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Freshman East Texas (Yeah, yeah, put the back of your hand to your forward and sigh heavily) State Representative David Simpson pulled a little parliamentary trick yesterday in the Texas House that derailed, among other things, Senfronia Thompson’s puppy mill bill.

Let me tell you something about Senfronia Thompson.  She has been my friend for 30 years and she is one of the funniest women I know.  She is also one of the most respected people in the Texas House by Democrats and Republicans alike.  She’s one tough cookie, but she gets things done in the nicest possible manner.  She will tell you to go to hell, but she will help you pack for the trip.

She is the longest serving member of the Texas House, and this session she introduced a bill to regulate puppy mills.  The fact that we don’t already regulate them says something sad about Texas.

So along comes this feisty little freshman rep and he knocks Senfronia’s puppy mill bill, along with two other bills, off the fast-track House calendar.  Like the man he shot in Reno, just to watch them die.

It appears that even his own party is unhappy about his actions, saying he broke the rules of decorum.  Thirteen of them removed their names from his bill  to criminalize over-eager patdowns at airport security.  They apparently would rather have their junk touched than be seen within fifty miles of Mr. Simpson.

Even the mayor of the largest town in Simpson’s district is dismayed.

News of Simpson’s bill-bumping even made it back to his district. Longview Mayor Jay Dean said constituents, particularly those in favor of the puppy mill bill, aren’t happy either, and want Simpson to better choose “what battles to fight.”

And Senfronia?  Well, I think she’s helping him pack for the trip.

Then, in a way that only East Texas elected officials can do, he made it worse.

Comparing his struggle today to Sam Houston’s struggle against secessionists, Simpson said he may lose everything, but that “providence will dictate whether I did the right thing today.”

Dude, Sam Houston didn’t want Texas to withdraw from the union.  You wanted puppy mills unregulated.  Not exactly the same.

Providence, my patootie.

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Juanita says she’d give up the neon concession in Las Vegas if Terry Jones would give up his permit-to-carry.

It appears that the Darth Jesus fan almost shot himself in the foot for real last night.

Controversial Pastor Terry Jones accidentally fired his .40-caliber handgun while he was at a Southfield television studio Thursday night, according to police.

The outspoken pastor, 59, of Gainesville, Fla., was getting in the passenger side of his car at 11:10 p.m. after an interview when the Taurus handgun went off, sending a bullet into the floorboard, Southfield Police Lt. Nick Loussia said today.

“Officers heard a gunshot, approached the vehicle, asked Mr. Jones if he was OK,” Loussia said. Jones and the driver were in the parking lot of Fox2 studios on West 9 Mile. “He was, and they also observed he had a gun in his hand.”

“Y’all, honestly, I don’t think this guy should be allowed to carry a Bic lighter or a pointy pair of scissors, much less a handgun,” she says.  “Whatever happened to that whole though I walk through the shadow of the valley of death, I will fear no evil thing?”

“His guitar ain’t tuned right, Y’all, so what the hell is the test for sanity in Florida?  You gotta be less crazy than an alligator after lent or know better than to play basketball in a mindfield?”

“Y’all, listen up – Terry Jones has a gun and doesn’t know how to use it.  They gotta be singing The Battle Hymn of the Republic at the NRA today,” she concludes.

I agree with her:  Terry Jones has a gun – that pretty much ruins Easter.

Thanks to Deb for the heads up.

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Juanita says there’s not many things in the world that she trusts, and you can add the motion picture industry to that list.

Especially when it’s run by Republicans in the Texas House.  “Honey, you give those boys a moving picture camera, a polling place, a badge of some sort, and they’ll make a bigger mess than kindergartners with finger paints inside of 30 minutes,” she says.

Ponder on this —

On Monday, the House Elections Committee heard testimony on House Bill 1926 by state Rep. Bill Zedler (R-Arlington). The bill would allow poll watchers — who represent parties, groups or candidates — to videotape in polling places if they believe something illegal is occurring (and without compromising individual ballot secrecy). The bill also makes it a Class B Misdemeanor for someone to reveal poll watchers’ identities without their permission, punishable by a max $2,000 fine and/or six months in jail or less.

Representatives of counties and county officials said the proposed rights to record video and remain anonymous would be the creation of unique privileges for poll watchers, and cautioned against unintended consequences, such as voter intimidation and inability for poll workers to maintain order in polling places.

“Think for a minute about the ornery little cusses the Republican Party already has out causing mayhem with video editing equipment.  Think about Andrew Breitbart and James O’Keefe at your polling location following your hiney all around and taking movies of your voter certificate, how long you stood at the booth to vote, and what not.”

“Naahhhhh … nothing could possibly go wrong there,” she adds.

“Next thing you know we’ll have videotaping people videotaping the video takers.  The only winner I see here is Sony,” she smiles.

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In August of 2009 –

FERNLEY, Nev. – Sen. John Ensign told The Associated Press on Wednesday that his affair with a friend’s wife was different from former President Bill Clinton’s relationship with a White House intern because he didn’t lie about it under oath.

“I haven’t done anything legally wrong,” the Nevada Republican said.

“President Clinton stood right before the American people and he lied to the American people,” Ensign said. “You remember that famous day he lied to the American people, plus the fact I thought he committed perjury. That’s why I voted for the articles of impeachment.”

Please, Dear Lord, make hypocrisy painful.

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From Kary —

As wildfires continue to sweep across hundreds of thousands of acres, Texas Gov. Rick Perry has issued an official state proclamation urging residents to pray to God to send some rain.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, RICK PERRY, Governor of Texas, under the authority vested in me by the Constitution and Statutes of the State of Texas, do hereby proclaim the three-day period from Friday, April 22, 2011, to Sunday, April 24, 2011, as Days of Prayer for Rain in the State of Texas. I urge Texans of all faiths and traditions to offer prayers on that day for the healing of our land, the rebuilding of our communities and the restoration of our normal and robust way of life.

Perry’s proclamation does not ask God what Texas did to piss Him off in the first place.

The problem is not finding the starting place on that list.  The problem, my friends, is finding the ending place.