Momma is an 86 year old Baptist (but not THAT kind of Baptist) lady with a bad heart, a pure soul, and lifetime supply of making people mind their manners.  It’s going to be hard to get her through this election if we don’t review the rules.

The only permissible four letter words are hell, damn, and butt, giving you leeway to say “damnhellbutt” if the spirit moves you.  I can get away with sumbitch about once a month but more than that and Momma starts looking for the Lifebuoy soap.  I can say caca del toro only because Momma doesn’t speak Spanish.

You cannot tell Momma to look the other way and then cuss.  Her neck doesn’t work like that.

I really do have a real job that needs tending to from time to time.  Therefore, I don’t answer every email I get.  Momma says that is rude and she wants you to know that I wasn’t raised that way.  She’s right.  However, I can have a website or answer every email.  I pick website, because if I don’t vent a couple times a day, I’ll explode and make a helluva mess.

Also, if you send me a very good link, I might not use it right away.  I sit on some of them for a month before I think of an opinion.  I’m not ignoring you; I’m pondering.  Sometimes I ponder and come up with nada.  It’s happened to me since kindergarten, so instead of feeling bad about myself, I chose to believe there are places in my brain that are artistically empty.

The only reason I write this stuff is to read the comments, so comment, dammit.  For the most part, I ban Republicans.  There’s a good reason this.  Our local GOP has only 1 blogger and he’s anonymous, a boring human being, and living proof that there are more horses patooties than horses.  So, they want to come here and post anonymously.  Screw ‘um.

You know who I detest?  Joe Walsh, that’s who.

Joe Walsh: Bad Man

Even before he criticized Tammy Duckworth for going out in public without legs, I detested that hypocritical, lying, mean, vicious, deadbeat dad, hot tempered, arrogant sumbitch.

Now I double dog detest him.   Way back in March, he did an interview with Politico.

“I have so much respect for what she did in the fact that she sacrificed her body for this country,” said Walsh, simultaneously lowering his voice as he leaned forward before pausing for dramatic effect. “Ehhh. Now let’s move on.”

“What else has she done? Female, wounded veteran … ehhh,” he continued.

Move on?   Did that jerk say move on?  About a veteran without legs?  They don’t even allow that kind of talk in hell, Joe.

Then, not realizing what a crass twit he sounded like, he decided this was the best way to attack her.  This analysis is from a Marine veteran who lives here in Texas.

So now we have a Republican Congressman from Illinois, a fellow by the name of Joe Walsh (a deadbeat dad, too, just to put icing on this lily-white cupcake of a man), who is not a combat vet, or a vet of any kind…who apparently thought himself too good, too valuable, to risk his pretty pink backside in a uniform, right out there in public dissing the service of a 20+ year veteran combat vet, his opponent who’s a double amputee from a combat injury (she was a  helicopter pilot whose chopper was hit by an RPG), saying she’s not a “true hero” because–get this–she talks about how she lost her legs and that gives her some understanding of how important health care is for people.

Now, it’s not my job to decide the eventual eternity for folks, so I don’t know where Joe’s going after he dies, but I would be willing to bet my best pair of pink boots that he’s getting there in a hand-basket.

Thanks to Ms. Moon for the heads up.

Y’all, the one thing missing from the hate-packed boycott of General Mills was street theater.

Well, boy howdy, that’s been fixed!  And they make homosexual a seven syllable word.

They call it parody.  I call it creepy.  Really creepy.

Thanks to Brian for creeping me out with this.

So New York Republican State Senator Marty Golden was sitting around one day trying to decide what’s wrong with the world today.  And a light bulb went off over his head.

Women are not polished and professional enough in the workplace!  That’s what’s wrong with America!

Under pressure from his chief political opponent, a state senator cancelled a taxpayer-funded event that purportedly would have taught his female constituents to behave in a more lady-like manner in the modern workplace.

New York state Sen. Marty Golden, a Republican, sent out a flyer this week inviting women in his Brooklyn-centered district “to Refresh [their] Business Etiquette and Social Protocol Skills” at a “Polish Professional” workshop later this month. The advertisement offered session attendees the opportunity to learn about “handshakes and introductions,” as well as “posture, deportment and the feminine presence.”

What?  No fashion tips for aprons?  Screw it, then I ain’t going.

The Overly Elegant Marty Golden

State Senator Marty defended the workshop by saying that the event was aimed at “helping young women become attractive candidates in a competitive job market.”

But, the best part comes right  here in words strung together for maximum impact …

Another description of the class on Golden’s website said that attendees would be taught to “sit, stand and walk like a model” and “walk up and down a stair elegantly,”

Oh yeah, because there’s so many jobs that require “elegant” stair climbing.  Let’s see, there’s professional stair climber, hooker, …. uh, there’s …., uh…. I’m sure there’s more but I can’t think of them.

And hell, the first thing I look for in a banker, a police officer, a CPA, a nurse, a school teacher, a postal carrier, a brick layer, or a freekin’ State Senator is “can she sit, stand, and walk like a model.”

Good Lord, Marty, you represent Brooklyn.  Have you ever been to Brooklyn?  There are women who can kick your butt in Brooklyn, Marty, and if they can’t, the Juanita Jean School of Professional Butt Kicking has a few openings left for the fall semester.

Thanks to Karen Lee and Ralph and Nancy for the heads-up.

Okay, I would feel sorry for Chief Justice  John Roberts but I just can’t.  Even blind squirrels can find acorns, and he voted right one damn time.  Like Thelma says, “Just because he breath smells like bananas doesn’t mean he’s Tarzan.”

Wiping that grin off his face

Roberts is learning a very valuable lesson:  he lays down with dogs.

Slimy leaks from inside the court, which more than likely didn’t come from Sonia Sotomayor, paint Roberts as everything from crazy, to drug induced delirium, to the suggestion that he’s pure poopie del pollo and probably was bought-off.

Godforsaken old Scalia was furious about it and since he couldn’t bring himself to attack another old white guy, he lashed out at the closest black guy around and that just happened to be President Obama.

The rightwing will never forgive Roberts, and if he has a hair on his butt he’ll never go back to them.  If he has any sense of decency, he will apologize for Citizens United, tell everybody that he voted incorrectly only because Clarence Thomas was telling some very distracting dirty jokes.

Hell, they had Bush tear up the Presidency, John Boehner fry the Congress and now they are depending on Scalia to hold the Court in the bathtub and drown that sucker.

Have I told you lately that I hate those sumbitches?  I do.  I flat hate them.

Thanks to David for getting me riled-up.