Okay, so most of you know that Republicans are running around so shaking and excited that they could thread a sewing machine while it’s running about a horror right here in the United States of Damn America — stand up and holler — voter fraud!

GOP Version of Typical South Texas Democratic Voter

They pretend to be totally convinced that Democrats are busing in people from Guatemala or Russia or someplace to vote in the Illinois election.  I say pretend because they truly are pretending.  They are attempting to take our eyes off real voter fraud being done by Republicans – Voting By Mail.

I told you about it last week and how Republicans in my county got away with it.  And the New York Times picked up on it this morning.

In a 2005 report signed by President Jimmy Carter and James A. Baker III, who served as secretary of state under the first President George Bush, the Commission on Federal Election Reform concluded, “Absentee ballots remain the largest source of potential voter fraud.”

On the most basic level, absentee voting replaces the oversight that exists at polling places with something akin to an honor system.

“Absentee voting is to voting in person,” Judge Richard A. Posner of the United States Court of Appeals for the Seventh Circuit has written, “as a take-home exam is to a proctored one.”

Now, I’m not saying that the New York Times picked it up because I mentioned it.  I’m just saying that might have happened.  And the Easter Bunny might have lost his cotton tail.  You can’t know theses kinds of things for a fact.

So kinda by accident and kinda by damn nosy, I discovered that the Democrats in Fort Bend have never had a recognizable Democrat on the committee that looks at vote by mail ballots to decide if they are legitimate.  So, just out of pure meanness, I called my county chairman (who is new) and asked if I could be on that committee.  He not only said yep, he also asked me to round up two other people to be on it.

So, I got my friend Cary, a retired FBI Agent, and Judy, a recently retired librarian and meaner than ten acres of snakes when it comes defending Democrats.  Then I called the elections administrator and announced our picks.  The election administrator seems like a nice enough guy but he didn’t seem real excited about us invading the usual committee.  He nicely explained to me that in past they all gotten along on the committee.

I know this is going to come as a shock to you, but I am notoriously bad at getting along.  I know, shocking.  And if you think a FBI agent or a librarian list “gets along” at the top of their resume, then you’ve never tried to rob a bank or write in a library book and you need to get out more often.

So, all I’m telling you is to keep your eyes open for voter fraud among Republicans because they wouldn’t be upset about it if they weren’t doing it.

And that’s the damn truth.

Mitt Romney cheating?   Nooooooooooo……

The rules for the debate say, “No props, notes, charts, diagrams, or other writings or other tangible things may be brought into the debate by any candidate.”

That man is so slick that I have no idea how he keeps his socks up.

Thanks to Norma for the heads up.

So, in case you haven’t heard, President Obama’s economic policies are working like a heavy hammer on a greased nail.

Friday’s monthly jobs report changed the picture of the U.S. economy in more ways than one, showing the unemployment rate fell to the lowest level in more than three years and hiring was stronger than originally reported throughout the summer.

Unemployment unexpectedly fell to 7.8% in September, down from 8.1%, as a survey of U.S. households showed 873,000 more Americans had jobs compared to a month earlier.

So, what does Bain Capital do?

Sensata Technologies, a company owned by Bain Capital is closing down its Freeport, IL plant and moving it to China. The company’s 175 workers will lose their jobs. The employees wrote a letter to Bain’s founder, Mitt Romney, last week asking him to help save their jobs. He has not responded as yet.

Bain Capital is determined to get those unemployment numbers back up, dammit.

Thanks to Marcia for the heads up.

So Mitt Romney is freekin’ sorry.

How many men do you know who can strut through an apology without ever actually looking sorry.   Whatever number that is, add one more, which probably brings your count up to …. oh, I dunno, one?

I have to hand him this:  he is multi-talented.  He can talk and piss me off at the time.

Good Lord, the man can even flip flop on being wrong.

Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney has described his disparaging remarks about the 47 percent of Americans who don’t pay federal income taxes as “not elegantly stated.” Now he’s calling them “just completely wrong.”

First it was inelegant, now it’s wrong, tomorrow it will be a slip of the tongue and by Monday he’ll be claiming, “I never made that statement.”

In the pinball game of truth, his flippers are a little farther apart than most people.

But, here’s the kick in your groin —

He added: “And I absolutely believe, however, that my life has shown that I care about 100 percent and that’s been demonstrated throughout my life. And this whole campaign is about the 100 percent.”

When would that have been, Mitt?  When you were firing people?  When you held a kid down and cut his hair?  When you shipped your money off shore to avoid paying taxes for the roads we all use?  When you didn’t even know what the Lilly Ledbetter Act was?

Honey, I will go surfing in Nebraska the day you can ever show that you care about, or even understand, 100% of America.

Thanks to Aggieland Liz for the heads up.

This morning, John Sununu, Mitt Romney’s adviser, Bush boot-kisser and overall not-too-bright political commentator, called President Barack Obama “lazy and detached.”

Lazy.

Honey, some dude who looks like he has to sit down in shifts does not need to be callin’ anybody lazy.

Now, I know it’s just one more attempt to make the first black President look unAmerican – lacking the values of hard work and all.  Hell, he wasn’t even born here and that makes Obama not “like” us.  And, you know how much Mitt Romney is “like” us – born rich and connected and – by gawd – he worked hard to use that money and connections to keep his money and connections.

Sununu, if you need reminding, was the guy who said that President Obama “needs to learn how to be an American.”

And, proving once again my well researched theory that Republicans have had humorectomies, Sununu based his claim on a joke the President told when he went to the debate prep carrying a pizza and joked,  “they’re making me do this work.”  According to Sununu, that was not a joke, it was proof that, “He didn’t want to prepare for this debate. He’s lazy and disengaged.”

Andrea Mitchell gave Sununu an opportunity to back off his claim that the President is lazy.  Nope, instead Sununu doubled down and said he was darn sure that the President is lazy.

Was it racist?  Does Howdy Doody have wooden toes?  Would a two ton hog make a lot of bacon?

Honey, it came out of John Sununu’s mouth.

So, here’s the deal.  Instead of getting mad, get even.  Show John Sununu how lazy you are.  This weekend blockwalk, phone bank, address envelopes or register voters.  Do something to help President Obama and the Democratic ticket this weekend.

Take a picture of what you do and email it to me.  I will post it right here, with your name or where you’re from if you want me to.

I’m serious.  Show ole chubby boy a thing or two.

You know, one of the great lesson of life is Do Not Hack off A Woman.  We will hurt you.

And it seems that a woman has undercovered a bit of information about Todd Akin.

Republican Senate candidate Todd Akin on Thursday released a decade’s worth of federal financial reports he has updated with nearly $130,000 in state pension income that he received, but failed to disclose, over that time.

He calls it an oversight.  Yeah, right, Todd.

Here you are, one of those government teat-suckers that doesn’t take responsibility for your own life but you “forgot” to report that.

Todd, hey, nobody believes you.

Thanks to Craig for the heads up.