His name is Jordan D. Haskins and he’s running Michigan’s 95th House District.  He calls himself a member of “true red-blooded American conservatism.”  Of course he does.  He also masturbates in other peoples’ cars.

On four occasions between April of 2010 and January of 2011, Haskins broke into vehicles on public and private property, disconnected the ignition wires, then started the engine. As the wires snapped and spit sparks, Haskins would masturbate to climax in a sexualized ritual he calls “cranking.”

Oh, but that’s not all.

Michigan Live said, “North Carolina’s Department of Public Safety reports a lengthy list of sentences to prison, county jail and probation for offenses Haskins committed in 2006, 2007, 2008 and 2009. The offenses include breaking and entering, larceny and trespassing.”

He says all that is behind him once he turned 20 years old.

He hopes now that voters will see him as the man he is, rather than the troubled teen he was. Haskins said that he has found “my niche, my passion” in conservative politics.

I do not want to know what he does inside voting booths.  Do not tell me.  Seriously, shuddup about it.

Thanks to Jeff for the heads up.