Fun With Creepy Republicans: The “Of Course It’s About Sex” Edition
His name is Jordan D. Haskins and he’s running Michigan’s 95th House District. He calls himself a member of “true red-blooded American conservatism.” Of course he does. He also masturbates in other peoples’ cars.
On four occasions between April of 2010 and January of 2011, Haskins broke into vehicles on public and private property, disconnected the ignition wires, then started the engine. As the wires snapped and spit sparks, Haskins would masturbate to climax in a sexualized ritual he calls “cranking.”
Oh, but that’s not all.
Michigan Live said, “North Carolina’s Department of Public Safety reports a lengthy list of sentences to prison, county jail and probation for offenses Haskins committed in 2006, 2007, 2008 and 2009. The offenses include breaking and entering, larceny and trespassing.”
He says all that is behind him once he turned 20 years old.
He hopes now that voters will see him as the man he is, rather than the troubled teen he was. Haskins said that he has found “my niche, my passion” in conservative politics.
I do not want to know what he does inside voting booths. Do not tell me. Seriously, shuddup about it.
Thanks to Jeff for the heads up.
You just can’t make this stuff up!
1Seriously, what Party members put him up for election? I think there is something to be desired in their vetting process!
2As long as he doesn’t make the voting machine spit sparks….
Are the Dems less perverted, or do I just not hear about them?
3Damn! This is one of those times that I am both glad and regretful that I studied psychology in grad school! This guy really, really could benefit from shock therapy of a different sort.
4He really may have found his niche. Republican social “conservatism” is most certainly a form of self-pleasuring.
5Think about Michigan republicans, meeting Haskins on the campaign trail, shaking hands with him, as he climbs out of his car, or somebody’s car.
6Twistedness aside, he must have only disconnected SOME of the ignition wires or the car wouldn’t run. He might have been able to use the starter engine to “crank” the engine but heck fire most starter motors won’t keep turning for as much as a minute even with a really strong, fully charged battery.
7Henceforth shall be known as Jordan Jerkoff.
8He belongs to the Deviant Division of the Tea Party. Wait, there are so many that it should just be termed Deviant party.
Don A., A minute was probably more time than he required.
9Jordan Jerkoff and his stroke(s) of genius?
10Ya know, the last few days have left me in need a shower after reading about these perverted Cons & their ignorance about women and common decency.
Good Grief.
11Betcha there’s a drug habit in here that hasn’t been dragged kicking and screaming into the cold light of day yet. It would certainly explain a lot!
The KKKristian GOP, aka, the “hey lookit over there! THOSE people are way worse than I am” party!
12I like his qoute about “my stool of conservatism”
He also said, “If anything, I could be put on ‘World’s Dumbest Criminals.”
I wonder what makes him think he’d be any smarter as a Rep to the US House of Representatives. Michigan’s 95th’s saving grace is that he’s also not smart enough to know he’s running in a Democratic district.
13@Larry – That was my first thought, too!
14Oh yuk. Blech.
15Psst JJ: What he does in that voting booth is vote a straight Republican ticket. Now THAT’S perverted!
16No way he does anything more disgusting in a voting booth than vote.
17So, he’s a “man” now? I guess he’s graduated to large truck ignition systems.
OTOH, the repubs would mercilessly trash any Democrat forever if they found out that they sneezed when they were 3 years old and didn’t say “excuse me”.
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