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Now I know there are people who think that Republican Congressman Pete Olson, who also happens to be my own personal congressman, is gay.

He is not.

He is not gay.   Not.  Gay.

There are people who think that a straight man wouldn’t constantly be putting 20 year old pictures of himself in a little sailor suit on everything he mails to his constituents.  Those people do not know Pete Olson, a man who is, incidentally,  not gay.

Did I mention that Pete Olson is many things, but none of them are gay?

Then there’s a whole ‘nother group of people who don’t think a straight man would love this picture of his opponent.   They believe that phallic is as phallic does.  Those people are not right.  Not right.  At all.

I’ve even heard of people who think that Pete’s adoration of Phil Gramm might indicate something other than just two not-gay guys who hang out together, at least one of whom has creepy bank dealings.  Not true.  Well, the creepy bank dealings part is true but not the, you know, gay part.

And how do we know that Pete Olson is not gay?

Easy.

Nobody obsesses on gay people more than Pete Olson.  But, and you need to write this down somewhere, he’s not gay.  Nope.

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Juanita has found an occupation that pays a whole lot better than hairdressing – being Tom DeLay’s and Jack Abramoff’s friend.

Michael Scanlon, who plead guilty to defrauding Native American tribes out of tens of millions of dollars, hired himself some writ twits to insure that even though he’s headed to prison for 20 months, he gets to keep at least $17 million of his ill-gotten gains.

“Hell, I can do 20 months for $17 million,” Juanita announces!  “Crime does pay, huh?  And pretty damn good, in my opinion.”

Thanks to customer Deb for the heads-up on this one.  I wouldn’t have believed it unless I saw it.

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Okay, so Texas is going to have a Choose Life license plate because, apparently, people who talk on their cellphones, text message, speed, and cut you off on the freeway want you to know that they only brake for fetuses.  I promise to follow them home and take pictures of them.

I will not, however, stop at Dillards to shop and spend my hard earned money because Dillards is sponsoring a anti-choice rally in Houston this month.  It looks like you can contact Dillards here or call the Memorial City store at 713-464-1851.

UPDATE:  I forgot to put the link showing that Dillard’s is doing this.  Click right here, Baby.  And, dammit, this morning it said that Dillards was “sponsoring it”.  However, check right here to see how the original looked,

The style show is sponsored by Dillards, Memorial City and will feature today’s most fashionable spring looks.

That’s what it said this morning.  Sponsoring.  However, if they are any part of this, I’ve got better places to spend my money.

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Come to find out, there is another group in Texas who has been horribly discriminated against that you didn’t even know about: creationists.

Bill Zelder. Is That A Halo?

Luckily, Republican State Representative Bill Zedler has introduced HB2454, which would outlaw workplace discrimination against ignorant white people, who were brought to this country in chains on a boat, no, wait.  Who have suffered because of their gender, no, that’s not it.  Okay, okay, I’ve got it:  have suffered because they were born without that part of the brain that allows you to think. That’s it!

HB2454 says —

An institution of higher education may not discriminate against or penalize in any manner, especially with regard to employment or academic support, a faculty member or student based on the faculty member’s or student’s conduct of research relating to the theory of intelligent design or other alternate theories of the origination and development of organisms.

Research?  There’s research involved?

I think we need a bill that allows non-discrimination at the university level for people who believe that gravity is just a theory – it’s really the Flying Spaghetti Monster’s hand on your head holding you down.

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Have mercy!

Now fancy this: Angel-faced Kristin Chenoweth is the last of ABC’s Good Christian Bitches, thus completing casting of all the pilot’s series regular roles.

Based on the book of the same name and exec-produced by Darren Starr (Sex and the City), GCB centers on Amanda (Popular‘s Leslie Bibb), a recently divorced mom of two who moves back to the affluent Texas neighborhood where she grew up to find herself immersed in the world of of gossip, Botox and duplicity.

Blessed St. Betty Lou, the Patron Saint of Conspicuous Prosperity, it’s Sugar Land and the Belles!

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And the hits just keep on comin’ —

Ganley: Great Republican Hair!

Ohio car magnate and one-time Republican congressional candidate Tom Ganley has been indicted on charges that include gross sexual imposition and kidnapping. The Cleveland Plain Dealer reports that Ganley faces three felony charges of gross sexual imposition, and single counts of kidnapping, abduction, solicitation, and menacing by stalking.

He left out mooning the Baptist Ladies Missionary Society.