runed da skyline, people been waitin’ to get some back. I gotta tell ya, Primo, dese guys got nuttin’ on us in da Sixties, but last night, dey showed dey had some chops.”
“Uh, Uncle Jimmy, in the Sixties, weren’t you actually on the other side?”
“Ah, hell, Primo! If ya remember da Sixties den ya wasn’t dere. But I had my Streets an’ San job to worry about so, yeah, maybe. But I do remember what Hizzoner da Mare said about da cops: ‘Dey weren’t dere to create disorder, dey were dere to preserve disorder.’ It was just like dat last night.”
“Long story short, I t’ink dere was maybe t’ree-to-one good guys over Trumpistas. Talk about yer March Madness! Da a-hole never showed, lied about talkin’ to da cops about ‘safety,’ and ran away wit’ his hairpiece tucked between his legs. Dat hairpiece, I swear, it looks like a golden lion tamarin crawled up and died on his head.”
“A golden lion tamarin?”
“Or maybe da guy wit’ da can of spray tan just sprays his whole frickin’ head. I dunno. Anyhoo, what I do know is dis: when dey write da story of dis election, Chicago’s gonna go down in history as da town dat stopped Trump. It started here, kid. Dis is where we stood up to da Brown Shirts.”
“’We,’ Uncle Jimmy?”
“Primo, today, we’re ALL Chicago.”
Trump the Stump is now in Dayton, Ohio spewing the same garbage! Calling Bernie a Communist!! You should listen to this crap on MSNBC … Trump’s private TV channel anymore!
It is terrifying to hear what the ugly creature spews and his crowds eat it up!! Un-friggen-believeable! A pop to the temple might work but I don’t think he actually has a brain … I have no idea what he thinks with!! All he is doing is inciting rioting and he is loving it!
1Trump has claimed, quite correctly, that the disruption of his rally was caused by thugs. What he omits is that he is the Thug in Chief and his followers are the thugs.
2I’m with Uncle Jimmy. It does look like a golden lion tamarin died on Trump’s head. I hope he’s right about Chicago being “da town dat stopped Trump,” too. Go, Chicago!
3Been meaning to ask,is your uncle related to the guy Chicago columnist Mike Rokyo used to write about, old “Slats” Grobnik? What are the odds 2 Slovak sounding families would end up in a tiny place like Chicago?
4Mike Royko-my bad.
5I miss Mike Royco, his stories about “the Blonde” who BTW was Mike’s wife and once saying in a column that a green Martian would have a better chance of getting elected in Chicago that an African-American. Sure fooled you, Mike.
6Uncle Jimmy is Slats’ nephew, related to the Hachecristos only by marriage. Royko was an early influence of mine. He was one of the first people to stand up to Rupert Murdoch, quitting his job at the Sun-Times when Murdoch bought it. He was to Chicago what Molly Ivins was to Texas.
7Ah, remembering! Thanks for reminding this Chicago transplant/retiree to El Paso about the good old days. Royko was dear to all of our hearts. One son graduated from UIC, his younger brother was @ last night’s protest, making his family proud.
8Royko was a regular in my hometown Cherokee(iowa) Daily Times-now Chronicle back when. Always entertaining and daChipster,I must say,you are nearly as entertaining,imho,fer a duffer.
9I had the time
10The time of my life
I made The Donald
Run to his wife
In Chicagoooo…
Chicagooo…
We all should be grateful for the likes of Mike and Molly. Thanks, Primo!
11Excellent, Juanita. You have a gift.
12I only remember the Democratic Convention because I was enthralled by the violence I saw on TV. I was such an innocent–I’d always thought the boys in blue were on OUR side.
13What took so long? Let’s hope the courageous Chicago protestors inspire people in other cities to show what they think, not only of Trump, but every one of the RKlanners.
14There was some prime planning and organization evident.
Thanks for your engaging background story, Primo. Good to hear about Uncle Jimmy again.
I agree with Maddow this was a set up by herr drumpf to create footage for his campaign ads.
15Also a way to emphsize to his supporters that big cities and people of color are “evil” not like his merry band of thugs, punks, fools and geriatics
Short term this might get him an extra couple of points in the redneck primary in florida and ohio.
Dear Primo, looking forward to hearing more about the adventures of the Hachechristo clan!! Tell me, does Uncle Jimmy ever step round to the Ice House? (Mike Royko was a regular in the Houston Chronicle when I was growing up, and my mama grew up in a Polish neighborhood near the steel mills on the South Side!)
16Ken, excellent synopsis. Thanx!
BTW Folks there’s a photo making the twitter rounds of Birgitt Peterson flashing the Drumpf ‘salute.’ Some are libelous in their attempts to attribute her picture to a member of the Sanders campaign. Please don’t be fooled.
