Do y’all remember those black helicopters that Janet Reno had to take us all to re-education camps so Bill Clinton could be President forever?  Remember?

Well, Texas own very special Congressvarmint Louie Gohmert, whose slogan is “Keeping Paranoia Alive!”, has an even better one.

The President of the United States of America Barack Obama has a secret army who is coming to your house …. and get ready for this … they are highly likely to force good health on you, dammit.  Yeah.  That’s it.  A secret Army.

Poor Louie.  He’s been sloshing in the Wacko Juice again.

On the upside, he is, after all, the sanest man in East Texas.

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Okay, Cowgirls and their lovin’ Beaus, if the line out the door is causing the site to run a little slow this morning, it’s because Crooks and Liars and a couple of other blogs picked up the Craig Brady story, and half the United States of America is trying to get into the beauty salon this morning.  And I don’t want to be cranky about this, but I seriously doubt any of them has a standing appointment.

I suspect they thought that I just made up a picture of a grown man posing like that as an April Fool’s joke.  But, I didn’t.  I could not make that up.  Seriously.  I’m pretty darned prissy, but not even in my dreams ….

So, try to be polite to the visitors.  I need to tell you that Thelma figures this is her best chance to ever meet George Clooney, so she’s walking up and down the line with her autograph book.  Just ignore her.  I mean, as much as you can ignore a 280 pound woman in leopard tights and a hot pink tube top.  And, by the way, her attitude weighs more than her hiney so do not hack her off.  Consider yourself warned.

Click the little one to get the big one.

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Juanita has often said that the most easily corruptible job in government is a county commissioner.  They alone decide how every dime of taxpayer money is spent.  Even other elected officials have to beg them for money to run their offices.  It’s the perfect job for a con man.

Like Harris County Commissioner Jerry Eversole.

“Please, please, please,” Juanita pleads this morning, “do not let this man get off.   He took $100,000 in cash, gifts, and travel from a real estate developer who wanted things done with taxpayer money.  Eversole claims it was merely gifts from a friend.”

“If Jerry Eversole gets off, Fort Bend County Commissioner Andy Meyers will never open his own wallet again for the rest of his life.”

Ten to two hung jury.  Amazing.

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The Chief Deputy at the Fort Bend County Sheriff’s Office, Craig Brady, announced he was running for sheriff the day after the old sheriff was reelected to office.  And by “old sheriff,” I mean so old that we have to carbon date him once a year to figure out how many candles to put on his birthday cake.

Everybody figured that Brady would spend the next year sneaking up behind the old sheriff and hollering “Snake!” at the top of his lungs every chance he got.  The old sheriff is short just one jelly donut or terrific scare of scripture readings and a planting.

The old sheriff played it pretty smart and decided to draw a county paycheck even though he’s mapped out a plan to spend sunny days at the golf course and rainy days forcing folks at the nursing home to listen to him play the accordion.  Badly.  I know that ‘accordion music’ is an oxymoron, and the sheriff does it so badly that the only listeners smiling are those who purposefully left their hearing aids in their rooms.

Anyway, and getting back to my story, the Chief Deputy Craig Brady has been left to run the sheriff’s office.  But, he’s spending all his time running for office.   We have no idea who’s running the sheriff’s office, but whoever it is ain’t an adult, which is a whole ‘nother story.

I’ve written about Craig Brady’s campaign tactics before, noting that he ain’t real pretty so how come all the pictures?

Oh Honey, I had no idea how goofy it was going to get.  I thought ‘d seen everything, but obviously I did not know about these boots.  This is Brady’s political ad in the local paper.

Oh my, you gotta be a damn prissy man to show off boots like those!

I think I forgot to tell you the part that Brady is so short that you can see his feet on his driver’s license photo.  So, I imagine he’s plenty proud of those boots.  Without them, his feet wouldn’t reach the ground.

I am going to get back to my story now.

Occasionally, police agencies get to keep drug money confiscated from crooks.  They are supposed to use that money to buy law enforcement stuff they couldn’t otherwise afford, like ammo or bullet proof vests, or crime scene equipment.  The money does not belong to the agencies who confiscated it.  It belongs to the taxpayers, you know, the people who paid for the entire process and have suffered as victims of the crime.

So, that’s why folks around here have been wondering how the Chief Deputy ended up the star of a $25,000 expenditure from those funds.

Lookie here.  Click the little one to get the big one.

Well, boy howdy, he sure is shoving the old sheriff up into the corner where he’s not important.  And there’s Craig Brady wearing his campaign clothes.  Got that knee all hiked up like a dancehall girl.  Got that boot propped up there just like …. whoa, wait a danged minute here.  That’s his campaign picture!

That’s the same danged picture he’s using to campaign.  And it’s also the same picture on his billboard, only cropped.

Now, I might not have such a big problem if he’d have used his official Chief Deputy photo instead of his campaign photo.  Here’s his picture from the county website.

Here’s the question:  If this program is worthwhile, why should the Chief Deputy plaster his campaign photo all over it to get it bought and sent around to folks?

I’m pretty sure this is legal, but it ain’t right.

Plus, the old sheriff is so old that he shouldn’t even buy green bananas.  Hell, he owes Adam a dollar and half.  But, for decency’s sake, don’t bury the man before he’s dead.  Let him put his picture on it.  It’s just good manners.

Here’s what Mean Ole Bev had to say this week in her newspaper.

Now, later on when I catch my breath, I’m gonna have more to say about the sheriff’s department wanting  HOA’s to pay for patrols in their subdivisions.

And yes, of course, he’s a Republican.