Fun With Guns: So Maybe the Sacrament Wasn’t So Blessed After All Edition
Easter Sunday morning in Altoona where the risen Jesus was welcomed with a KA-BAM.
Police say a gun went off at about 11 p.m. Saturday at the Cathedral of the Blessed Sacrament in Altoona, Blair County.
Police say a man had a gun in his pocket and it discharged when he stood up. The bullet grazed the man’s hand.
An Altoona newspaper reported the trigger caught on the man’s pants and the gun’s safety was not on.
A parishioner reacted quickly to the sound of gunfire in his church by returning fire with his camera.
“I noticed the gun was handed to another gentleman. He immediately concealed it in a white program, so I took pictures of the gun inside this program,” Wagler said.
Quick thinking! The hole in the pew and the blood from the self-inflicted wound might have been interpreted as a stigmata.
He handed the gun to someone else who put it inside his program? This should be in Doonesbury.
1Great, I can hear it now: “please take a moment to turn off or silence all electronic devices such as pagers and cell phones, and check to be sure the safety on your concealed handgun is engaged, so as not to interrupt this celebration of the sacred mysteries…” Good flippin grief!!
2Couldn’t have happened to a nicer moron. Lord, please bless this fool and make sure he never picks up a gun again. It would be nice if he never regains the use of his hand, since he’s already lost the use of his mind. Amen.
3the bullet grazed the man’s hand. I wasn’t aware that bullets were herbivores or that grass grows on a man’s hand.
4Unless the individual’s name is Chia Pet. 🙂
5and,of course,Texas officials are dumb enough to issue a gun permit to a Chia Pet.
6Churches around me already have signs everywhere banning cell phones and what all. So now will there be a special collection to pay for the installation of metal detectors instead of a special collection to resupply the local food bank?
7And he thought he needed to take a loaded gun to church, why? Or is he one of those chia pet brains who think they need to take a loaded gun everywhere and are also dumb enough not to know how to put a safety on? And why is it that folks who think they need to take a loaded gun everywhere overlap so much with people who think that God is on their side?
8Blessed are the gun nuts. For they shall carry their weapons to church and allow them to discharge. Because the safety was not on.
9It does sound like Duke going to church in a doped out stupor, doesn’t it Marge?
10Rhea,
11He probably thought he would need to defend himself from the scary Muslins and their frightening woven cloth ways.
At least the setting was appropriate ’cause anyone in this guy’s vicinity really should be praying.
12Jesus Christ is ris’n today
A-a-a-a-a-le-e-lu-u-BLAM!
Our triumphant holy day
A-a-a-a-a-le-e-lu-u-BLAM!
Who upon the cross did once
A-a-a-a-a-le-e-lu-u-BLAM!
Suffer to protect our guns
A-a-a-a-a-le-e-BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!
(reload)
Now let us sing hymns of praise
A-a-a-a-a-le-e-lu-u-BLAM!
And thank God it’s just a graze
A-a-a-a-a-le-e-lu-u-BLAM!
Who endured both death and harm
A-a-a-a-a-le-e-lu-u-BLAM!
So Ted Nugent could go armed
A-a-a-a-a-le-e-BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!
The Mass is over, Rest in Peace to love and serve the Lord
13Amen.
Thanks to daChipster for the updated hymn!
14Chipster, your delightful hymn takes me back… and this one is an oldie but seems appropriate once again (Mama, don’t click on this, it has a bad word):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTGmTrQXrwg
15Thank you mr daChipster, I will be laughing the rest of the day!
16That settles it. From now on I will be a faithful member of Bedsprings Baptist.
17Easter Sunday at my church is when all the people you haven’t seen all year dress up in their finery and fill every pew and every seat. There is always standing room only up the sides from the back to the altar, and lines going out all the doors. I can just imagine the stampede if Mr. Moron’s gun went off at the 10 AM Mass. Tramplings and stampings and screaming and wailing, parking lot crashes and abandoned vehicles.
18Question is “Would it still count?” Or would one have to confess the sin of missing Sunday Mass to avoid being shot? Surely there are some mitigating circumstances here, just not for the shooter.
RA, bedsprings Baptists are apostates and heretics. The only true faith is that of the waterbed Baptists.
19maryelle, this happened right before the recessional, so everyone clearly gets a full score, although the people who hit the side door on their way back from Communion still deserve a dirty look. Generally speaking, making it for the readings and/or staying through the start of Communion is “the good part” – it counts! – if you’ve got “good” reasons to arrive late or leave early. Like, if your weekend release from prison ends at noon, for example.
Technically, the “obligation” is to participate in the Mass, and the “whole Mass” is assumed. In this particular situation, I think God would give you a pass, no matter when the bullets started to fly. And if you wanted to stay home for a couple of weekends watching “Mass for Shut-ins” until your nerves calmed down, I’m sure that would be at MOST a venial sin: 3 Our Fathers, 3 Hail Mary’s, 3 Xanax and a chaser.
20Henry, I fear I must remain an apostate. My, uh, shall we call them more mature, inner ears preclude waterbeds at this stage of my life. Some have considered me a heretic for a long time now, well before I joined Bedsprings. 😉
21Dare I say,daChipster,if that whole mass was seen by x-ray it would be chemoed and radiated to oblivion and the patient would be tentatively given a clean bill of health in remission or some damn thing.
22Pkm: hence my status as a “recovering” catholic. 😉
23Ahhhhheeeeemmmmmm. Just clearing my throat. 🙂
24Epo i meant. And thoughr i has hit send on this correction sooner. My apologies. It gets harder and harder to tell us old rabble rousers apart.
25PKM is a young pup,is he not? Not that there is anything wrong with youth other than being wasted on young people. 🙂
26@epo
@daChipster
@PKM, in absentia
Yes PKM is a indeed a chronological whipper snapper, but because his brain still works oh so well and because he is being exposed to ohhh a 1000+ years of excruciatingly earned experience here at the salon, in his 30s and beyond he should be brilliant and therefore the leader that some of us never were, even when we had the opportunity. PKM and a few more like him are our future. And they damn well better be good because I have entrusted my grands to them.
27Just one more reason to stay in bed on Sunday morning (as if I really needed any more reasons than I already have).
28