Through the miracle of modern big time journalism, you guys rarely know when I travel.  There’s a couple of reasons that I don’t tell you.

First is, it ain’t none of your bidness.

Second is that Marsha stays at my house to take care of Truman when I travel.  I need to tell you that Marsha is a retired parole officer and meaner than eight acres of snakes.   Marsha thinks gun control means being able to hit your target.  When the National Guard Armory needs more firepower, they send a tank by Marsha’s house.  You know that whole thing where the military hollers, “Identify yourself!” before they shoot?  Marsha was never in the military so you won’t need your ID if you scare her, unless, of course, you want your family to be able to identify the body.  The mess is hell to clean up and I don’t like coming home from a trip with a big ole mess awaiting me.   Hell, Marsha shot one of her husbands once and he was a skinny fella so she don’t need a big target.

Anyway, that’s why I generally don’t tell you I’m outta town.

But, I’m making an exception because you need to know I’m in North Carolina.  North Carolina has their primary on May 8th and, as I told you, they are trying to outlaw human rights.

I was at the Beaufort County Democrat Democratic Party Headquarters today.  This is the front window.

If you click enlarge, you will see a bumper sticker that Democrats are sporting all over North Carolina.  They are actively working against Amendment One, which bans gay marriage.

Now, I would like to remind Texas Democrats that North Carolina is BLUE.  They flipped for the first time since Jimmy Carter ran.  They supported President Barack Obama.  And the reason for that just might be that they decided to stand for something other than election.

Texas Democrats on the State Executive Committee overwhelmingly voted NOT to put marriage rights on the Democratic primary ballot.  That makes me so ashamed.  It also makes me mad.  Democrats need to stand up for minorities.  We need to lift up the underdogs.

I’m helping the fight in North Carolina. I predict North Carolina Democrats will carry this state again.  Polls show Obama 5 points ahead here.

So, there three important things here:  (1) don’t mess with Marsha, (2) don’t expect a lot of posts from me this week and those you do see will have lots of typos because I’m on a laptop I’m not used to, and (3) stand for something, dammit.

Filed by – Susan, foreign correspondent for The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc.

It’s official. We’ve finally, at long last, driven the Super DeLux Brand Christians totally wacko.

I hope you’ve done your part. It appears that Mitt Romney has.

— Bill Keller, the world’s leading Internet Evangelist and the founder of LivePrayer.com, with over 2.4 million subscribers worldwide reading the daily devotional he has written every morning for 13 years on the issues of the day from a Biblical worldview, states that a vote for Mormon cult member Mitt Romney will insure at least 1 million souls will end up in hell!!!

Notice he says “at least.” That means there could be more. It could mean you. Worse yet, it could mean me.

Notice he doesn’t say only the people who actually vote for Romney will go to hell. Oh no, he could mean that if even one person votes for Romney, at least a million people will go to hell. Good Lord, do the math. If Romney gets 100 votes, hefty parts of Nebraska, Ohio, Georgia, and Del Rio, Texas, will go to hell. On a cracker. In fact, especially the cracker thing.

And we’re doomed, doomed I tell you, because Pastor Keller ain’t real fond of President Obama either.

Keller, who has never told anyone who to or not to vote for and never endorses any political candidate said, “Christians have a real dilemma this November. It is like Satan flipping a two-headed coin with his head on both sides.”

Cool, huh? I didn’t even know that Satan had a coin, much less could flip one what with those cloven hoofs and all.

I’m pretty darn pleased with the job we’ve done with the steeple people, y’all.

Thanks to Ralph for the heads up.

Well, it appears that East Texas Congressvarmint Louie Gohmert has become the Afghan version of Hanoi Jane Fonda.

Louie took his butt and a couple of his friends to Afghanistan and started a fire bigger than his butt can tamp down.

The Dallas Morning News reports —

Two Texas congressmen met with the head of an Afghan opposition party in Kabul and criticized President Hamid Karzai’s administration on Sunday — the same day Karzai and President Barack Obama concluded delicate negotiations over the future of a U.S. presence in the country.

