o

If you’re like Juanita and wake up in cold sweats at night over the possibility that all the Bubbas in the United States did not learn from George W Bush that electing a double IQ Governor from Texas is not a great idea, you’ll be happy to hear this news.

In the latest Rasmussen poll, Bill White has come up two points and finally pushed Rick Perry below 50%.

“People from foreign states better keep a heads-up on this one, because Rick Perry thinks that he and Sarah Palin are gonna occupy the White House.  That gives me chronic reoccurring hebejebes,” she says, “because there’s fair to decent odds that those teabaggers are gonna try to bring back the good ole days of government wild spending and  crunching the Constitution like George Bush had.  If that doesn’t scare you into salvation and Sunday School seat, nothing will.”

By the way, Buck Pochek is the Rick Perry point man for Fort Bend County.  Buck is dumber than Rick, but not near as prissy.

Yo, hey here.  This is Buck Pochek, of The Good Folks at Buck Pochek’s Rural Entertainment Promoters and recent 1/17^th proud owner of the probable Sugar Land semi-pro baseball team, The Sweet City Ballers.

I snuck in this weekend and figured out Juanita’s password for her computers.  Someone should be allowed to present the other side of issues on this here so-called website.  Juanita says, “There is no acceptable other side of sanity,” but she is wrong.  There is.  It is called Real True American Who Hate Taxes and Resent Being Called Teabaggers Because It’s Demeaning, Sexually Speaking.

I am Buck Pochek and I am a proud 1^st and 2^nd Amendment proponent.  I have a right to say whatever I want to say and I have guns to make you listen.  As far as I’m concerned, you only have a right to 2 amendments at any given time.  I have picked mine.  You liberals can take the 3^rd and the 5^th.

Ha! Take the 5^th.  Ha! That’s funny.  I am a funny man.  I could go pro in comedy if this deal with Tom DeLay and AAA-baseball falls through, which it won’t because if there’s dealing to do, Tom’s your man.  Dancin’ and bookkeepin’, not so much.  But that little fella can wheel and deal.

Anyway, I just wanted you folks to know that some of us right here in Fort Bend County are Real True Americans Who Hate Taxes.  Juanita and her liberal friends, and I’m including Thelma here even though we sometimes “date” if you know what I mean, are not the only opinion around here.

I’m gonna try to sneak in here on weekends and let you know what The Real True Americans With Guns and God are doing in Fort Bend County.

o

Something is wrong with you if you don’t love Willie Nelson.

There a great story about Willie going on trial in Waco several years ago for getting caught with marijuana in his car.  The officer saw a car on the side of the road with a man asleep inside.  A subsequent search revealed the evil weed.

During the pre-trial hearings, Willie’s lawyer asked the young arresting officer, “And, sir, what was your probable cause for seaching this man’s car?”

The young officer sat there for a minute and, with disbelief in his eyes at that question, answered the lawyer, “Uh, Sir, it was Willie Nelson.”

I think that story is true,  In fact, I’m pretty sure it is.

Willie is going on Larry King Live and there’s a preview of Willie explaining that he partakes of a grass cocktail every day.  “I have a huge tolerance for it,” he says, which pretty much qualifies as the understatement of the year.  Huge doesn’t begin to cover it.

Gotta love Willie.

o

Juanita is in such a good mood today that’s she giving away curling irons.  Get in line because she’ll surely come to her senses soon.

“Goldman Sachs is going to stinkin’ jail,” Juanita shouts.

The government has accused Goldman Sachs of defrauding investors by failing to disclose conflicts of interest in mortgage investments it sold as the housing market was faltering.

“But, that’s just part of the good news,” she says.

“People often ask me if I’m upset because Tom DeLay is not in jail, but instead is out trying to be a dealmaker in AAA baseball.  First of all, seeing Tom DeLay make a complete fool of himself on Dancing With the Stars just to make money is much better than seeing him do the perp walk.  And, I have to admit that seeing him involved in minor-league anything is pitiful for a man who once claimed to be the federal government.”

“So, I’m all okay with pathetic Tom DeLay,” she smiles.

“No, the man I want to see in jail is Phil Gramm.  And, have mercy, it’s about to happen.  Nobody deserves being roommate with Tough Timmy for a few years more than Phil Gramm does.”