17Last night in Chicago is a milestone. This campaign has stepped up to a new level, and what happened in Chicago is being repeated today at Trump campaign rallies elsewhere. The diverse minorities that Trump has divided and singled out and belittled and demonized and bullied have awakened to the reality of the injury they have experienced in common at the hands of this demagogue.
By disparaging victim groups and tossing them into the wastebin together, Trump created an ideal condition for spontaneous combustion.
Now the victims have realized that – by good and decent people standing together – they can overwhelm and contain this evil menace called Trump. Trump’s hatred has sown the wind, and he is deservedly reaping the whirlwind.
Encourage peaceful protest, but do not lament that protests are taking place. Let the bonfires of truth burn brightly.
18Since I always miss all the fun, I used the Google and got a head full of images and words. Proud of Chicago but I have to say, remember the year(s) when the riots rolled across rooftops in East New York and all the other major cities? For you young’uns, find the set of PBS series EYES ON THE PRIZE and watch it. I couldn’t watch it. It was 13 videos that were made from news clips of the period. We had small children and lived on Long Island. This though–is just a political campaign which seems to me it shouldn’t carry the same weight as the civil rights movement. Oh, that’s right, It’s the super duper rich not caring how their actions affect other folks. Except that Trump doesn’t think. He just reacts. Mutter mutter…..
19And tell Uncle Jimmy to save me a spot by him. A beer would go down nice and he’s a great story-teller.
20It is great to hear echoes of Royko. You tell this story so well because you know these folks. “Two, tree nice girls.” “Over by Taylor” It sounds just like my father, the child-support avoiding SOB.
21It’s a tough call though to know who is lying on this one- T-Rump or Rahm of the Nine Fingers.
Now we need to ensure that ticked off minorities are allowed to vote and do so this election and every other election.
22@UmptyDump
“Let the bonfires of truth burn brightly.”
On the blackland prairie there are varieties of wildflowers which will not germinate absent an engulfing prairie fire. Several Texas communities engage professionals who set and control appropriate fires to burn competing plants and allow these wildflowers to bloom. Perhaps a flashover of truth in the nacilbupeR party will allow a loyal conservative party to arise from poisoned ashes of the Tea Party ravaged nacilbupeR party.
23Primo, I love how well you do the dialect. Funneee!
I have nothing to add that hasn’t already been said about America’s #1 Sleeze ball. I think I’ll go back to watching The Big Bang Theory. It’s much more enlightening and uplifting than Drumpf and his ignorant minions.
24Debbo, kudos! BBT inspired me to let my youngest grandson know about thermodynamics and energy.
And boy howdy do I remember that Chicago riot of years past! The cops did not take kindly to the presence of hippies and their right to protest. They started off peaceably enough but everything went downhill in the blink of an eye. And Mayor R. Daley! Who could ever forget his reaction!
Just one more thing. I have a nephew in the Chicago area. My advice to him is to stay safe and vote for Hill in November. Me? I’m going over to the local Hill office this afternoon when it opens and put in some time there.
25Now that Trump is allowing his spawn to help his campaign, and we are seeing just what jokers they are, I am further reminded of Saddam Hussein and his two WMD’s Usay and Uday.
26Donald Trump meets Leroy Brown. Trump blinks.
27Linda, I was thinking the EXACT same thing re: Uday and Qusay
28Linda Phipps, Uday and Qusay Drumpf. Those are two monikers that need to go viral.
29Yes, well, the Donald made one misstep in Chicago — but he made up for it in Kansas City:
He DIDN’T talk to the cops in Chicago so there weren’t nearly enough of them milling around bashing heads to create the riot Trump really wanted to incite. [Umm — let’s see: every other “rally” he has held has been out in the ‘burbs but this one was in the heart of town – where he could be certain-sure lots of protesters would show up (I heard tell they far outnumbered his supporters. Gee, what a surprise.) Then he waited till there were thousands of people who had waited all day and BAM! Shutdown. No warning. Just, “Nothing to see here, folks, move along.” And “Go in Peace?” Seriously? HIS crowd?]
The story I heard, from some reporter or another, was that Trump never did show up at the venue at all. He had no intention of holding the “rally” in the first place. A riot in Obama’s old stomping ground was what he was angling for but Chicago refused to deliver. All he got was a good, old fashioned protest which had pretty much died down by the time the cops showed up in sufficient numbers to create a riot. So sad.
But he did get it right in KC:
LOTS more cops throwing punches and tear gas. So he got his riot. Which was exactly what he wanted — just one stop too late for the propaganda he wanted to spew: “It’s all Obama’s fault.”
Still, he’ll manage to make KC Obama’s fault somehow. Just wait. But it won’t have the same oomph it would have had in Chicago.
30It is always Obama’s fault……I bet Obama is counting the minutes…..and all this crap with religion/state started with Reagan, when he encouraged the Moral Majority…..and he and Nancy did not go to church much…..
31