The meeting, which coincided with the announcement of a plan to keep some U.S. troops in Afghanistan for a decade, could complicate relations with the Afghan president at an important juncture.

Rep. Louie Gohmert, R-Tyler , organized the meeting with Massoud and other members of the Afghanistan National Front, a fiercely anti-Taliban group that fought alongside U.S. troops after the U.S. invasion of Afghanistan in 2001.

Now what would possess a congressman to go bad mouth the President of the United Damn States of America in a foreign country while we’re at war in that country? I mean other than dumb and hateful?

Can you even imagine the calls for a treason trial if Barney Franks had done that to George Bush in Iraq? Hellfire, the rightwing tried to starve the Dixie Chicks for far less than what Gohmert just did.

Screw Louie Gohmert. Yeah, Momma, I said it. Screw the sumbitch.

Thanks to David for the heads up.

Okay, so the moving picture show candy Mike & Ike came up with a clever ad campaign to get attention, which is what ad campaigns are supposed to do.  Well, that and hack off conservatives.

The ad campaign talks about the “split” of Mike & Ike – off to pursue different goals.  Will they divorce?  Will they seek counseling?  What will become of their love?  Will you please buy some damn candy?

So, having conquered poverty, crime, education, war, a nuclear Iran, and Boolean algebra, Family Research Council president Tony Perkins, a rightwing harbinger of all things sexy, has taken on Mike & Ike.

“It’s just another subtle example of society chipping away at the value of marriage,” he said. “And I don’t know what’s more disturbing–that advertisers think divorce appeals to kids or that sexualizing candy will make people buy more. After a year-long build-up, the company will reveal if the couple reconciles. Until then, look for Mike & Ike to have a distinctly liberal flavor.”

Tony - The Sexy Candy Man

Dude, it’s sugar, gelatin, and food coloring.  That, my friend, is not the recipe for making whoopie.

Last week this same guy had other sexy ideas —

The leader of an anti-LGBT rights group on Monday said a scandal where Secret Service agents were caught with female prostitutes in Columbia was actually the fault of “open homosexuality in our military.”

Damn, I should have seen that coming.

Thanks to Austin Hat Lady for the heads-up.

It’s easy as pie to be ideologically pure just so long you don’t have to govern.

That is why you should never vote for a libertarian or a tea party member.  You elect them and they get backpedaling blisters on their heels within one term.  And I have proof of that.

In a letter to Speaker John Boehner and House Majority Leader Eric Cantor, 65 House Republican freshmen — or roughly three-quarters of the class — asked that the House consider a miscellaneous tariff bill jampacked with special provisions to suspend duties on various foreign goods, even though it runs counter to the earmark ban Republicans campaigned on in 2010 and instituted when they took power.

So, it gets to election time and the tea party freshmen have not brought home the bacon.   They want to slaughter the hawg before the voters head to the polls.

But, there’s that pesky problem of promising no earmarks.  So, they are doing the Republican thing:  looking for loopholes in their promises.  You know, like Newt taught them to do with women and Mitt teaches them to do with … well hell, everydamnthing.

Thanks to David for the heads-up.

Newt Gingrich still wants to be President and is willing to make a damfool of himself doing it.

In North Carolina he’s running against the gays. Amendment One on the GOP ballot in North Carolina calls for a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage. Listen to The Reverend Newt preach about what’s right and what’s wrong.

“Marriage between a man and a woman is at the heart of our civilization,” Gingrich said. “It’s a belief that is now under attack and yet it is at the very core of defining who we are. That’s why I urge you to vote for the initiative right here in North Carolina.”

Yo Noot, listen to Sister Juanita of the Church of Our Lady of Perpetual Virginity: For Newt Gingrich, marriage is between a man and a woman and a woman and a woman and maybe another woman. And that, my friend, is at the heart of Republican neo-hypocrisy civilization.

Thanks to Brian for the heads up.