He Has A Problem
Last night Houston area Republican State Representative Dan Huberty was in what he is calling “a minor auto accident” but police say they arrived at the scene to find a Corvette “parked under a minivan.”
Huberty was arrested at the scene for DWI after failing a field sobriety test.
He says —
I regret my actions and apologize to my constituents and my family.
I know I have a problem and this incident serves as wake-up call for me. I am seeking treatment options to begin today.
Okay, Danny, so you drink too much and that is surely a problem. But you are also a 52 year old chubby grown man who drives a souped-up black and red Corvette. That, my friend, means you have a whole mess of problems you need to deal with. There’s even a You Tube of them towing off your age-impropriate mode of transportation.
Thelma says that her vast experience in the area of these things has led her to state as a damn fact, “Men who drive small fast car usually are.”
Driving one’s very expensive sports car to wherever it was that he got “under the affluence of incohol” enough to rm it under a minivan sounds like someone that hangs out at Matt Gaetz’s parties…
1No surprise that he would be driving this mid-life-crisis-mobile. Guys his age that drive a vette are usually trying to compensate for their short-comings. And of course, he would try to invoke his privilege as a member of the lege.
2State Farm ain’t paying for that hood mangle. The Good Neighbor just moved away. His license will be yanked and Uber will haunt and taunt his life for a while.
3Probably own guns, too.
BTW, I’ve missed your presence, Ms. JJ.
4Welcome back JJ!
5And thanks for everyone who filled in!
I drove a Miata until arthritis kept me from folding myself into it.
So I got a red Toyata Camry Solara convertible. Same thing but room for grandchildren.
Sometimes, Freud said, a cigar is just a cigar.
6Look, fast cars can be fun, but you have to keep your wits around you. Completely ignoring anything about the safety of others, and thinking only of yourself, and you still have to keep it under control; I mean, do any of you have any idea just how much insurance can be for a fast car? Now get drunk and slide one under a truck and see how much it goes up.
This guy was stupid and wrong on so many levels, but the biggest one – since rightwingers and narcissism go hand in hand – is that it’s gonna hurt him hard in the pocketbook. Even if he cares for nothing and no one, surely the guy cares about his personal money.
7Thanks. I now feel a lot better about driving a big slow pickup.
8Welcome back, JJ. There isn’t a day we haven’t thought about you and missed you. ❤️
9OK, I drive a sensible Dodger/Democrat blue pickup with a Biden-Harris sticker in the back window. But in the spirit of honesty, I traded in my red racer (2005 M3) for it in 2015. It was a car I wanted for years and frankly I loved it for 10 years, especially on the local sports car track. But never got a ticket or drove drunk into a minivan. Anyway, I’m over it and my wife is glad. Waiting for an electric pickup.
10I drive a bright blue Prius that gets 60+ mpg that I named ‘Vote Blue.’
11Slipstream…ignoring the fact that you’d never fit into one of those sporty little numbers. . You haven’t forgotten trying to fold yourself into my little car, have you?
12Two things you can depend on: when a middle aged man gets a divorce, he buys a red sports car. When a woman’s husband dies, she has the house repaired.
13So so glad you are back!
14AK Lynne: a gentleman would under no circumstances admit that he had any memory of the events to which you refer.
But that was a lot of fun.
15Welcome back, Miss JJ. We’ve missed you.
16Welcome back, J.J. (Susan) … You have been missed! Hope you and the family are doing ok! ❤
17It’s a pity ol’ Dan couldn’t have acknowledged his problem with alcohol before he flattened his Corvette. Uber will be his friend for some time to come.
JJ, it’s good to see you back. Your fellow writers have been holding the fort, and we’re grateful; but they’re just not you.
18I have missed you! Glad to see you’re back!
19Oh my, I just noticed this was you! Hello hello hello! I honestly don’t care what anybody drives, as long as they don’t do it drunk. And as long as it was not given to them for political favors, not that I was saying this was the case here.
20Thelma sounds like the voice of experience! Driving under the influence is the same as running around armed to the teeth when you have a mental illness. Someone, family or friends, should stop you.
21To continue a theme, I drive a 2006 Honda Accord, the most beautiful and comfortable car ever, that gets pretty good mileage. I keep looking at other cars, but then I look at the trade-off for my six cylinders to their four cylinders, and for in most cases not any better mileage. And I tell you what, if anybody tries to be a jerk at a red light, I can walk away from them without breaking a sweat.
