Fun With Guns: You Show Me Yours and I’ll Show You Mine Edition
Okay, I want you to meet two upstanding men in Arkansas.
Charles Ferris is 50 years old, and Chris Hicks is 36. They are friends. Ferris describes himself as an Evangelical Anglican priest. He is the founder of a Knights Templar-inspired church. I do not know what Hicks does for a living but I suspect it is equally distinguished.
Last Sunday they were drinking on the porch in Bentonville, Arkansas. Ferris had a bullet proof vest and a .22-caliber semi-automatic rifle so he suggested that they test the vest. Now you know right here that this is not going to turn out well, right?
Ferris on the left, Hicks on the right
Ferris owns the vest so he went first. So Hicks shot him in the chest and the vest worked but Ferris said it hurt like the dickens. He had a large bruise on his chest. Hicks went next and Reverend Ferris “said he was angry about getting shot, and he ‘unloaded the clip’ with the remaining five rounds into Hicks’ back, according to the affidavit. None of the rounds penetrated the vest.”
But the best part comes now.
Ferris on better days
Later that night Ferris was still hurting, and apparently whining, so his wife suggested he go to the hospital. When he got the hospital, they notified authorities about a gunshot. Ferris, who I remind you is a man of God, told authorities that he was paid $200 to protect “an asset” and that he was shot six times by a man in a white suit while guarding his charge at Hobbs State Park.
You’d think the case would be closed right there but the cops, being cops, were suspicious.
About that time, Ferris’ wife shows up at the hospital and spills the beans. The newspaper didn’t say this but you kinda get the idea that she’s ready to shoot him without the vest. I think he’s spending all their money on being a Vestment Queen.
To his credit, Ferris said he lied to protect Hicks. You know, the man he just shot in the back five times.
They were both arrested, made bond, and will be arraigned in May 13.
Thanks to Claudia for the heads up.
I wonder, in the police report where it said subject stated he was paid $200 to protect an asset, whether the officer spelled it ass hat.
1Next time shoot a little lower and remove him from the gene pool.
2in reply to rick: nah, the cops around here aren’t that bright
3These two are Darwin Award candidates for sure.
4This is normal.
In the 70s I went to Jr. High in Denver and this kind of thinking was typical then and I am sure it is now.
The real problem is modern medical science keeps letting these guys back into the gene pool.
5One wonders what these two will be charged with since they shot each other willingly. Is that a crime?
6As the visible bruises show, the vest may prevent holes, but they don’t prevent injury. I’m surprised they avoided internal injury as well, cardiac contusion or aortic dissection being the worst.
7Well, doggone! They both got nailed! Sometimes the sun does come out after all.
8That seems like a good outcome: nobody died, and the idiot gunmen were arrested. I was expecting somebody to end up dead, as so often happens. I suspect that the priest will have a lot of ‘splainin’ to do to his Bishop.
9in fairness to these two morons, I recently had occasion to pass through Arkansas, on my way to somewhere else. as far as I could tell, drinking and shooting each other is probably the only thing to do there, aside from saving up to move to another state.
10How about next, they put on their maga hats and test them to see if they’re bulletproof?
11A few weeks ago I saw a request for funeral donations for a young man who lived in the rural area I grew up in and left 40 yrs ago. The sudden death raised my suspicions and I looked into it further. Yep. His friend shot him while he wore a “bulletproof proof vest.” He’s dead, his friend is in custody—at least two young lives wasted. This country is gun sick.
12They definitely deserve each other. Reminds me of the comment about being glad those two married each other and made two people miserable instead of four people.
I second Claudia’s proposal.
13Based on Sonora’s post, it sounds like Kevlar Follies is shaping up to be this year’s ice bucket challenge. Much more fun than throwing cheese at children.
14thatotherjean, I wonder if he actually has a bishop, or if he just made and declared himself a pastor via mail order ordination papers for $25 or so? A “Knights Templar-inspired church” sounds awfully fishy to me.
15you cannot make this shit up. and i bet they think the white race is supreme. probably got maga hats too.
16$10 says they have the ACA while they want obama care overturned
17Debbi,
That priest robe probably came from a costume shop.
18Usually the phrase “authorities believe that alcohol was involved” appears in articles about fools testing bullet-resistant vests. But since this was in Arkansas, when sober the level of reasoning is already about what a six-pack would produce.
Debbo@15: I’ll have you know that I’ve been an ordained minister in the Universal Life Church, Inc. since 1976. And it did not cost $25. It required a deep faith, dedication to do what is right … and $2 plus a postage stamp.
19That Ferris guy is a true ‘Man of the Kevlar’, eh?
20BTW, Bentonville, Arkansass is the world HQ of WalMart…
Like some have mentioned, AR can be a backward place. I’ve only driven I-44(?) through it before, never stopped for anything. One O’Darkthirty trip some yahoo started jacking with me on the interstate out of nowhere, probably drunk; I finally leveled a large-bore barrel pointed at his face, he disappeared quick (pure self defense on my part, had been attacked with a deadly weapon, a vehicle). Then I kicked in the afterburner and got out of there.
I wonder what they do for fun in other countries where they don’t have “freedom” (TM)?
21As an actual Anglican, I can pretty confidently say – he does NOT have a Bishop. And anyone can order vestments like this online. I know a set of singing ‘nuns’ who bought their cassocks from an actual, certified church supply company online.
Here’s why I think this church exists only in Ferris’ head…..(please note that actual Anglican or Episcopal priests have 4 years of college plus an MDiv). This is a quote from a Facebook post by a ‘Charles Ferris, Evangelical Anglican’:
>Knight Challenge: When your in daunt who has your back?
It took me a minute to translate that into actual English!
22Somebody should have told him you don’t wear the stole over the chasuble, either…
23Well, at least he can provide his own Prayers.
24Thoughts are a different matter.
i assumed the ” i’ll show you if etc. etc. expired at age 7. i assume that is “mental” age
25Surly Prof, I’ve joined the Church of the FSM.
Rules? We don’t need no f**king rules!
That’s my kind of church. I’ve declared my Irrelevant Member because I don’t give a sh*t.
26OK, Charles Ferris appears to be an Anglican priest, Evangelical or otherwise, only in his head. So I hope his Mamma, Daddy, Wife, Aunts, Uncles, Sisters, and Cousins laugh at him every time they see him for the nest ten years.
27This guy likes to dress up and shoot at people.
28That makes him a KKKristian, not a Christian.
BTW nun’s dresses are called habits, oddly enough.
That brings to mind Sister Mary Elephant, of Cheech and Chong fame. Her MO with her high school students was to start out demurely asking for quiet, but ended up shouting,
“SHUTUP!” in a voice that would wake the dead.