Lend a Hand
Okay, my deadline for OutSmart is approaching at the speed of light and I’ve hit a dead end.
I am doing the Top Ten Signs that Donald Trump Might Be Off The Deep End
10. You’re pretty sure he isn’t old enough to have freed the slaves.
9. Claims to have more experience in foreign affairs than in extra-martial affairs.
8. You’re almost certain that no one named Vladimir signed the Declaration of Independence.
7. Claims that thick smog is actually an important drinkable source of vitamins and minerals.
6. Now claiming he never made any deal with Russia while he was the Australian Prime Minister.
5. Claims that nuclear war isn’t so bad after you get over the initial bright light.
4. He starts adding syllables to words to make his accomplishments seem more impressimilatude .
3. ?
2. ?
1. ?
Any ideas?
Thank you.
He strolls around the White House South Lawn in a speedo.
13. Inspired by 43, he’s started collecting the books for his Presidential Library. From the library at Trump University.
2. He’s already formed his 2020 re-election committee. Just like Nixon, He’s named it CREEP, Committee to RE-Elect the President.
#1. Obama!
2Thinks nobody will notice if he slanders people because he does it in the bathroom in the middle of the night.
3Nukular war would go along way towards vaporizing America’s 20 trillion dollar debt, and the debtors and the debtees, and just about everyone else.
He has actual proof of actual proof of something. But it is being audited.
4Claims the White House is operating like a well-oiled machine.
5Thinks he knows what he’s talking about. Ever.
6Always a favorite:
Claims to have invented the internet.
Has started building his wall in the WH basement [similar to Teddy building the canal in Arsenic and Old Lace].
Listens and values opinion of Steve Bannon and Breitbart. (Oh sorry, that’s just why I think he’s lost it.)
Has started wearing the vegetables from Michelle’s garden instead of eating them.
7Oooh, oooh:
Can claim he sees Russia from Trump Towers…or at least hears Russia.
873. Tries to chlorinate the white house press pool.
82. Visits the Lincoln Memorial; orders the tidal basin to go out. Flies into twitter tantrum when it ignores him.
84. Demands congressional investigation of himself and his staff. (Oops.)
91. Orders the deportation of all muslin curtains.
92. Issues executive order prohibiting congressional travel to countries without a Trump hotel or golf course.
…
9Knows secret facts about the future learned when Scotty beamed him up and only him.
Promises to free Melania if re-elected.
Confirms to Fox News he is the chosen person not the Jewish people.
10#x Thinks Steve Bannon is a rational human being
11#z Thinks his barber cares about him
#y Continues to think twitter is his friend: https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6lIbrrpewxc/WMXSK9K2IkI/AAAAAAABlco/CvxnG5xsDCEBiu5ESwpJ_J7YhS_n8MuxwCLcB/s640/3%2Bdaryl%2Bcagle.jpg
12He tweets, he opens his mouth to speak.
He thinks he is God’s gift to the USA. Which is different from his gift to women.
His new nickname is Nero. Or is that his Secret Service codename?
13#1 Continues to think his eyesight is the best, despite thinking it was Ivanka sprawled on the couch in the Oval Awful, when it was actually SkullAnus Wrongway.
14Thinks Obama spied on him while he was heating up HotPockets in the microwave.
Fires Ben Carson from HUD and replaces him with Frederick Douglass.
Removes all the gold, glass and marble in his Trump Tower apartment and replaces it with faux wood contact paper.
Has Melania get pregnant again so “we can defend our civilization from other people’s babies.”
Gets locked out of the White House in his bathrobe at 4 a.m. and has to throw pebbles at Melania’s window. She doesn’t answer.
15Thank you TTPT…I was waiting for microwave camera bit! Really, this is so flipping funny and sad. I now say Hi to all my appliances every morning you never know.
16From daily kos. Donald Trump has a new conspiracy theory, first trotted out last week, that President Obama sabotaged his own law, Obamacare, on purpose in order to have it collapse under the next president.
