Republican Congressman John Flemming of Louisidamnana read the following from the Onion ….

TOPEKA, KS—Planned Parenthood announced Tuesday the grand opening of its long-planned $8 billion Abortionplex, a sprawling abortion facility that will allow the organization to terminate unborn lives with an efficiency never before thought possible.

During a press conference, Planned Parenthood president Cecile Richards told reporters that the new state-of-the-art fetus-killing facility located in the nation’s heartland offers quick, easy, in-and-out abortions to all women, and represents a bold reinvention of the group’s long-standing mission and values.

“Although we’ve traditionally dedicated 97 percent of our resources to other important services such as contraception distribution, cancer screening, and STD testing, this new complex allows us to devote our full attention to what has always been our true passion: abortion,” said Richards, standing under a banner emblazoned with Planned Parenthood’s new slogan, “No Life Is Sacred.”

… and immediately posted it on his Facebook page with the comment, “More on Planned Parenthood, abortion by the wholesale.”  No kidding.

One of his Facebook friends pointed out that it was satire.  From the Onion.  You know satire?  It’s something done to make you look like a damnfool.  Apparently it works.

Flemming then deleted the Facebook entry.

It is unknown if he said “oops.”

Thanks to RuthAnn for the heads-up.

Mel, Honey, that’s not why most folks go to prostitutes.   Marijuana is just their loss leader.

As you would suspect, voting records reveal that Mel is a staunch Republican.  I’m proud to say that Democratic men know what you go to a prostitute for.

Mel also has a Master’s degree in Theology and a PhD in Philosophy.  What the guy needs is a Bachelor of Gettin’ Your Story Straight.

You’ve heard about the redistricting mess in Texas.  Republicans want an entire Republican rich white boy legislature and congress.  It’s been a tough fight but we have better lawyers than they do, so we ain’t waving a white flag.

Okay, so to shock and awe everybody, Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott announced early this afternoon that “an agreement  has been reached with some parties regarding the ongoing redistricting legal fight.”

Really?  You mean it finally over and we can have an election?  Well, that’s some dandy news.

Not so quick, pardner.

Come to find out, the “some parties” appear to be Greg Abbott, a very small group of conservative Hispanics, Greg Abbott’s butt, some of Greg Abbott’s imaginary friends, and a drunk guy passed out in front of the Baptist Church in Sanger, Texas, claiming to be Randy Travis.

Today was the deadline to reach an agreement in order to have an April 3rd primary and Abbott played games.  With his butt.  He announced an agreement with one small group and said to Texas voters, “Come and get it!”

When we got there, there was a screwing awaiting us.

Left out of the agreement was (LULAC), the NAACP, the entire Democratic Party, the Gonzales Plaintiffs and the Quesda/Veasey Plaintiffs. The Mexican American Legislative Caucus also opposes the Abbott’s plan.

Faster than a bullet with legs, the San Antonio three judge panel (two of who were appointed by Republicans)  told the parties to keep negotiating, which means they were not impressed with Greg Abbott’s hiney, either.

One day when I’ve had a little more to drink, I’m gonna tell you all about a punk named Congressman Henry Goddam Cuellar, a Democrat who sells out Hispanics.  He aligned himself with Tom Delay during the last redistricting.  Greg Abbott now holds his leash.  He calls himself a Blue Dog Democrat, but only because there is no official Worthless Jerk Idiot Damn Twit Dog Democrat caucus.  I’m serious as a heart attack.

.

Dirt Janochek says he likes two kinds of music – country and western.

Country and western singer Randy Travis got arrested outside a Baptist Church.  For being drunk.  On Monday morning at 1:30 in the a.m.

Hell, that does not seem right.  He was probably still drunk from Sunday.  That shouldn’t count.

Randy Travis – the stuff that makes legends.

Now that there’s a mug shot, brother.

Arresting Randy Travis for being drunk is like arresting Willie Nelson for having weed.  There ain’t no detective work involved.

Thanks to Robin for heads-up.

One of our regular customers, Gramian, hangs out at another blog, too.  I swear she’s gonna get a social media disease if she doesn’t stop blog hoppin’.

Gramian found a gifted limerickist over at Mudflats, an Alaskan blog started over Sarah Palin’s exploits.  It’s a fun place.  Gramian wanted me to see that our own Rick Perry made the cut with this ditty:

The Kochs and their ALEC were merry
contemplating President Perry
Who forgot his lines
at inopportune times
Or maybe he’d sipped too much sherry.

Good ol’ boy Rick proved quite a scamp
at the entrance to N*ggerhead Camp
He held that prayer meeting
but still took a beating
‘Vangelicals need a new champ.

And there’s this one about Newt —

There was a large pig, name of Newt
As moral as J. van der Sloot
He looked such a glutton
‘Cause he couldn’t button
the bellyward part of his suit.

Callista, his helmet-haired wife
with smile as soft as a knife
while shopping at Tiffany
had an epiphany
This is the GingRich-y life.

The campaign of which they’re a part
Lacks empathy, feeling, and heart
though it never lacks
for scorn and attacks,
Thus tearing our country apart.

And that should start your Monday off right!

Thanks to Gramian for the heads-up.

Okay, I know everybody’s not going to agree on the characters, so let’s hear it.

Thanks to Shawn for the heads-up!