The Trump campaign has published a list of acceptable words for everyone to use so that the Republican candidate and his merry minions don’t get confused. “They won’t stick to our talking bits,” complained one aide.  “We don’t know what is meaned.” The new lexicon is mostly synonyms for “big,” and has fewer words than the average dog understands.

The list, comprising approximately 200 words and their derivative forms, including “bigly,” represents an effort on the campaign’s behalf to ensure that no one can look smarter than the tongue-tied Trump, simply by having an eighth grade vocabulary.

For instance, that last paragraph would translate into Trumpspeak as “The list has lots of words, good words, the BEST words and it’s a huge list, so that Mr Trump can talk gooder than anyone.  It has lots of words, I can tell you them all, I could tell more than anyone.”

Ironically, the list does not contain the word “irony.”  Kellyanne Conway, Trump “Big Talker Person” says that “the running for President man has superior genes which do not include the gene for that word you just said that we don’t know of but emails, Benghazi.”

Under the new Trump Rules of Tawkin and Speling, all sentences must end with the words “email, Benghazi.”  Also, under the new rules, Trump’s verbal SAT score has been retroactively raised from 17 to 1000 on a scale of 800.

Trump rules for that number thingy (fka “Math”) will have be wroted soonly, email.

Benghazi.

Lookie here what happens when you call a Latina woman “Miss Housekeeper.”

And there’s more.  National searches for “registrarse para votar” See full size here.

Thank you, Donald Trump.  By the way, my Latina friends say that Alicia Machado is all over Spanish language teevee.

You go, Girl!

Thanks to Deb for the heads up.

Newt, y’all.

Newt Gingrich stepped up to defend Donald Trump, mainly because if Trump isn’t elected, Newt still won’t have a job.

Former Speaker Newt Gingrich on Wednesday defended Donald Trump’s remarks about a former Miss Universe’s weight gain, blaming the woman for gaining the weight.

“You’re not supposed to gain 60 pounds during the year that you’re Miss Universe,” Gingrich told a Log Cabin Republicans event in Washington, according to the Daily Mail.

I dunno, maybe it’s just me, but I think it’s not her fault that Donald Trump behaved like a jerk and called her names.  That’s on him, Newt.

And then to offer proof that irrational paranoia is contagious, Newt continued …

Gingrich also said Hillary Clinton’s campaign and the media were working together to lay “the Machado trap,” which he said was “a trap that was set up for three or four months.”

“News media were lined up to run articles the second Hillary said something,” he said, according to the Daily Mail.

“The media” is not one big giant breathing organism who all play well together and never, ever leak information.  I mean, in the real world, not just Newt’s head.

I’m no highly paid political professional like Kellyanne Conway, but I kinda think that the chubby guys need to shut the hell up about this.

Please meet Randy Rainbow —

Enjoy!

The New York Times went out and talked to some women about the debate.  Most liked Hillary.  However, one women might should have thought things through before she spoke …

Not everyone thought Mr. Trump appeared unprepared for the White House.

Barb Haag of West Chester, a retired teacher of the emotionally disturbed, said Mr. Trump’s interruptions did not bother her. “Kids interrupt you all the time if they have a point to make,” she said.

Yeah, Barb, that’s what we’re saying.  Exactly what we’re saying.