A former banker who blew the whistle on thousands of secret bank accounts rich Americans held at Swiss giant UBS claimed Thursday some U.S. politicians also kept off-shore accounts with the bank.

“We had an office in Washington that we all referred to as the PEP office – for ‘Politically Exposed People,'” Bradley Birkenfeld said.

He was speaking by phone – on tax day, no less – from Schuylkill County federal prison in Pennsylvania, where he is serving a 40-month sentence for his role in the tax evasion scheme.

“Only top managers from the bank knew the names of the political clients,” Birkenfeld said.

“So, we have a whistleblower sitting on proof of hanky-panky at USB,” Juanita grins.  “And who is a vice-president / lobbyist for USB?  Phil Gramm, that’s who.  Free haircuts all day on the day Phil Gramm is indicted!”

“And, then as if to put a cherry on top of this day, guess who is heavily invested in USB?  Oh be still my heart, it’s John Cornyn.”

So head on over to the beauty salon this afternoon and get your Celebratory Phil Gramm Curling Iron.

o

Juanita was tickled pink to see The President of These United States have a little fun with the teabaggers yesterday.

Speaking at a Democratic fundraiser in Miami Thursday night, the president touted tax cuts in the stimulus measure and the fact that the tax rate has not been increased for those making less than $250,000 a year.

“So I’ve been amused in recent days by these people having rallies,” he told the crowd at the fundraiser to laughter. “I think they should be saying thank you.”

And there’s this —

The White House noted Thursday that federal taxes were reduced by $173 billion in 2009 and said that the average tax refund is about 10 percent higher than last year.

“Well, it’s not like anybody anywhere anyhow ever for one single minute believed that these teabagger protests were actually about taxes,” Juanita grinned.  “It’s like my Daddy used to say, ‘Baby Girl, don’t get mad at people just because their pilot light went out.  You can be amused by them, but getting mad is just wasting time.’  Daddy went to That Great Oil Patch In The Sky before there was such a thing as teabaggers, but I suspect he saw them coming when he said that.”

o

There is a race for mayor in Missouri City.  Juanita does not live in Missouri City, but it’s just down the road from her beloved Richmond and the fun spills over sometimes.

Some of you may recall that there is a woman unburdened by good sense who is running for mayor of Missouri City.  Cynthia Lenton Gary is not new to The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc. because, God love her, she makes it soooo easy.

The latest?  Although Ms. Gary claims to be a Democrat, she is touting the endorsement of  the Republican dude (seen here in this video urging Democrats to vote Republican) who ran for DA last month and got 20.08% of the vote.  He has the distinction of coming in fifth in a three way race.  And, even though Richard Raymond only got 43 whole votes in his own precinct and 14.92% of the vote in the largest precinct in Missouri City, Ms. Gary announced his endorsement with  flair and pride —

Professor Gary responded that she is very honored by this support and appreciates Mr. Raymond’s efforts at drawing attention to some of the ethical problems in our county and local taxing entities when he ran a very spirited race for the district attorneys seat last March. I know that with his help and guidance we can move our city in the direction of a more open and transparent government, one that is responsive to all her citizens and follows the laws of the state in the spirit of ethical praxis.

“Spirited race?  Honey, loud and obnoxious does not count as spirited.  Write that down somewhere.”

“And, Babe, listen up.  Ethical praxis?  Praxis?  Really?  Honey, if that man swallowed a ten penny nail, he’d cough up a corkscrew.  Good Lord, Honey, he lost because he makes John Edwards look like The Patron Saint of Universal Matrimony.  People don’t want him anywhere near their money or their government.  You really think he’s got a pocket filled with ethical …. anything?  Babe, hold on to that thought while we defrost your brain,” Juanita suggests.

“Richard Raymond got creamed.  He got beat so bad that he has to unzip his pants to see out.  He got beat so bad that even his grandchildren will be born shaking.  He got beat so bad that his toenails are loose.  He got an all-world butt kickin’.”

“I think Gary has found the bottom of that barrel we’ve been missing,” Juanita acknowledges.  “Why, come to think of it, it’s kinda the depth praxis.  And, Honey, she’s mighty proud of that what with press releases and all.”

I flat love this place.