Florida Man …
Oh y’all, how come all great stories start with “Florida man …”
See the logic?
The man, whose name is Earle of course, says he took some pain medication at noon and then started actively drinking at 2:00.
Earle, who is almost 70 years old, drove Mercury Grand Marquis to Vero Beach and at 5:28 p.m. was in a McDonald’s drive-thru, bumping the car in front of him, because you know how damn slow they are at the Vero Beach McDonald’s.
But Earle explained that it’s not a bad as you think.
“(Stevens) further explained that he was not drinking while the car was moving and only when he stopped for stop signs and traffic signals,” deputies wrote in the arrest report.
So Ole Earle got arrested and taken to the pokey where he blew a .153 on the breath test, which is like double-drunk. He told officers that he “felt pretty good.”
Oh yeah, and Earle says he’s never had a valid Florida driver’s license.
That is a level of creativity I’ve never conceived of. has anyone offered this guy a job writing comedy?
1At 70 Earle still has a bright future as one of Dotard45’s speech writers or as a replacement for Wilbur Ross.
2Maybe he’s trying to qualify for a spot on the Supreme Court.
3I once heard a cop testify as to a defendant’s blood alcohol level, “He had enough in him to kill him and make him drunk again.”
4Considering all the extemporaneous statementing ole Earle was doing, I’m disappointed he only blew .15. Of course the limit in Flow-rye-duh is .08, so like Miz JJ said, ole Earle’s pret near double dog drunk. Maybe the State’ll take his social security while he’s locked up, after all they’re paying for his room and board.
5Never had a valid Florida drivers license?
6Ole Earle will probably tell the judge that he doesn’t recognize the validity of the state of Florida’s right to say who can or can’t drive.
And oh yeah. He drives better with a few drinks in em.
That oughta do it.
I would say that he voted for Trump but he didn’t have a driver’s license which is what my state requires as identification. But I would still bet he has a red MAGA hat.
7Sounds like dementia has become a part of Earle’s life, aggravating his stupidity and alcoholism. Sounds like a perfect candidate for the MAGA crowd.
8So, started actively drinking…. before 2:00 he was just what, sipping?
9Well…if you’ve ever been to Vero Beach (which I have) it is heavily populated with The Old, so the part about the slow traffic in the MacDonald’s drive thru is probably true — but, still. Was he there to get coffee to sober up?
10Maggie, good catch. Also with no drivers license I don’t know of any insurer who would write him a policy. Another reason to steer clear of Florida. As in my response to the previous story, when I state I don’t GAF … I try to not break the law.
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