.

Karma is a witch.

And that’s the truth.

House Republicans admit they won in 2010 because they scared the ever-livin’ crapola out of people over social security and Medicare.  They hung Democrats out to dry over $500 billion in cuts to Medicare, which went mainly to private insurers for over-payments.

And now they want to turn the tables and take a mulligan.

Nearly a dozen House Republican freshmen held a press conference outside the Capitol Tuesday morning to “wipe the slate clean,” and “hit the reset button.”

The Republicans held a press conference to tout a letter they sent to President Obama.

“We ask that you stand above partisanship, condemn the disingenuous attacks and work with this Congress to reform spending on entitlement programs,” the letter reads.

To preempt the press conference, the DCCC responded to the letter with a long list of NRCC and candidate attack ads and statements from the 2010 election — all of them targeting Democrats for cutting Medicare, all on behalf of GOP candidates who are now hoping for a truce on Medicare attacks.

So now that they want to truly and harmfully cut Medicare, they want to be born again virgins over attack ads.

They want us to forgive and forget?

Oh no.  Not this hacked-off chick with absolutely no long term memory problems.

One other thing:  in that 4 page letter they sent the President, they ask him to condemn any “disingenuous attacks” on them.  Oh, I get it!  You mean like if someone says they’re Muslims or weren’t born in this country or they’re a socialist …..

Yeah, I get it.

.

I’ve warned you before but I suspect that most of you have forgotten.

Well, don’t forget.  May 21st is Judgment Day.  Oh hush, now.  It most certainly is.

These signs, in English and Spanish because apparently Jesus does in fact love ALL the little children of the world, are all over my little town.  These people have spent a fortune on advertising.

So, just in case you’re looking for me on May 20th, I’ll be in the ice cream aisle at Kroger with a spoon in one hand and a smoke in the other.  If anybody’s got a better plan, let me know.

UPDATED:  you might want to make reservations for your pet. It’s a hoot that you have to pay upfront.  Why didn’t we think of this?

.

As you’ve heard Newt Gingrich, a man never elected to anything outside of his small congressional district in Georgia, is going to announce he’s running for President.  Of America.  On Wednesday.  That’s tomorrow.

No shoot, huh?

He’s already being taunted ….

Gingrich Run Reflects His Sense of History

By MATT BAI

Whatever can Newt Gingrich be thinking?

And that’s the New York Times.  Imagine what Jon Stewart is going to do!

My buddy Harold has already started.

As the Times points out, Newt is 68 years old and all anybody remembers about him is that he got Bill Clinton impeached.  That’s not gonna make him the darlin’ of young people, of Hispanics, or Black people, or old people, or, hell, if you want to know the truth, even the Tea Party doesn’t like him.

I have a friend named Suzy Allison who is a hoot.  She sent me an email this morning saying, “The next edition of the unabridged dictionary will have Newt’s picture illustrating the word grandiose.  You can look it up.”

At the very least I think we’re gonna have to raise the high bar on “Delusions of Grandeur” a peg or two.

Newt: what a gift his guy is gonna be!

.

The Republican men and women of the Texas Lege believe that elected officials officials in Texas are in more danger than you and me.

AUSTIN (AP) – Texas senators have voted to allow legislators and statewide elected officials who are concealed handgun license holders to carry their weapons into places the rest of the public is not.

The bill by Sen. Dan Patrick, a Houston Republican, would let lawmakers carry their concealed handguns into bars, churches, sporting events and businesses.

“I have seen some of the crap that elected officials have done and they might be right,” Juanita says.  “But I’m pondering on why they get to carry guns in church, honky tonks, and Palais Royale where I might be shoppin’.”

“I do not know about you, but I wouldn’t trust Leo Berman with a handun when he’s cold stone sober, and I sure the hell don’t trust him with one when he’s drunk or all raptured-up speaking in tongues over the East Texas Piney Woods Baptist Church of Jeeeesus Christ and the Holy Ghost,” she grimaces.  “He’s liable to shoot the Jesus statue on the cross for lookin’ crosswise at him.  For Pete’s sake, Leo sees things that aren’t there and you’re gonna give him a gun?”

“Honey, I think that as a whole, elected officials in Texas are an organized criminal enterprise all their own and I don’t think arming them is a good idea,” she suspects.

“I just wanna add one thing,” she says, “more abortions doctors have been killed than Texas elected officials.  And that ain’t comin’ from our side of the aisle, buddy.”

“So Ole Dan Patrick better try to grow a bigger winkie instead of feeling the need to tote a handgun everydamnwhere he goes,”  she suggests.

“You know he’s just one chubby white boy comment from going postal anyway.  I’ve see that man legislate powerfully sloppy.  I sure the hell don’t want to see him shoot.”

.

It’s a keeper!  (Safe for work and Momma.)

.

Y’all, it’s only two days until Juanita is the happiest woman on earth.

Wednesday is the day that Newt Gingrich is going to announce that he’s running for President.

“And, what’s even better about The New Newt is that he’s found Jesus,” Juanita informs us.  “But, I think it’s more like Jaheeezzzzus.”

“This might have been a trick he learned from Tom DeLay.  Tom got born again so many times that a search for all his birth certificates would have taken decades.  If he really had been born again all those times, he’d be like, I dunno, 8 years old.”

“Being born again is like a Magic Erase,” she explains.  “You are flat not responsible for anything you did before they dunked you in the river and shouted hallelujah.  Hell, even AA makes you go back and apologize.  That’s why this born again thing is so very cool.  It’s a get-out-of-mayhem free card.”

“So, after Wednesday, we’re gonna have us a newly religious Newt Gingrich pontificating on how everybody else ought to behave.  Also, I would not be shocked to find that he wants to end bread lines and poverty the same way Stalin did.”

“Watching Newt try to mix oil and water by using fire is gonna be more fun than a tent revival led by the town drunk.”

She putting on her dancin’ shoes for Wednesday’s celebration!