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Republican State Rep Brent Crane in Idaho has decided that women should not have the choice of abortion after rape or incest.

The bill’s House sponsor state Rep. Brent Crane, R-Nampa, who claims to be fighting for your family, freedoms, and finances, told legislators that the “hand of the Almighty” was at work. “His ways are higher than our ways.” Echoing Angle, the equally crazed Crane said. “He has the ability to take difficult, tragic, horrific circumstances and then turn them into wonderful examples.

Brent Crane: Filling the large empty vacuum in pro-rape leadership

“I suspect that Ole Brent wouldn’t get treatment for cancer because that, too, could be a wonderful example,” Juanita says.  “Would wearing glasses be sinful?  Maybe God enjoys watching you bump into walls, Brent.  Ever think about that?  huh?  Brent?”

“Oddly,” she grins, “Brent Crane doesn’t feel the same way about other crimes.  They apparently are not God’s will, because Brent Crane is vice president of Crane’s Alarm Service, which, obviously, is trying to put asunder God’s will for burglary.”

He can kiss my big blue butt.

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Thelma gave Juanita a lecture last week that she shouldn’t call East Texas Republican Congressvarmint Leo Berman a crazy man.

Leo Berman: Not Crazy. Probably Drunk.

“That is truly unfair and unkind to crazy people,” Thelma argued.  “In Texas, we prize our crazy people.  Hell, Honey, do not forget that we’re the state that put Ross Perot in charge of education.”

Juanita agrees, and has decided to quit calling Leo Berman crazy.  From now on she’ll gonna call him drunk.  And she does not want to hear a word of complaint from drunk people.  Drunk is a choice; crazy ain’t.

“Ole drunk Leo Berman has a new cause,” Juanita explains.

Texas lawmakers are considering whether to ban state courts from considering foreign religious or cultural laws, such as the Islamic law of Shariah.

The goal “is to require a Texas court to uphold and apply only the laws ordained by the constitutions of (Texas and the United States), prohibiting any other interpretation,” said Rep. Leo Berman, R-Tyler, a former Arlington mayor pro tem. “This is now happening all over Europe … and in Dearborn, Mich. … and it could spread throughout the United States.

“We all know what Shariah law does to women – women must wear burqas, women are subject to humiliation and into controlled marriages under Shariah law,” he said. “We want to prevent it from ever happening in Texas.”

“Okay, let’s start at the beginning,” Juanita begins.  “Leo has never been concerned about women’s rights before right now.  In fact, he opposes reproductive freedom and thinks equal pay for equal work is socialism.  However, you start talking doing away with short shorts and halter tops, and Leo goes batcrap, sorry Thelma, crazy.”

“Second off, judges are sworn to uphold the Constitution of the United States of America.  But you don’t see Leo gettin’ his britches on fire over Canadian law.”

“Third off, Buck Pochek says that Shariah Law is a hoochy-koochy dancer over at Crazy Manny’s Pole Emporium, and that outlawing her would go against the fine arts because she is a fine specimen of art.”

“Buck and Leo do not need concern themselves with heavy thinking,” Juanita says.  “As far as Shariah Law goes, I’ve seen pictures of that woman and she should be in the Olympic for being able to sit up.”

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I was sitting in the audience at the Texas State Democratic Executive Committee Meeting this weekend and during the boring parts I was checking my email.  Along comes an email from Carl, my buddy who lives so far north that I am convinced he comes to my house on Christmas Eve.

He sent a link that I opened on my trusty iPad, and it gave me an opportunity to show everyone sitting around me that dammit we’ve been doing it wrong.

THAT’s how you win elections.

And since we’re on the subject of my weekend, I just want to say that Marriott Hotel is obviously Republican.  I found a bottle of water in my $129 a night room.  Click the little one to get the big one.

Three dollars and fifty cents for Dallas tap water.

I looked around to see if I could find a $6.50 zip lock baggie of Fort Worth air.

Plus, they didn’t have wifi in the rooms.  They did have ethernet, which I tried plugging into my ear but it still didn’t make my iPad work, which explains why I was checking my email in the conference which is why I am not staying at the Marriott again.  And did I mention that we waited 30 minutes for lunch?

But here was the good part of lunch.  Lloyd Criss is a genuine Texas hero, author, fighter, former state rep, labor organizer and helluva Democrat.  He is one of my very favorite people because he gives as good as he takes.  His only daughter, Judge Susan Criss, is my friend.  Lloyd was at the SDEC meeting to cause trouble, if needed.  Judge Susan keeps a copy of The Riot Act in her purse because she has to read it to him several times a day just to keep him in line.  Thankfully, he wasn’t need for trouble, but when there’s a fight I want Lloyd and the angles on my side.  Lloyd first.

Yes, those are little puppies on his cane, but he’ll still beat you with it.  I know that for a fact.

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Well, wet on the fire and call the dogs, it’s been decided.

WASHINGTON (AFP) – Everyone knows that liberals and conservatives butt heads when it comes to world views, but scientists have now shown that their brains are actually built differently.

Liberals have more gray matter in a part of the brain associated with understanding complexity, while the conservative brain is bigger in the section related to processing fear, said the study on Thursday in Current Biology.

“We found that greater liberalism was associated with increased gray matter volume in the anterior cingulate cortex, whereas greater conservatism was associated with increased volume of the right amygdala,” the study said.

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Juanita wonders if it bothers anybody else that Harry Reid, John Boehner, Barack Obama, and Joe Biden are sitting in a room negotiating over women’s reproductive health?  “Where the hell are the ta-tas in that room?  I want at least one set of tatas in that room,” she demands.

Send me in, Coach!

“Look, if my country calls me, I’ll go in there and represent women.  I’ll make a deal – we’ll give up Planned Parenthood in exchange for getting out of three wars and, oh yeah, single payer health care.  I can take on that orange faced sumbitch,  (Sorry, Momma, you think of a better name for him.) and give him something to cry over other than his own success.”

“And, dammit, the same thing is happenin’ at the State Capitol building.  Men, all men, are making backroom deals over sonograms and waiting periods.  Send Senfronia Thompson in there with a stick and we can end this silliness real quick.”

We had to give Juanita a double shot of Starbucks to calm her down this morning.  Can’t say I blame her though.

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This.  This is what would happen.

Waukesha County Computer

My friend Carol in Vermont sent me this early this morning.  It explains that the twists needed to do what Waukesha County Clerk Kathy Nickolaus claims she did would qualify her for the Olympics.

“Hell, Child,” Juanita said this morning, “I still believe that Al Gore was elected President in 2000, so cows will give beer before I believe this crap.”

Like my hero Lily Tomlin says, “No matter how cynical I get, I can’t keep up.”