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I miss this one a couple of months ago, but we can’t let the new year pass without recognizing the worst headline ever —

(Click the headline to see the article.)

Yeah, our justice system in Texas might be a tad slow, but, dammit, it works just fine.

Thanks to Will for the heads-up!

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As you probably already know, Shepherd Smith on Fox News has been calling out the GOP for not supporting health care for 911 first responders.  Even Rachel Maddow gave him a high 5 for his courage to go against the tsunami of Republican butt-kissing at Fox.

The Super DeLux Brand Christian Ultra Rightwing ain’t so please with him.

Yep, he’s a commie.

GOP USA is a rightwinger website started by Bobby Eberly, who did a Boehner when he lost the election as the vice-chair of the Texas GOP – he cried like a ninny baby.  If you ever need a herd of crazy, you could get your breeding stock at GOP USA.

“I imagine to boys over at Fox come unbuckled every time ole Shep opens his mouth,” Juanita says.  “However, I would not be an expert on this subject because I don’t watch Fox News.  I already have enough dumb to last me a lifetime.”

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“Yep, it’s finally cold in Houston, but it has nothing to do with the weather,” Juanita explains.

“For 2 years now, Republican Harris County Commissioner Jerry Eversole has been telling everyone within earshot that he’s going to be indicted by the Feds.  Apparently, they gave him a heads-up.”

“But they waited until today – December 21st – to take his butt into custody with a sealed indictment.  Honey,” she says, “that’s cold even in my book.  They waited until right before Christmas.  They also indicted some friends of his who just happen to be — surprise, surprise, developers.  However, Eversole was not required to do the perp walk into the courthouse “out of respect for the office.”  Ain’t that some damn hooey?!”

“Eversole is your typical Republican – self centered and greedy.  He was once fined $75,000 by the Texas Ethics Commissioner for spending $162,000 of his campaign funds on himself.  I dunno, to me that sounds like a profitable trade-off.  Let me steal $162,000 and I’ll return $75,000 of it and walk free as a bird any day of the week.”

Juanita has often said that being elected a county commissioner in Texas is just like being given a license to steal.  Eversole stood out even among that group.  It was often said that he could steal the hubcaps off a moving car.  Apparently, he finally picked the wrong car.

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It’s here.

Al Qaeda terrorists planned to poison food at multiple US hotels and restaurants over a single weekend, it has been revealed this morning.

The ‘credible’ plot involved slipping the poisons cyanide and ricin into salad bars and buffets, according to CBS news.

The terrorist group behind the failed ‘ink cartridge’ attacks on cargo planes in October were said to have hatched the plan.

Keeping us away from buffets and hotel restaurants?  Hey guys, thanks for doing us the favor!

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From the Quorum Report —

Rep. Warren Chisum announced today that he has collected the ten signatures necessary to force a Republican caucus to select a Republican nominee for Speaker of the House. Attached is the letter signed by the ten members required by Republican caucus rules that will be submitted to Caucus Chairman Larry Taylor on December 29, 2010.

“We need a Republican caucus to meet and select one conservative candidate for Speaker of the House. The voters of Texas have elected a strong overwhelming majority of Republicans to the Texas House of Representatives. We need to respond to the will of the voters and work together to select a single Republican nominee for Speaker.

“There are three Republican candidates for Speaker now, and the Republican caucus is the appropriate place for us to narrow the field to one candidate.

“I’m betting a beer that the winner will be the one with the biggest Bible, the whitest skin, and the most amusing Obama is Hitler sign,” Juanita offers.

“Thank goodness they now allow handguns in the capitol.  The shoot-out over this might put Democrats back in the majority.”

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“Don’t you think it’s kinda weird that the very minute I mention the The Methodist Morality and Decency Society, the Tea Party goes after them?” Juanita asks with a twinkle in her eyes.

This was blogged by Tea Party Nation founder Judson Phillips:

When I was in Washington this past Friday, I walked by the United Methodist Building, next to the Russell Office Building.  The sign in front of the United Methodist Building said, “Pass the DREAM Act.”

I have a DREAM.  That is, no more United Methodist Church.

I grew up in the Methodist church.  I left as a teenager because the Methodist Church is little more than the first Church of Karl Marx.   After all, what can you say about a church that considers Hillary Clinton to be a member in good standing?

Today, the Methodist Church is little more than the “religious” arm of socialism.

“Oh Honey,” she grins, “the flames of hell are licking his butt right here, right now, right before Christmas.  I am almost totally certain that he thinks Santa Claus is a Marxist, too.  I mean, that red suit?  Giving gifts to everybody?  Gotta be a Commie.”

Juanita has decided that we need to be nicer to the Teabaggers.  After all, it’s become very apparent that they suffer from a mental health disorder.

“Personally,” she confides in a whisper, “I think he left the Methodist Church because they pass the plate.  Teabaggers ain’t giving money, no siree.  They are so tight that when they smile, their toes curl.  And that’s the truth.”