Y’all, it’s Louie Gohmert and his conspiracy theories again.

Louie Caught Us

Now he’s claiming that the American  Jobs Act is a giant conspiracy.  It’s a secret gift to …. you guessed it  …. the gays!  If you’re sitting at home reading this, please shriek and wave your arms around wildly when you read “the gay.”  If you’re in a public place, a slight gasp followed by an imitation of Anderson Cooper’s giggle will do.

Texas Republican Rep. Louie Gohmert took to the floor of the House on Tuesday with a conspiracy theory — that President Obama’s jobs bill is actually part of his plan to destroy marriage.

“This president, by virtue of the power to tax, the power to destroy, takes a shot at traditional conventional marriage,” Gohmert claims.

Gohmert alleges that tax credits under the president’s plan would favor couples who live together but aren’t married.

Yep, that’s the ticket.  Nobody in America lives together without being married, except the gays.  Louie caught us. Damn, foiled again.

And then insanity just bubbled over the top and he began to rant about the Founding Fathers being so strongly tradition marriage.

He then goes off on a tangent in which he claims the founding fathers had expressed an opinion on same-sex marriage.

“Of course, the founders they all understood marriage to be between a man and a woman, that’s just the way the history of the country has been,” he said.

What Louie really means is that white men with property should be the only ones allowed to vote.

Poor old Louie, he’s got it floored in neutral.

Thanks to Brian E. for the heads-up!

Sen. Scott Brown (R-MA) was interviewed on a local talk radio show Thursday morning. And he had an interesting response to a recent line from Democratic frontrunner Elizabeth Warren.

At a Democratic primary debate this week, Warren was asked how she paid for college — in contrast to Brown having posed nude for Cosmopolitan. “I kept my clothes on,” Warren replied. “I borrowed money.”

This morning, one of the hosts asked Brown: “Have you officially responded to Elizabeth Warren’s comment about how she didn’t take her clothes off?”

Brown began laughing lightheartedly, and gave his reply. “Thank God,” he said, with more laughter.

“That’s what I said!” the host responded. “Hey look, can you blame a good-looking guy for, for — you know.”

Click here so all the clothes Elizabeth Warren has to take off is her belt to whip Scott Brown’s asinine hiney in November of 2012.

So Rick Perry has a truckload of rich white boys’  money and everybody is yabbering about it.

It don’t mean diddle squat, Honey.

As the good folks over at the Houston Press Hairballs column will testify, Rick ain’t the first Texan to squander political money.  Democrats still like to get together and giggle about the time John Connally spent $12 million and got one delegate, a 68 year old woman from Arkansas, who was clearly lying about her age. It wasn’t long afterward that Connally went belly-up and had to sell his wife’s china and fur coats.

Couldn't get a date with a hooker

And then there’s that goofy looking son of a motherless goat Phil Gramm, who could not buy a date at the chicken ranch with a chicken under each arm and a $20 bill taped to his forehead.

And then old Lloyd Bentsen amassed a fortune that got him the dubious honor of being Michael Dukakis’ vice-presidential running mate.  Of course, it did buy him a chance to spank Dan Quayle publicly, which is something, but not enough for what he paid.

That’s the problem with Texas men.  Most of them can raise a  chunk-a-change but have not a clue how to spend it.

Perry should spend his on books and someone to read them to him, but he won’t.  He’ll buy goofy looking boots and more guns to shoot them with.

Well, come to find out, Rick Perry is not all that fond of Warren Buffet’s idea that billionaires shouldn’t pay a lower tax rate that his secretary.

Rick, who made a D in economics at Texas A&M University, was a tad stressed over explaining why it is a bad idea, so he up and decided that attacking Warren Buffett was the tact to take.

“Buffett is a really intelligent individual,” Perry said, “but I can promise you, he doesn’t know what’s going on in places where the job creation is at a zero because of overtaxation and overregulation.”

Needs to learn about bidness

Rick Perry knows bidness, Buddy.  I mean, not personally.  He’s never had a job except sucking off the government teat, but – boy howdy! – he knows bidness.  He can see it from his $10,000 a month taxpayer financed rent house.

And Warren Buffett does not know diddle squat about real bidness.

During the decade that Perry has enjoyed a lifestyle made possible by Texas voters and taxpayers, the Berkshire Hathaway CEO has pumped a considerable portion of his company’s resources into Fort Worth.

In 2000, Berkshire purchased one of Cowtown’s iconic companies, Justin Industries, maker of boots (Justin) and bricks (Acme).

In 2007, Buffett’s Berkshire Hathaway purchased TTI, a Fort Worth-based electronic components distribution company that employs more than 1,500 people at more than 50 locations.

A Mansfield-based subsidiary of TTI, Mouser Electronics, employed 593 at the time of the deal. Today, it has 980 — or more. A Sept. 7 Star-Telegram story said Mouser had another 60 openings companywide, including 47 in Mansfield.

In early 2010, Buffett acquired Fort Worth-based BNSF Railway.

That would be the BNSF that announced in February it would spend $3.5 billion this year to upgrade railroad tracks and buy equipment as the company reinvests to keep pace with a growing volume of freight shipments.

And there’s more.

Talk about biting the hand that feeds you.

Rick, step away from the microphone and nobody’s job gets hurt.

What is a male bimbo called?  I mean, there’s gotta be a term for that.

Thanks to RW for the heads-up.

You know, sometimes people do stuff so damn evil that I would hate to be the preacher who is going to have to say something nice at his funeral.

Meet Larry Duran.  Larry not only submitted more than $205 million in phony claims to Medicare, he spent $750,000 to lobby lawmakers to make it easier for for businesses like his to defraud Medicare.  He also held fundraiser for two “Democratic” lawmakers – Sen. Mary Landrieu (D-La.) and former congressman Kendrick B. Meek (D-Fla.), both DINOs.

Records show the group has been represented by some of Washington’s top lobbying firms: Patton Boggs, Alston & Byrd, [and] Bryan Cave.

The group boasts of its success in fighting for higher Medicare rates for partial hospitalization programs — the type of service Duran offered — and solicited money for a “policy defense fund” to fight proposed cuts.

Larry Duran

But, the cherry on top?  Well, Duran’s clinic were mental health facilities.

That takes screwing with your mind to whole new levels.

Patients often suffered from Alzheimer’s disease, dementia or other conditions unsuited for therapy and were frequently left to urinate or defecate on themselves as they waited for treatment that never came, testimony showed.

“The people that were there were just kept there and run through like cattle,” the judge in the case said.

Duran is going to prison, but only because we don’t allow stockades any more.  Get this:

Duran said he pleaded guilty in the case to atone for his actions.

No, Dude, you plead guilty to hide safely in a jail cell.  No, you jerk, atonement would mean spending the rest of your life getting the same treatment you gave those people.  You did this to Grandma!

Congrats to the Justice Department for finally catching him, but I think this might be a case where I’d use waterboarding.

According to court records, the FBI and IRS have examined numerous bank accounts belonging to American Therapeutic, Duran and Valera. But investigators have found only $750,000, noting that “millions of dollars remain unaccounted for.”

Where’s the other $204 million?

Sarah Palin is not running for President.

Best we can tell, it has something to do with prayer, bumpits, and making a buttload of money selling snake oil.