.

“It appears that two hundred million dollars in false advertising will determine the makeup of the 112th Congress.  Ain’t that a damn kicker?” Juanita asks.

Everybody has been so focused on the foreign money that Karl Rover is using for his quest of world domination that we’ve forgotten what exactly it is he bought with that money.

Lies.  Lotsa lies.

We’re witnessing a massive disinformation campaign flooding airwaves across the country that could change the outcome of major races and shift the balance of power in Congress, funded by money from undisclosed sources, justified with still more falsehoods and disinformation.

There’s plenty of examples.

Here’s a partial list of debunked ads hitting Dems from the Chamber, and Rove’s groups, Crossroads GPS and American Crossroads —-

* A Chamber ad was yanked from two Pennsylvania TV stations after they determined its claim about Pennsylvania Senate Dem candidate Joe Sestak and Nancy Pelosi was false.

* A Crossroads GPS ad slamming Sestak over health care reform and Medicare was skewered by FactCheck.org for its “wild exaggeration” and dismissed as “badly misleading.”

* A Crossroads GPS ad attacking California Senator Barbara Boxer for voting to cut Medicare spending by $500 billion was rated by Politifact as “barely true” and “seriously misleading.”

Find more here.

“Look, I’m not saying that Karl Rove is the devil.  But he is in cahoots with the devil,” Juanita says.  “When he’s alone he’s in bad company.”

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Harold Cook over at Letters from Texas has a great find.

Apparently, elections officials in Atascosa County have been sending out absentee ballot packets for years with a picture of the Chilean flag. The County voter registrar blames the mistake on a predecessor.

I’m pretty certain that’s not the only time that’s happened.  I’ve had to call city hall several times to tell them that they’ve got the flag upside down.  Unlike the US flag, in Texas that is not a distress signal.  It just means you’re drunk.

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Needless to say, times are hard.  But, if you’re a friend and major campaign donor of Rick Perry’s, times ain’t so tough.  Rick Perry is gift wrapping millions in taxpayer money and scampering on down the road to his friends’ toga parties.

Gov. Rick Perry approved a $4.5 million award from the state’s technology fund to a company founded by a major campaign donor despite the company’s failure to win the endorsement of a regional screening board, The Dallas Morning News has learned.

The money was awarded in August to Convergen Lifesciences Inc., founded by Perry contributor David G. Nance. Convergen was allowed to bypass a key part of the Texas Emerging Technology Fund’s extensive process for vetting applications, and to proceed for approval to a statewide advisory board appointed by Perry.

“David Nance has donated $80,000 to Rick Perry’s campaigns, which is a pretty damn good investment  when you get a four and half million dollar return on your money,” Juanita admiringly says.  “I gotta send Ole Rick some money because my bank isn’t paying that well on my savings account.”

“And it appears, of damn course, that Mr. Nance has taken Ole Rick hunting and other testosterone related events.  I dunno,” she admits, “maybe four and half million dollars is the standard payment for having to hunt with Rick Perry.”

“Listen up.  Rick Perry is so crooked that he has to screw on his socks.  This ain’t the first time he’s played cahoots with taxpayer money, but it could be the last.”

Thelma jumps in.  “He’s crooked as a barrel of snakes.  He’s so crooked that when he dies, it’ll take a phillips screwdriver to get him in his coffin.  He’s crooked as a dog’s hind leg.  He’s crooked as a pail of fishhooks.  He so crooked …”

“We get it, Thelma,” everybody hollers before she works herself into a tizzy.

“Yeah, but if he swallows a nail, he’d spit up a corkscrew,” she grins.

That’s probably true.

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Juanita is is no stranger to wrinkle cream.  She has to be.  Sarah Palin has put more than one laugh line on Juanita’s shining face.

And there’s also Verdelia, who is so old that when God said let there be light, she personally hit the switch.

So when the fillys at The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc. heard Sarah Palin’s latest speech, they thought some of the words seemed familiar.

“Juanita,” began Verdelia, “there was something about Sarah’s speech that seemed oh so familiar.  I can’t put my finger on it, but it’s something …. hummmm.”

“We cannot undo the damage done by the Obama agenda until we replace Obama himself,” Palin said. “These two elections, 2010 and 2012, go hand-in-hand. … The theme of 2010 has got to be rebuke their errors, reject, repeal; and then the theme of 2012 – it’s renew, revive and restore.”

“Renew, revive, and restore?  That, in fact, does sound familiar.”

Thelma had the answer.  Click the little one to get the big one.

“So, Miss Sarah was sitting at her mirror one morning and came up with a slogan to be President of the United States.  I guess it beats the hell outta reading a book,” Juanita grins.

“I dunno, Honey,” Verdelia adds, “if she runs for President, we might get our answer from a gallon jug of Preparation H.”

I ain’t making this stuff up, Folks.  I couldn’t make this stuff up.  And why would I when I have Sarah Palin doing it for me.

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New York Gubernatorial hopeful Carl Paladino slammed gays this week by saying that children should not be “brainwashed” into thinking that homosexuality is acceptable.

Okay, we’re now taking bets on how long it will be before Mr. Paladino is found soliciting an undercover cop in a bathroom.  Juanita says by Thanksgiving but only because his staff is watching him like a hawk until the election.

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If you’ve been sober and awake lately, you’ve heard about Governor Rick Perry’s secret schedule.  It came as a shock to Juanita that Rick Perry had two schedules because it’s been shown that he only works 8 hours a week.  “To be honest, I don’t know if that’s bad news or good news,” Juanita admits.

Rick Perry is a very secretive man about what he does on the taxpayer’s dime.

But Perry, who has touted his administration as open and transparent, has selectively withheld information and fought to keep secret documents available under previous governors. Unlike his predecessors, Perry has fought to keep secret documents showing how he produces a budget, destroys state e-mails weekly, curtails information in his daily schedules and has sought scores of rulings from the attorney general to keep records from being released.

So, naturally, we here at the Beauty Salon got to wondering exactly what Rick Perry does when he’s operating off his secret schedule.

Leave it to Juanita to bribe the right people and get a copy of Rick Perry’s secret schedule.

RICK PERRY’S SECRET SCHEDULE

9:00 – wake up and brush hair.
9:30 – take shower.  Get out and do the Happy Dance in front of the mirror, going woo-woo at my floppy things
10:00 – check classified section for a more expensive rent house with a lot more mirrors
10:30 – call people and randomly ask, “Is it goofy to be a Texas A&M cheerleader?”  Keep score and then deny ever being a Texas A&M cheerleader.
11:00 – ask Karl Rove if I can be President next.  If he says no, charge him with arson and give him the death penalty.
11:30 – shoot something.  Call a press conference.  Tell them I shot two somethings.
12:00 – lunch.  Remind everyone that quiche and queer are not the same thing.  Not at all.  Not.  At all.
12:30 – Send a mailer reminding East Texas voters that “debate” is just a couple of letters away from “masterbate.”
1:00 – practice taking the oath of office without giggling manically every time Roberts says “execute.”
2:00 – do state business
2:05 – rest up and clear the smoke coming from my brain
2:30 – take some children off health care insurance then map out a plan to steal their Halloween candy.
3:00 – call Sarah Palin.  Ask her if she wants to be my Vice President.  If she laughs, charge her with arson.
3:30 – get receipt for the State of Texas from the State Insurance Commission
4:00 – explain to West Texas crowd that Mofo is just shorthand for My Omnipotent Father Overhead.
4:30 – think about doing state business.  Don’t do it.
5:00 – two words: funky time.