Oh y’all, if you see that I’ve cleaned out the Beauty Salon and hung a for sale sign on the door, it’s because I have followed my heart and applied for my new dream job since I was told there is no such job as Queen of Baseball.

Y’all, I can work for Willie.

Country music legend Willie Nelson is about to launch his weed factory in Colorado — and they’re looking for a few good stoners to help run the show.

Willie’s Reserve has five job openings, according to The Cannabist. You’ll have to be willing to go on the road again because the jobs are in Denver.

No, they are tokin’ serious.

Can somebody please embroidery that on a nice couch cushion for me?

The jobs include a sales director, compliance officer, production manager, extractor and bookkeeper. Click here to apply.

I am just perfect for any of those jobs.  And, GET THIS! – they pay you money to do it.  Actual American money.  Hellfire, Darlin’, I’d do any of those jobs as a volunteer on the off chance that Willie might show up.

Thelma says that “Colorado Juanita” has way too many vowels, plus there’s snow there.  Yeah, yeah, like I would be aware that it’s snowing.

Thanks to Ron for the heads up.

Little Marco has discovered that he doesn’t know how to get off the government teat.

Marco Rubio has changed his little repetitive mind and is going to run for re-election after promising not to.

Rep. Patrick Murphy (D-Fla.), a Democratic candidate for Rubio’s seat, slammed him as reports surfaced Wednesday that Rubio would run.

“Marco Rubio abandoned his constituents, and now he’s treating them like a consolation prize,” Murphy said in a statement.

Good one, Murphy!

You know, it’s not like Florida hasn’t had enough bad things happening in their state lately.  Now Marco has to join in the bedlam. I just don’t think that’s very nice of him. Leave Florida alone, Marco – they have suffered enough.

Oh please, Dear Lord, have mercy on my soul, but Donald Trump should go soak his head in a big ole vat of Deuteronomy.

Donald Trump questioned Hillary Clinton’s commitment to her Christian faith on Tuesday, saying that little is known about her spiritual life even though she’s been in the public eye for decades.

Speaking to a group of top social conservative evangelical Christian leaders at a gathering in New York City, Trump said, “we don’t know anything about Hillary in terms of religion.”

But, yes sireeeee, we know a whole lot about Donald Trump’s religion.  I wonder if he would be willing to give us the scriptural basis for encouraging violence at his speeches or combing his hair all stupid like that.

Maybe it’s in Two Corinthians ….

Trump’s pronunciation of the Bible verse drew laughter from the Christian audience — but he downplayed it, saying his Scottish mother would have said “two Corinthians,” as well.

“It’s a very small deal, but a lot of people in different sections of the world say two, and I’ve had many, many people say that to me. My mother, as you know, was from Scotland, and they say two,” Trump said.

No, that’s wrong.  Nobody has ever said Two Corinthians when they mean Second Corinthians.  Nobody.  Ever. Not even in Scotland or Australia.

Sweet Jesus.  Please throw the moneychangers out of the Temple.

UPDATE:  Trump found a whole herd of moneychangers!

According to a Trump press release, he has named an “Evangelical Advisory Board.”

Prepare yourself:

There’s not one mainstream Christian name on there.

Thanks to David for the heads up.

Well, just in case you’re needing a little Tuesday morning pick-up fun, here ya go.

It’s the new and improved Thoughts and Prayers game where you can be an actual congressvarmint doing something about guns, guns, guns.

I need to warn you that the audio on the game is cool but very loud so turn down your sound.

Thoughts and Prayers for your deadly entertainment enjoyment!

Thanks to AlaninAustin for the heads up.

One of Trumps major selling points leading into the primaries was his fabulous wealth, if we use “fabulous” in the mythical sense of the word.   The credulous conservative cretins believed that he was worth $10 billion, and that that cash would be spent to make America something or other. But without a view behind the curtain, speculation has run to Trump having much, much less than that. And most of what he does own is tied up in things like jets, buildings, resorts and golf courses, all of which are notoriously hard to fit inside a wallet.

Still, the legend Trump was selling, the prestige (in several senses of that word) was that he would be self-funding, and so free of ALL evil corporate influences, save one: himself. Well, this part is true: Donald Trump is “self-funding,” just not in the generally recognized sense of THOSE words.

The recent FEC filing from his campaign has revealed that the biggest ticket items paid out in the last month are for things like jets, buildings, resorts and golf courses.

• Jets: over $300,000 to Trump’s TAG air
• Buildings: over $125,000 to Trump Tower
• Resorts: over $400,000 to Trump’s Mar-a-Lago
• Golf Courses: over $65,000 to Trump National and Trump International, both in Florida

This guy’s got NOTHING on Trump.

There was one expenditure over $200,000 which did appear to be paid to someone other than himself.  It was $208,000 for hats.  Lots and Lots of Hats.  Each one saying Make America Something-or-Other.

Trump is not self-funding in the sense of paying for his own campaign. He’s self-funding in the sense that he’s funding himself.

Lordy, Lordy, when it is too hot to land an airplane from Houston, it’s too damn hot.

A Phoenix-bound flight was forced to return to Houston Sunday evening because of weather conditions in the Valley of the Sun. Passengers who were on the plane said the flight crew told them the record-breaking heat is to blame.

United flight 6186 departed from Bush Intercontinental Airport at 2:30pm and was minutes away from landing at Sky Harbor Airport when the flight crew notified passengers it would be turning back around because of the weather.

And that weather was heat.  It was too hot to land an airplane.  From Houston.  Houston, mind you, the totally air conditioned city because it’s so damn hot.

Thanks to Bryan for the heads up.