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Thanks to Deb, here’s your daily dose of crazy old white people. Click the little one to get the big one.

Nice shirt, Granny.

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A woman named Chris Meeks is running as a write-in for County Judge.  She’s a Teabagger.   First thing I found is this on Debra Medina’s site.  And Bubba just called and said he saw a yardsign for her.

There appears to be some confusion because here she says her name is Christine Zubizarreta, which is the name of a 47 year old female who lives in Richmond.  However, that name is a little tough for a write in, so I could hardly blame her for going with the Meeks thing – after all, they will inherit the earth, which is almost exactly what she’s asking for.

So we may have some fun in the county judge’s race after all.

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The front –

The inside –

wooooo …. Frank Sinatra, Jr.  I bet that empties out the entire trailer park.

I get an image of Sinatra calling some goombas and saying, “Look here, I want you to really classy up that invitation.  Put some tufted velvet upholstery on there, Johnny.  Yeah, that’s what we want.  And lots of gold, too.”

Oh. Dear. God.

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Texas Republican Congressman Mike McCaul has enough money to burn a wet elephant.  His wife is the daughter of the founder of Clear Channel Communications and bought Mike a congressional seat because Mike was pretty much too stoopid to do anything else.

Juanita is giggling this morning because McCaul has taken a big ole swig of hypocrisy juice.

Rep. Michael McCaul, one of the richest Members of Congress, appears to have failed to fully disclose dozens of stock transactions worth millions of dollars on his annual financial disclosure reports for 2008 and 2009.

McCaul is the ranking member overseeing the ethics trial of Rep. Charlie Rangel, which is set to begin this month on charges that, among other things, the New York Democrat failed to report or misreported numerous assets or income on his financial disclosure forms between 1998 and 2008.

“I have learned a long time ago that when Republicans holler about something that Democrats are doing, it’s because they themselves are doing exactly the same thing, only bigger and worse.  I think I said that just a minute ago about Newt and mirrors and whatnot,” she grins.

McCaul’s explanation for the omission is worthy of a candidate for Fiddler General of Hotsy County.

“Our PFDs were submitted to and approved by the Ethics Committee. Millan & Company made clerical errors and has taken full responsibility for them. It is common for members of Congress to amend their Personal Financial Disclosures and we look forward to correcting these clerical errors immediately,” McCaul said.

“Okay, Mike,” Juanita begins, “the Ethics Committe’s ‘approval’ mean they got them and time stamped them.  Whoop-tee-do.  And, Sweetie, the company you pay to lie for you takes responsibility because that’s what they are stinkin’ paid to do.  Honey, that whole paragraph is the Blue Plate of Duh Tuesday Special.”

But here’s the part Juanita likes best —

The Texas lawmaker, who will rank sixth on Roll Call’s upcoming annual survey of the richest Members of Congress with a minimum net worth of $73.75 million, has seen his fortunes sextuple since he filed his first financial disclosure report, which was for the 2004 calendar year.

“Boy howdy!  That there is a some money makin’.  Heck, Hon, even Cindy Lou, our local pavement princess, can’t sextuple her net worth that quick.  You gotta have some loaded dice to do that.”

McCaul’s opponent is Ted Ankrum, a disabled veteran and a good man.

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Newt Gingrich, who has failed in as many attempts at being President as he has at marriage, had an interesting interview last week.  It seems he’s subscribing to the notion that Barack Obama is Kenyan.

What if [Obama] is so outside our comprehension, that only if you understand Kenyan, anti-colonial behavior, can you begin to piece together [his actions]?” Gingrich asked. “That is the most accurate, predictive model for his behavior.”

“At first I thought maybe he was talking money, you know, like Keynesian economics,” Juanita admits.  “But apparently not, apparently he means the country.  You know, where Obama wasn’t raised or educated.  Kenya.  Not Malaysian anti-colonial behavior, not even Canadian anti-colonial behavior.  Kenyan.”

“However, Juanita continued with hairbrush in hand, waving around furiously, is this line about Obama from Newt—-”

“In the Alinksy tradition, he [Obama] was being the person he needed to be in order to achieve the position he needed to achieve. … He was authentically dishonest.”

“You mean like a guy who was screwing around on his second wife while condemning Bill Clinton for hoochy-koochy?  You mean authentically dishonest like that?  You mean a guy who made term limits part of the Contract with America … for everyone except himself?  That kind of dishonest?”

“Newt, Babe, your mirror is talking back to you.”

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Sometimes you find heroes in unexpected places.  Like Amarillo.  On a skateboard.

It seems that some other goofy minister decided he wasn’t getting enough attention so he bought himself a barbeque pit, some lighter fluid, one of those long lighter things and a copy of the Quran.  Then he called a press conference.

Oh jeeezzzzzzzzz …. that is sooooo last week.  “Is that the best he could come up with?” Juanita wants to know.  “Heck, even I could give it a new twist – how about freeze a Quran?  Or maybe read it and pretend to go blind.  Or paint a Quran.  Or wrap it it Saran Wrap and cook it in the microwave?   Come on, men of crazy cloth, you gotta do better than this to keep reporters’ attention.”

So, some folks went to watch and some went to protest.  And one went to be an accidental  hero.

A planned Quran burning Saturday in Amarillo was thwarted by a 23-year-old carrying a skateboard and wearing a T-shirt with “I’m in Repent Amarillo No Joke” scrawled by hand on the back.

Jacob Isom, 23, grabbed David Grisham’s Quran when he became distracted while arguing with several residents at Sam Houston Park about the merits of burning the Islamic holy book.

“You’re just trying to start Holy Wars,” Isom said of Grisham after he gave the book to a religious leader from the Islamic Center of Amarillo.

“Dude, that was very kewl,” Juanita bows in respect.

And then the story says —

Protesters threw their hands on the grill Grisham planned to use to burn the Quran, someone took his lighter and Isom stole the Quran, leaving him with just lighter fluid.

“I kind of expected the reaction,” Grisham said of the turnout.

As the crowd jeered, Grisham got into a car and left peacefully without burning any copies of the holy book.

“Oh crap,” Juanita hollered, “he was going to grill the Quran?  That has just got to be a violation of Texas cooking laws and several health codes.  You cannot grill a book in Texas.  You just cannot.  I am certain that abusive grilling is not protected by the First Amendment.  If it is, we should fix that.”

“Goodness sake,” she mumbles.  “What a waste of perfectly good mesquite wood.”

Juanita thanks Amarillo for handling this the easiest way – leaving a man standing in a city park with only lighter fluid to cover his dumbness.

Way to go, Amarillo!