I could do it even better in my 4-cylinder Honda Civic wagon with a stick shift. 1980, bought on Guam and shipped to San Diego.
22First, welcome back JJ.
I had a colleague who bought a bright yellow sports car upon turning 50. Watching him trying to exit the drivers seat was hilarious. He didn’t own it long.
23Chiming in to say welcome back. I’ve been thinking about you a lot.
24The Corvette is a great choice, if’n you want to kill yourself in a DUI accident.
On the other hand, something top-heavy and with four wheel drive would have been both age appropriate AND likely to roll over in a catastrophic manner. The shorter the wheelbase, the better.
25Thelma’s insight regarding small fast cars relate to my own preference for a 50cc scooter instead of a Harley. I’m not quite ashamed to admit I’ll be stealing her phrasing.
26I’ve thought of you often these past days. So glad you are back and hope you are feeling better. Your wit and insight has always been valued!
27Nice to see you back!! My heart goes out to you.
28His family is fortunate that the vehicle he ass-ended was a minivan instead of the jacked up rolling wannabe
29masculinity proving monster trucks that never seem to have much mud on ’em to obscure the trump stickers on the bumper that woulda decapitated ole’ Dan.
I didn’t say anything about the good fortune of the rest of us, seein as how I told J.J. we’d been behaving.
Although I did say mostly….
And come to think of it, I never actually said HOW we’d been behaving….
Nevermind.
Welcome back my long time friend.
30Thelma is rude. Hilariously rude.
31Welcome back, J.J.H.!
I got nothing car-related to say, except I gave up motorcycles on my 75th because too many distracted drivers. Now I two-wheel on a slightly over-powered ebike
32Drunk and fell asleep at the wheel/went through a red light .
33Welcome back. Now my days will be complete again.
34Thanks to the folks who provided news in your absence. They were good; but the beauty shop was not the same.
Welcome back, JJ. Didn’t even have to see your byline to know we’d gotten you back. Molly Ivins would be proud!
35Welcome back JJ I hope things are better for you.
And I protest. I drive a Tesla Model Y which will leave that ‘vette at the stoplight, am older than Huberty, and a BMI of around 30. Although I have my own problems I feel no urge to inflict Republican politics on my country.
The car is not the problem.
36So good to have you back! As one who’s been there, I know it can’t be easy.
Yesterday I was walking my dog near our main street and a bright green Porsche roared by with deafening decibels that set my tinnitus to new heights, prompting me to mutter “Yeah, but you’ve still got a small dick.”
37It is so nice that you are back fighting the good fight. I missed you.
38Nice picture, Danny Boy! Love the numbers under your chin!
39Thank god he didn’t kill anyone…..
And, Thelma, from what I remember, you’re correct!
Missed you J.J.
Up until after I graduated from college (UTSA), I dreamed of owning a fast, sporty BMW. Now I’m looking forward to getting a good dependable truck to survive a Wisconsin winter. Times change.
40FFS Danny, you pulled a stunt that is beyond stupid. Driving a plastic wind up toy ‘vette or any vehicle while drunk is insane. Moreover what you fail to comprehend is that you were extremely lucky. You didn’t wake up to the discovery your reckless stupidity had killed someone.
So mofo do not weasel whine about rehab and salvation. Man up, and shut up. At a minimum resign and grow up. In case you missed adolescence 101, carry a damn $20 behind your license. No fool, not to bribe a cop – to take a damn taxi, idiot.
41Welcome back, Susan. We’ve been worried about you.
Buying a Vette in late middle age is often tied to the age where a person has enough income to afford it.
42My brother, who testifies in product liability cases, had one where a man took his Chevy in for service. While he and his son were waiting a salssman suggested they take a ‘vette out for a test drive.
They slid under wire roadside barriers and cut off their heads.
The lawsuit hinged on whether the windshield pillars of a ‘vette should be capable of resisting cutting by a wire rope. The court ruled, nope, not necessary.
So keep that in mind.
43your return brightens my day. Hope yours are getting brighter too.
44Welcome back, JJ…..you were missed, but your faithful friends carried the load, thankfully. Be kind to yourself.
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