17Pulls insane idea out of his rear end, tells Bannon, Bannon gets it on Breitbart, Trump sees it there and thinks it’s proven fact.
I am positive that this is actually happening repeatedly.
18@Lisbeth he said as much. “2017, that’s when it was supposed to collapse, right? Because he wouldn’t be in office any more,” regardless of the fact that for all anyone knew, another Democrat would be.
#2342: thinks anyone knows or cares about Celebrity Apprentice ratings
193). Believes that you respect women by increasing their allowance.
2). What poor people?
1). Thinks you have to use wires to be tapped.
20#1 Actually thinks he can be president.
21He thinks leading us into the Trumpocalypse is a good thing, because it starts with Trump.
22I did not have sex with that woman. No not her, that one. No the other one. No! Can’t you see where I’m pointing!
23@Amy: Winnah!
24NSA invites him to briefing on “wire tapping” and he brings his tap shoes.
25Sees his reflection in bathroom mirror and swears he’s being “watched”. Also, angry there are no buttons to adjust color and brightness.
26Goes again to Mar-a-Lago, the “Winter White House”, and demands investigation into who took the snow.
27Refuses to go the presidential retreat Camp David because “too Jewish”.
28He believes it reflects well on him that his Republican predecessors look good in comparison.
29Flies to Hawaii for vacation. Disappointed Prime Minister doesn’t greet him upon arrival. Thinking of cutting off diplomatic relations.
(Enuff for now. It’s hard to think stupid, y’know?)
303: …thinks Angele Merkel got the German Chancellor job despite not doing very well in the swimsuit event;
2: …is pretty sure Abraham Lincoln was born in Kenya;
3: …Believes Paul Ryan was saved by Tom Hanks in an old movie.
31Every schizophrenic I’ve ever known claims they’re being tapped.
32Thinks God’s first name is Vladimir.
33Thinks that if he just finds the right unpopular group to harass and persecute, it will make everyone else love him.
I know, that’s not funny – it’s sad and scary.
34Biggest delusion of all: Thinks that he’s actually the one in charge.
35@JAK
“Sees his reflection in bathroom mirror and swears he’s being “watched”.” inspired a thought about how on February 2nd Drumpf emerged briefly from the Führerbunker and saw his shadow and so we’ll have up to 3 years 11ish months more of his administration. If February 2nd had only been cloudy his administration would have ended “early”, whatever that might mean.
36Ted: Winner winner chicken dinner.
37No PP, I say Tom’s #3 wins. But Ted’s was one of lots of very good ones. I think JJ’s problem is well solved.
38Debbo: I stand corrected.:-)
39You are all undermining his great artistic accomplishments. Wrote the great play “10,000 Mexicans on a Hot Tin Roof, Dancing”. Wrote the Grateful Dead song, “Mexicali Blues.” Plans to eradicate “Spanish Fly” and replace it with “American First Fly.” Wrote one of the greatest American novels, “The Gripes of Daft.”
40Inspired by the TSA’s enhanced pat down policy, he privatizes the agency, buys it and renames it Trumpian Security Administration. He explains he needs something to do after this presidential gig is up. Quotes Trump “I don’t plan to be an absentee owner; I will very bigly be a hands-on kind of guy.”
41153. Melts down over president Nieto’s refusal to pay for ‘the wall’. Orders U.S. Army to invade New Mexico. U.S. Army actually invades New Mexico. Greg Abbott and Louie Gohmert blame Obama.
196. Discovers that printing a $100 bill costs about twelve cents. Orders treasury to print millions, for sale to the public at $50 apiece. Takes personal 50% cut of the sales to “make up the difference”.
42204. Hears about the immigrant problems in England from Nigel Farage. Orders CIA to make drone strikes against the ‘socialist London Underground’.
43My favorite is eyesoars “tries to chlorinate the white house press pool”
44