May 19, 2015 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized
Welcome to The World's Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc.
My name is Susan DuQuesnay Bankston. I live in Richmond, Texas, in the heart of Tom DeLay's old district. It's nuttier than squirrel poop here.
I am honored and privileged to know Miss Juanita Jean Herownself, hairdresser extraordinary and political maven. Since she does not have time to fiddle with this internet stuff, I type her website for her and you can read it if you want to. If you don't, she truly does not give a big bear's butt.
A lot of what I post here has to do with local politics, but you probably have the same folks in your local government.
This ain't a blog. Blogs are way too trendy for me. This is a professional political organization.
Finally! Proof that crawfish are holy!
1Louisiana has known that for a long, long time … holy is the lowly crawfish aka crawdad aka mud baby … poor man’s lobster!!
2There’s a line around the block for Communion.
3I’m trying to picture the preacher in the pulpit, with the antennae and claws and big wide tail, but it just won’t come into focus….
4does this mean I finally found Jesus?
5For those among us searching, waiting for a sign…
6Holy Mudbugs!
7I used to catch crawfish. They may be after me.
8Crawfish Holiness Church should affiliate with the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Yum.
9Now y’all oughtn’t to make fun of them folks, tempting as it is. For one thing, it gives them weaponry against those evil libruls who pick on them.
10Even a big, universal, omnipotent God would have trouble knowing Kentucky existed.
11I’m gonna guess that there is some place in that state named Crawfish, maybe after the local creek. No way would I eat those things! My late husband, he of the high water marks on his legs, thought they were haute cuisine. Wonder what the hell he would do about that holiness thing?
12Communion
I found the Church of Holiness / Up on Crawfish Road
I wondered if they’d take me there / I am such a toad
But sure enough the preacher man / Asked me to come in
He said if I found Jesus soon / I could renounce sin
This sounded like a deal to me / I have sinned a lot
Renouncing it seemed better than / Ending someplace hot
From far away I heard a call / Your life is much but its not all
Away turn from the other gods / For sure you will improve your odds
The Crawfish Church of Holiness / Will save you from your holy mess
Away turn from the other gods / I am the Pope of Arthropods
There was a font for baptism / Right up in the front
A big tub, warm and inviting / All a toad could want
You must be washed, the preacher said / Service is at eight
And cleanliness is godliness / When passing the plate
So eagerly I hopped right in / For to be baptized
The whole process took longer though / Than I’d first surmised.
The man explained that baptizing / Such a dirty soul
Would maybe take me six whole hours / But then I’d be whole
And fit for service, certainly / Those who come at eight
Would marvel at my cleanliness / As they passed the plate.
I felt the hours go passing by / I sat in the wet
The heat seemed to intensify / I began to sweat
The time passed by all in a blur / I felt a bit hot
But was too tired to jump out of / The baptismal pot
The preacher man was in and out / Checking on my soul
At times he put some incense in / And some escarole
The service time was drawing near / Service was at eight
The preacher man was polishing / The collection plate
From far away I heard the cry / All amphibians surely die
We’re out of crawfish, by the way / So service is toad etouffee
The Crawfish Church of Holiness / Will serve you from their holy mess
You’ll be the food for other gods / I am the Pope of Arthropods
And fit for service, certainly / Those who came at eight
13Did marvel at my godliness / As they passed the plate.
daChipster, I am humbled by your awesome toadliness.
14as apround son of the Commonwealth, three things.
1. AS IF, they’d make you, a woman, a deacon.
152. King James only. You know, the one God wrote.
3. Yo! Micr! Me and you, noon tomorrow, out back of the beauty salon.
It’s been a long, long time. But I think the church is on Crawfish Road in Clay County. Back then it was Holiness Church on Crawfish Road. But that was then.
16Some of that old time religion needs D-Con,not deacons.
17Wyatt Earl, stand down cowboy! Micr is a good man, really or at least he will be after I shoot that Wild Turkey & 7 out of his hand and replace it with a shot glass of Wild Turkey.
C’mon guys, just because this is The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc., that does not mean we can be gun slinging or gendzl goslings in front of the ladies.
Just kidding, Mama!!! Please don’t hurt me. Yes, I know. Yes, Mama, Thelma is the law in this saloon. 😉
18And what would they use to baptize you, cocktail sauce or melted butter?
19Oh daChipster, that was some of the most beautiful poetry I’ve ever read. Shakespearean even.
20@Wyatt Earl
The problem with meeting you at noon ‘hind the salon is if I do it for you I gotta do it for ever body and then the line would snake down the street two blocks. Its embarrassing to be so “popular” but it’s the cross I bear.
@PKM
21Please please please don’t waste good Wild Turkey exampling yore handgunning skills. I believe.
Micr, relax good friend. The thought of Thelma sending me on a pavement skid ride out the front door sort of cures a man of carrying a gun into this saloon. Plus, you’re correct; wasting the Wild Turkey would be alcohol abuse. Next round is on me, pardner!
22I tried to be baptized there, but I couldn’t hold my breath long enough.
23I tried to be baptized there, but the water was too hot.
24Notice that services are at diner time on Thursday and Saturday. Yum!
25@PKM-I was thinking cans of hair spray as weapons.
26@Micr OK you’re off the hook this time, but the Commonwealth is watching you. I’d turn you over to our state senators if we had one that gave a rats patoot about Kentucky.
Juanita has some cool friends.
27Why am I guessing that the congregation picks and chooses among the verses of Leviticus? Cotton/poly shirts? Messy hair in church? SHELLFISH? Pork?
28daChipster-iffen you was a cane toad,they coulda jus’ likked you and hallucinated through the rest of the meal….er… service. Now try to rhyme hallucinate. 🙂
29Seriously, JJ, when are we going to get like buttons on the comments?? Love it, daChipster!!
30Way too much trouble, CherylAnn. Just comment “Da Chipster Rules.”
31srsly, epo?
They all ate the toad and hallucinated
32“BUT,” the preacher man elucidated
“Though you may feel swell
You’re all going to hell
‘Cause now you’re all excommunicated!”
+ 1million,daChipster. 🙂
33EPO: Now you know not to challenge The Wordmaster, daChipster. Hallucinated, Elucidated and Excommunicated!!! That is some fine rhyming, sir.
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