Holy Crap: War on Christmas
So, let’s start this Christmas tour in the Bible Belt, where the The Born Again Independent Baptist Church in Harlem, Georgia, got oh so clever with their church sign.
… or vice versa. Verdelia, who loves word scramble games, says you can also almost make NASTY our of that. Almost.
Edward Carothers, pastor at Born Again Baptist, told The Christian Post that the decision to post the message on the church sign came by decision of the congregation.
Carothers cited a 1996 work by James L. Melton titled “Santa Claus and Satan’s Cause”, which argued that, by having several similar characteristics to Jesus Christ, Santa was being crafted by secular culture as a false god to worship.
Plus, the jolly fat man breaks into my house and eats my damn cookies.
In his comments to CP, Pastor Carothers said that the overall feedback his church had gotten over the message was “40 percent positive.”
I don’t think he understands math.
And since we’re on the subject of not understanding …
The Reverend Pat Robertson says we should quit worrying about The Gays because they will soon be extinct. Wanna know why? They don’t reproduce.
You know, those who are homosexual will die out because they don’t reproduce,” the TV preacher opined. “You know, you have to have heterosexual sex to reproduce.”
I wonder how he thinks the current crop of homosexuals got here? Magic? Santa Satan left them as gifts under the tree?
Thanks to Rick and Deb for the heads up.
Stork brought them 🙂
1Carothers is “Trash Core”–among other things: http://wordsmith.org/anagram/anagram.cgi?anagram=Carothers&t=1000&a=n
And God is Dog.
2I believe their theory of where homosexuals come from is that a single Satanic homosexual has converted a whole bunch of innocent children.
Or maybe it’s contagious. Probably comes in with those undocumented immigrants.
3Huh. I thought they were recruited, and that they joined up to get the free toaster.
4I thought it was a choice? Funny how now Pat R’s notion affirms that they’re born that way….
5So, let’s review the similarities between Jesus and Santa?
1. Both have minions. Of course they server very different purposes, announcing the kingdom of Heaven versus… making toys.
2. Both are ignored by 99% of the population except for once (both) or twice (Jesus) a year.
3. Both are known for being generous to the deserving.
That’s pretty thin, really.
6Rev Robertson doesn’t believe in science or history or anthropology, so of course he came up with that sort of nonsense.
7According to the Robertsons and Falwells of yore,Gays recruit new members. They’ll never disappear they recruit better than the SEC football conference.
8Both have beards,Annabelle Lee. So do I so epo makes three.
9Spontaneous gaybustion!
10NEWSFLASH: Santa Claus reportedly will not be delivering coal this season.
North Pole – For the first time in history, Santa Claus will not be delivering coal to naughty children worldwide. The age-old tradition, a well-known counterpart to the gifts that good children receive, was cancelled due to the actions of Koch Industries, previously the largest single receiver of coal during the Christmas season.
“It really puts a crimp into our traditions,” Michael, one of Santa’s spokeselves replied when questioned. “There were so many deserving recipients, many of which are in the US Senate, House of Representatives and Supreme Court, not to mention many of the state legislatures. But our primary suppliers notified us last month that no coal would be provided, as all the futures contracts were bought by Koch Industries.”
So far no alternatives to coal in the stockings has been found by the research team at Santa’s Workshop.
11So Pat Robertson thinks we’re worrying about gays?
12I must be out of the loop since I have so many other things to worry about that I plum forgot to worry about them. Since I’m going in for heart surgery tomorrow, might I ask anybody who doesn’t have enough to worry about to please take over the job of worrying about gays for me. Maybe Rev. Robertson could do it.
Oh that’s right, he’s not worrying about them anymore.
Whew! that’s a load off my mind.
Wishing you well, maryelle. We’ll do the worrying while you do the healing! We’ll look forward to hearing from you again soon.
13Prayers that all will go well with your surgery, Maryelle. May God guide and direct the hands of your surgeon. And we will all look forward to seeing your name pop up in the Comments sections here at the Beauty Shop and you letting us know all is well with you and your heart!!
And … if we don’t see you before: MERRY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY NEW YEAR to you and yours!!
14Think about this: there is so little joy in the lives of people who behave this way. Sigh.
15I resent this… on so many levels…. it’s unreal.
My kids… are grown, married, and have grand kids.
However, when they were little…. their daddy and I did all we could to preserve their belief in Santa.
How else could we explain….. new bikes…. that were not “new” but old bikes… with new paint? How else could we explain that Santa had a whole lot of kids to give toys to, and couldn’t give them everything they asked for. How else could we explain…. watching the tv, and Santa’s journey from the North Pole.
How else could we explain… that (besides the fact that their dad and I stayed up most of the night Christmas Eve, putting stuff together……so Santa could put their presents under the tree to be opened on Christmas morning?)
We do not start “Christmas” on Thanksgiving Day.
My kids now have their own traditions.
However, my 12 days of Christmas….. start on Christmas Eve…. and go to New Year’s Day. And Santa comes on Christmas Eve…… and gifts are opened…… Christmas morning.
To heck with this idiot church. Santa is real…. If you believe.
Have a Merry Christmas.
16Must have been quite a commotion around Pastor Carothers house the first time he brought in his version of a Christmas Tree:
A Red Delicious topiary filled with snakes.
May as well blame the womenfolk for our fall from grace, while celebrating the 12 days of snake handling. If you survive temptation (apples) and show your faith (snakes), Satan DOESN’T come down the chimney. Merry, Merry Christmas!!
17Dan Hart wrote a song called “Santa God”. When he was little, he was told about an old bearded man up there who saw everything he did and would reward him if he was good. “Oh, you mean Santa!” “You’re gonna burn in hell for a million billion years!”
The chorus, after all the smiting threats: “I’ll leave cookies for Santa but not for God / who seems to think that I’m a human lightning rod.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zd_RhOZZc2s
Also liked the painting of an earnest Santa captioned, “Dear children, one day you will learn everything about Santa Claus. On that day, remember everything the adults have told you about Jesus.”
18I gotta short list of folk I equate to Satan. Santa aint on the list. Now rMoney could go either way, as could Cuban Ted, Senatore Cruz. Leona Helmsley, certainly. Cheney, yuuup. Lotsa room. Hell aint half full yet.
19The Born Again Independent Baptist Church of Harlem, Georgia is SATAN.
20And the Easter Bunny is a henchman.
21I’ll never forget the day, when I was a child, that my Dad told me there was no Santa. Man is responsible for his own presents, he told me. That was the day he told me there was no Satan. Man is responsible for his own actions, he told me. So in a way, Santa does equal Satan. Neither exists.
22Maryelle, if you’re in Austin I’ll come sit by you when you come out of recovery.
23maryelle, ditto what Marge Wood said. May your surgery go well tomorrow.
24May all hearts broken be made whole.
May loving family be rewarded with the gifts of children’s innocence.
May SONY gain the gift of wisdom.
May all young unmarried expecting couples attain shelter and succor, even unto escape to foreign lands.
May we all give thanks for the grace of the past year, and hope for the year to come.
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