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As most of you know, Texans get on their knees every night and thank Mississippi for being last in education.  One more Rick Perry term and we’ll be able to take their place.

But, leave it to our brilliant state lege, there are answers to  the Texas public education crisis.  These boys have more bad ideas than Wile E. Coyote.

Steve Ogden: Live has been so unfair to him.

First, use state public funds to buy books for private schools.  It would require an amendment to that state consitution, but Republican Steve Ogden thinks it’s a matter of “fairness.”  Ogden argues that Texas provides textbooks for “thousands of foreign-national, illegal-immigrant students” in our public schools, so the hoity toity private school students should get them, too.

“Yeah, Ogden,” Juanita sighs, “explain to me again how put-upon you are being a rich white dude.  Come on, Honey, whine for me.  You know you like it.”

Our good friend Evelyn sent this.  I had to sell my car to buy gas yesterday.

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This time it’s Jeb Hensarling, Republican Congressvarmint from Dallas.

What, Me Worry Hensarling

Another USB banker got indicted for, you guessed it, helping rich people not pay their taxes.

U.S. prosecutors charged a former UBS AG banker with helping up to 150 wealthy Americans evade their income taxes, according to a criminal complaint unsealed Tuesday.

The banker, Christos Bagios, was arrested last month in New York. He currently works for Credit Suisse Group AG as a senior relationship manager for the East Coast of the U.S. However, the complaint concerns his actions while working at UBS.

And lookie who benefited $5,000 from UBS right before Christmas last year — Jeb Hensarling.

Being as how former Texas congresssnake Phil Gramm is vice-chairman of UBS, it’s kinda shocking that Jeb only got $5,000 for a Christmas present.

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“Being as how Texas wimmen are far too dumb to make personal decisions on their own,” Juanita says this morning, “the bill requiring women to view a sonogram prior to having an abortion comes before the Texas House today.  Get under your desk and cover your head with your arms because there will be voting happening at the Texas House.”

Juanita has a pretty good idea. “If this bill passes, I think they ought to require anyone considering having an alcoholic beverage to view the autopsy of someone killed by a drunk driver.  Alcohol kills far more people – the real, living kind.  So, anyone who wants a drink ought to have to view the autopsy and think it over for 24 hours. Especially if they’re a member of the Texas Lege,” she explains.

I’m serious as a snakebite,” she says.

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Juanita has some girlfriends GRITS (Girls Raised in the South) in Mississippi who are mortified that Haley Barbour, who is a GOB (Good Ole Boy) if there ever was one, is even being considered Presidential material by anyone who owns a shirt with sleeves and has an appliance-free front porch.

As most of you have heard, Haley is considering running for President.  Haley also thinks Nathan Bedford Forrest, another GOB who founded the Ku Klux Klan, ought to have a license plate honoring him.

“That’s akin to issuing a stamp to honor Bernie Madoff for excellence in stealing,” Juanita rolls her eyes.  “And before Dirt Janochek goes all Glenn Beck on me, I am not constantly apologizing for America.  I am, however, apologizing for some of the damn fool things we’ve let some people do in the name of greed.  Nathan Bedford Forrest wanted slaves because he became one of the richest men in the South by being a slave trader.”

It looks like some rightwingers are are already joining Haley’s campaign.  Take, for example, this radio dude.

Radio Dude

Well, say what you want about Nathan Bedford Forrest, but when he was doing his thing we didn’t have any abomination like affirmative action, quotas, or racial preferences of any kind. Our schools still functioned. Gang bangers weren’t shooting little kids. Grandma and Grandpa could walk down the street without worrying about getting shot for the $5 in their wallet. We didn’t have tens of thousands of white women getting raped every year by black men, and we sure didn’t have any Knoxville massacres.

“The rightwing,” Juanita preaches, “is founded on fear.  Fear makes it easy to control people.  Fear also has a nice profit margin.”

“Haley Barbour offers all the intellect of Rick Perry, the good looks of Newt Gingrich, and the soul of Sarah Palin.  Dang, I do hope that boy is the GOP nominee,” Juanita grins.

Thank you Paul, Dawn, Ralph and everyone else who was at Jumpin’ Junior’s Saloon and Bait Camp last night and heard this joke:

A CEO, a tea partier and a teacher are sitting at a table with a dozen cookies on it. The CEO snatches up 11 of the cookies and stuffs them in his pocket, turns to the tea partier and says, “Dude, that teacher is trying to steal your cookie.”

Thanks for starting my morning with a hoot!

And there’s another giggle here.