It was announced recently that Juanita lives in the most diverse county in Texas.

The Bronx. Queens. Fort Bend? Texas now has some of the nation’s most diverse counties, according to an index created by USA Today to analyze U.S. Census data.

And her home county, Fort Bend, is the 4th most diverse in the United States.  It wasn’t always that way, which is why of the 27 Republican elected officials in this county, 22 of them are fluffy white boys, and 5 of them are white females.

There are no Democrats or minorities elected countywide.  None.  Minorities and women have tried to run in the GOP primary but none of them have made it out of the primary since the early 90’s.

“Yes, we’re diverse in our elected officials.  We have a tall white guy, a short white guy, a fat white guy, a bald white guy, and a least a dozen white guys who are worthless as a four card flush,” Juanita announces.

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As you’ve heard before, two of Juanita’s best customers moved from Texas to Vermont.  Juanita sends Al and Carol reports of great weather all winter long.  In return, they send her pictures of Bernie Sanders, a Great American. That’s not a fair fight.

Bernie Sanders has just released a list that was sent to me by Carl (who lives in Michigan and thinks the beauty salon should be international) of corporations that pay diddle squat in taxes.

BURLINGTON, Vt., March 27 – While hard working Americans fill out their income tax returns this tax season, General Electric and other giant profitable corporations are avoiding U.S. taxes altogether.

With Congress returning to Capitol Hill on Monday to debate steep spending cuts, Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.) said the wealthiest Americans and most profitable corporations must do their share to help bring down our record-breaking deficit.

Sanders renewed his call for shared sacrifice after it was reported that General Electric and other major corporations paid no U.S. taxes after posting huge profits.

Thelma is irate.  “Here I am so poor that I have a pinecone for a pet, and Citigroup made $4 billion in profit but paid no taxes.  That makes me want to have a fit and fall in it.”

We agree.

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Newt Gingrich, living proof that even real ugly guys can get lucky sometime, has found Jesus.

Moneychanger John Hagee

Newt went to the Pentecostal church of moneychanger John Hagee – a man who looks remarkably like Newt.  And, like Newt, Hagee left his first wife for a newer, younger model.  Hagee’s the guy who thinks that Katrina was caused by homosexuality and he talks some heavy-duty trash about Catholics.

Newt told the sheep at Hagee’s Cornerstone Church —

“I have two grandchildren — Maggie is 11, Robert is 9,” Gingrich said at Cornerstone Church here. “I am convinced that if we do not decisively win the struggle over the nature of America, by the time they’re my age they will be in a secular atheist country, potentially one dominated by radical Islamists and with no understanding of what it once meant to be an American.”

“Yeah” Juanita said, “but I’m afraid that if Newt wins, our grandchildren will all be sluts.  And really hateful sluts without jobs, too.”

I guess it’s just a trade-off you have to make.  Secular or slut.  That’s Newt’s worldview.

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Juanita had the livin’ daylights scared outta her when some of you guys started sending her email about the Alaskan who has been nominated for a high level position in government who wants to criminalize hoochy-koochy.

Gov. Sean Parnell’s appointee for the panel that nominates state judges testified Wednesday that he would like to see Alaskans prosecuted for having sex outside of marriage.

“Y’all need to warn me when you send me stuff like that,” she says.  “The first email I got cut off the sentence in the subject line, and I thought they were going to criminalize sex outside.”

“Not in Texas, you won’t.  I can promise you that.  Maybe in Alaska where it’s colder than a witch’s ta-ta in a brass bra in the shade of an iron commode.  But, not here.”

“Besides, if  you criminalize sparkin’ outside of marriage, there won’t be any Republicans to run for Congress.”

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I know you’re all wondering what I brought you back from the South Texas Summit in Laredo, Texas this weekend.

Please meet Donkey Oatie.  (Think about it.)  He will sit in front of the World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc. until November 2012 to bring us good luck.

We are pondering on letting Democrats who work in the 2012 election sign him and then auction him off.

So far, he has good manners and doesn’t eat much.

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Most of y’all know that Juanita believes Texas Congressvarmint Louie Gohmert to be so crazy that if you put his brain in a mosquito, it would fly backward and moo loudly.

Now Louie wants to punish children fr what their parents do.

Under a new Republican bill, families would lose their food stamps if even one of the parents is engaged in a strike against their employer.  In other words, if you want to feed your children, you have to work in unsafe conditions with no benefits and you can do diddle squat about it.

“Now, I know that Goofy Gohmert did not say,  ‘children worth feeding would not have chosen to be born to parents who actually do physical labor for a living.’  Nope, he didn’t say that.  He didn’t have to.  His bill said it for him,” Juanita remarks.

Thanks to Gramiam for the heads up.