Like I’ve said before, the only man in a dress who I trust is RuPaul.  Well, and maybe Lady Gaga, I haven’t decided on that one yet.

But, it’s definitely not the Pope.  Maybe it’s because he wears a wedding dress every day, I dunno.  I just don’t trust that guy.

So now the Pope is saying, get this, “future of mankind is at stake over gay marriage.”

Say Yes To The Dress

Well, I guess in a purely biological sense, he’s right.  I mean, if everybody gets the gay, there won’t be reproduction and Toys R Us will go out of business.  On the other hand, if that’s his reasoning, then the priesthood is a threat to mankind.

However, in a theological / social sense, he’s freekin’ nuts.

So, he’s saying that gay is more of a threat than divorce, murder, war, poverty, nuclear crap, mutant virus, zombies, and a Robert Palmer reunion tour?  Look, total gay may be a slight threat to the NFL but even pro wrestling is safe.

On Monday, the Vatican’s newspaper described laws on gay marriage as an attempt at a communist-like “utopia”, a day after tens of thousands of demonstrators turned out in France to support legalizing both marriages and adoption for gay couples.

Okay, okay, he said communism.  What the hell does gay have to do about controlling the means of production?  Unless he means production as not having babies, that’s just goofy.

Secondly, since when did utopia become a bad thing?

Third, what’s some Nazi doing talking about communism?  Look, I know the last German to do that was Hitler, but the comparison isn’t completely inappropriate in this case.

Hey Pope, I don’t mean to be disrespectful or anything, but kiss my butt.

As if the Texas Department of Public Safety haven’t has enough bad publicity lately, what with roadside strip searches, yesterday they arrested Santa Claus in front of the State Capitol with children watching.

Santa was committing the heinous crime of giving chalk to children to write their wishes for the holidays on the sidewalk in front of the capitol.  The children wrote horrible words like Peace, Love, Community, Harmony, and there were absolutely no dirty words because, dammit, Santa was watching.  However, these words are known to be against the peace and dignity of the State of Texas.

Along come the Troopers and cuff an obviously dangerous, and completely distraught, Santa in full view of children and their parents.  Several people taped the event, but those that did got their picture taken by the Troopers.  I suspect that since Troopers have no honor left, intimidation and guns is all they have.

The Troopers told the crowd that Santa was being arrested for chalking the sidewalk.  When the crowd explained that Santa didn’t chalk- the children did, they decided to arrest him for resisting arrest.  There’s a video of that, too.

They end up with 6 Troopers, 2 patrol cars, and two Troopers in full riot gear to take Santa to the pokey.

As one man says at the end, “This is messed up, Dude.”

Momma is having her 87th birthday today.  We’re having a party here at the beauty salon with her daughter, her daughter-in-laws, her granddaughters and her granddaughters-in-law and her great granddaughters.  It’s going to be a fiesta of Aqua Net, shiny, and oooohhhs.  Everybody has arrived in town early for Christmas to celebrate Momma.

So, y’all keep up with things until this evening.  If the world ends for you people on the East Coast, give me a heads up so I can have an extra Margarita.  And if Sweet Jesus comes back, send him over to to Momma’s party.  He’d feel right at home with Momma.  But if that mean hateful vindictive Jesus comes back, send him on over, too, so I can read the new testament to him.

Momma with my niece opening birthday presents.

His Plan B became the morning-after apocalypse pill.

Click here.

Thanks to Texas Ellen for the great You Tube.

Okay, y’all, we don’t have to secede.  We’re gonna get kicked out.

Kacal - All balls and no bullets

State Rep. Kyle Kacal said something incredibly stoopid to the Aggie Newspaper, The Eagle.  When you are stand-out dumb in Bryan-College Station, where the competition is fierce, you win a real special-dumb award.  It takes years of practice and lots of lost IQ points to be extra special dumb in Aggieville.

Kacal was discussing trying to do something about assault weapon violence and tried to offer up what the real problem in America is.

For example, Kacal, who lives on a 2,400-acre ranch in Brazos County, said he wouldn’t support a proposed bill instructing residents how to secure their assault weapons.

“People know what they need to do to be safe. We don’t need to legislate that — it’s common sense,” he said. “Once everyone’s gun is locked up, then the bad guys know everyone’s gun is locked up.”

Kacal echoed a common nationwide argument that guns don’t kill people, people kill people.

“I’ve heard of people being killed playing ping-pong — ping-pongs are more dangerous than guns,” he said. “Flat-screen TVs are injuring more kids today than anything.”

Little did I know about ping pong violence.  I mean, here I sit  in my little world, innocent of the fact that ping-pongs are more dangerous than guns and that flat screen tvs are the real enemy of children.

Why, come to find out,  last week alone there were ten ping-pong drive bys and a dozen cases of carrying balls without a license – something that obviously Kacal could never be indicted for.

And we have got to do something about these murdering flat screen tvs.  Those suckers sneak into banks and commit robberies every day, throwing around their weight as a threat.

Ping pongs.  No, y’all, seriously.  He said ping pongs.  I guess he was looking in a mirror.

Or something.

Oh Lord, put Texas out of its misery.

Thanks to JustSuze and Brian C for the heads up.