Last year, a woman of negotiable virtue ratted out a Columbus cop who had paid her for sex. He has admitted his sin, pleaded no contest, and will likely be sentenced to… John School.

Yes, John School, where the motto is “Semper Infidelis,” the staff lounge is the back seat, tuition is paid by the hour with a discount for all night and the team is called the Rampaging Phalluses. Competition to be team mascot is FIERCE, the bookstore can’t keep condoms in stock, prom is held at a strip club, and field trips have no chaperones at all!

Victims of human trafficking get to go to jail; the rarely-caught end users get sent to this diversion program. And cops – some of whom demand sex from detainees in order to let them go – well, they go to the Head of the Class. Check CraigsList for your syllabus.

~Primo