Fun With Guns: Armadillo Revenge Edition

October 25, 2015 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

They have not released his name, probably because he was too drunk to know it, but he obviously does not read the newspapers.

In East Texas a guy went out his backdoor at 3:00 am and spotted an armadillo.

He went outside and took his .38 revolver and shot three times at the armadillo,” Rowe said.

The animal’s hard shell deflected at least one of three bullets, which then struck the man’s jaw, he said.

The man was airlifted to a nearby hospital, where his jaw was wired shut, according to Rowe.

First off, that armadillo didn’t do a damn thing to that guy and probably didn’t even draw first. They are a nuisance for sure, but not a .38 caliber revolver at 3:00 am nuisance.

Second off, how many times do we need to tell you that armadillos do not make good target practice?

Thanks to Al for the heads up.

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0 Comments to “Fun With Guns: Armadillo Revenge Edition”


  1. Polite Kool Marxist says:

    Wiring his jaw shut was a good start. Now wire the four fingers of his left hand to the thumb of his right hand, then repeat with his other 4 finger to the left thumb.

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  2. I wish this would happen to every jackwagon who tries to shoot an animal that isn’t doing anybody any harm, which is pretty much all of them.

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  3. Ralph Wiggam says:

    Once upon a time I lived in the Texas Hill Country and tried to raise a garden. That required killing a lot of armadillos. I have never seen an armadillo with a shell hard enough to deflect a bullet. I used .22-shorts and never failed to penetrate the shell. This guy claims that his .38 bullet had enough energy to bounce off an armadillo and injure his jaw, but not enough to penetrate the armadillo shell. I think the guy is pulling someone’s leg.

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  4. Mah Fellow Murkuhn says:

    Didn’t you post this some time back? I know I’ve seen it somewhere before.

    On edit: Yes, you did. https://juanitajean.com/fun-with-guns-wildlife-edition/

    ;-D

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  5. Juanita Jean says:

    Well, Mah, you have a better rememberer than I do. Odd that the dates on the articles are different.

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  6. 3 AM must be the official hour for this crap. 3 AM last Fri. I heard a gunshot. I later talked to my neighbor, she heard it also, nearby in front of her house. Fri. 4 PM one of my dogs runs to the pasture near the road and begins barking. I wen’t to see what was up and there in the yard was a dead coyote with a bullet hole in her side.
    That is all.

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  7. Any proof there was an actual armadillo and not just a suspicious-looking rock?

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  8. Sam in San Antonio says:

    If he’s married his poor wife is probably thrilled about the wired jaw.

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  9. Vehicles are the armadillo’s only natural enemy.

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  10. No question which was the smarter in that episode

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  11. RepubAnon says:

    My guess is that the bullet ricocheted off a rock. One does wonder why people keep shooting at armadillos, though – it seems to be an activity fraught with danger.

    But then perhaps it’s only dangerous at 3 AM after a night spent having “just one more beer”…

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  12. Yeah, armadillos are not really armor plated.

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  13. JAKvirginia says:

    Are guns the only solution for driving off these creatures? A bright flashlight and throwing stones is too weak? I’m not acquainted with armadillos. I live in VA and have rude squirrels and too many chestnut trees. You can imagine.

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  14. slipstream says:

    JAK, I think “rude squirrels” is a redundancy.

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  15. “The animal’s hard shell deflected at least one of three bullets….”

    So he missed, twice, at close range….?

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  16. When I am at my Mom’s in the middle of Big D in the summer – armadilloes come into the yard at night and dig her cannas – i’ve run them off by shaking a kitchen broom at them, no gun needed. They don’t bite and they don’t chase you.

    Yes, vehicles are their only natural enemy.

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  17. If we had his name maybe he could go down in history like David Grundman.
    http://www.snopes.com/horrors/freakish/saguaro.asp

    the Austin Lounge Lizards did a song about him.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7y_9OCCqHM

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  18. Linda Phipps says:

    Slipstream, JAK, I can deal with the rude squirrels. I live in approximately the center of populous Fairfax County in VA, and I have to deal with deer, possums, woodchucks. We put up a deer net around the garden to protect the roses and lilies, and so far I have rescued one small black snake who got tangled up. (He didn’t thank me, I guess that qualifies as “rude”.)

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  19. George in Lee County says:

    A .38 round did not bounce off an Armadillo’s “shell”. This guy either bounced the round off a rock or an old engine part, or he tried to shoot himself but screwed up.

    I’ve tried to reach an armistice with the ‘dillos which mangle my yard and garden, but they continue to violate it, damn their little souls. So if I get a chance, I will off them if they are in the garden, but give them a pass if it is just the yard they are digging up. After all, they do dig into fire ant mounds to eat the eggs and larva. I don’t often get a chance to off them in the garden, as they strike during my short hours of sleep before dawn. Did you know that dillos can climb mesh field fencing?

    And did you know that Jim Franklin once did a drawing of an armadildo?

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  20. Armadillos, often referred to as possum on a half shell. When dining you need a least two people as one should always keep an eye out for approaching traffic. Dan Rather coined the phrase, “If frogs had pockets they could carry pistols.” Armadillos on the other hand may have enough room under the plates to conceal a weapon. This is thier second amendment right, but they have no right to trespass into the hours of darkness.l suspect that once Governor Abbot hears that they have been migrating north from Latin America, he will blame Obama for not building the fence and call out the Texas State Malitia to eradicate the problem.

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  21. George in Lee County says:

    Jim whats-his-name, a former Texas Commissioner of AgUse, was fond of saying he was not a middle-of-the-road kind of guy; that the only thing you could find in the middle of the road was a yellow stripe and dead armadillos.

    I don’t know if Jim coined that joke, but he used it a lot.

    Cole, road kill dillos are best if left to marinate in the heat for a few hours.

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  22. l'angelomisterioso says:

    @Cole-#20 Your remark about dining leads me to believe Jim Hightower was correct. My experience with armadillos from Ft,Hood, days leads me to say you do not try to net one with your fatigue shirt, and you do not wish to be anywhere near armadillo excrement.

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  23. e platypus onion says:

    Somewhere in Texas in an underground laboratory(maybe under an abandoned WalMart store) armadilloes and their Chinee henchmen are collaborating to evolve new dillom shells that are totally bullet proof and have ICBM capabilities.

    ps according to the Amarillo Armadillo News,armadilloes have instituted a bounty on red neck Texas wingnuts.

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  24. @epo

    Those of us who have been to AMA know you are pulling our respective legs. The newspaper in AMA is the Daily Disappointment.

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  25. e platypus onion says:

    Sam in San Antonia-he may be thrilled as well. He won’t have to eat her cookin’ fer awhile. 🙂

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  26. Though I don’t live near them, I have been told a few things about armadillos. They tend to give birth to identical quadruplets. If startled, they jump straight up, which is a bad technique for dealing with oncoming cars. And they tend to run out of their burrows at top speed in case anything is waiting out there.

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  27. Marge Wood says:

    Elizabeth Moon, and other hard at work scribblers, this column is full of great story material.
    Armadillos jump straight up when you’re trying to avoid them. We had a place named ARMADILLO CROSSING when we lived in western Taylor County. Now if someone would also write about the habits of mockingbirds who dive bomb cats minding their own business until the cat gets fed up and eats the mockingbird, uh, where was I going with this? Some animals have small minds but are otherwise entertaining. I think I’ll go clean up the kitchen.

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  28. I’ve only seen a live armadillo while hiking in TX. There were lots of dead ones decorating bars, including one with glitter toenail polish.

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