Oh y’all, how come all great stories start with “Florida man …”

See the logic?

The man, whose name is Earle of course, says he took some pain medication at noon and then started actively drinking at 2:00.

Earle, who is almost 70 years old, drove Mercury Grand Marquis to Vero Beach and at 5:28 p.m. was in a McDonald’s drive-thru, bumping the car in front of him, because you know how damn slow they are at the Vero Beach McDonald’s.

But Earle explained that it’s not a bad as you think.

“(Stevens) further explained that he was not drinking while the car was moving and only when he stopped for stop signs and traffic signals,” deputies wrote in the arrest report.

So Ole Earle got arrested and taken to the pokey where he blew a .153 on the breath test, which is like double-drunk.  He told officers that he “felt pretty good.”

Oh yeah, and Earle says he’s never had a valid Florida driver’s license.