Seven words.

Take your seat,please, and let’s get along with the business of America.

Do you wanna know what is cool?

Cool is being the top National Rifle Association field representative in New York and not being allowed to carry a gun.  Because you’re a wife beater.   Now that right there is cool.

The NRA's New York Field Representative, Richard the Wife Whacker

Richard D’Alauro, the NRA’s field representative for the city and its suburbs, is forbidden from owning guns under an order of protection stemming from a confrontation with his wife in their Long Island home, the Daily News has learned.

Suffolk County authorities filed misdemeanor charges of assault and endangering the welfare of a child and a noncriminal charge of harassment as a result of the domestic dustup, which occurred at 1:55 a.m. on Sept. 1, 2010, records show.

At the time, the police confiscated a whopping 39 pistols, shotguns and rifles that D’Alauro kept in the couple’s East Northport, L.I., home.

What is that, like maybe Dandy Richard’s Wife Beating Armory and Hair Products?

I’m promising you, this guy is just a cramp looking for my style.

Way to go, NRA. You sure know how to pick ‘um.

Thanks to Carl for the heads up.

If you can remember the 60s, you weren’t there.

I was.

And I don’t remember it this way at all.

Louisiana has a school voucher program has been about as helpful as a dead cat down the well.  It’s been in a mell of a hess.

And, come to find out, it’s been kinda funny.  The kids over at AmericaBlog have found some hysterical stuff in Louisiana voucher school history books.

“[The Ku Klux] Klan in some areas of the country tried to be a means of reform, fighting the decline in morality and using the symbol of the cross. Klan targets were bootleggers, wife-beaters, and immoral movies. In some communities it achieved a certain respectability as it worked with politicians.”—United States History for Christian Schools, 3rd ed., Bob Jones University Press, 2001

Yeah, that’s how it went.

Did you know that ‘the hippies” worshiped Satan and practiced bad manners?  (Click the little one to get the big one.)

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Wow, I must have been really stoned.  On the other hand, I am still breaking all the rules of manners and politeness.

Thanks to Norma for the heads up.

If you don’t live in Texas, you’re fixing to miss a race between the two nastiest men in Texas.  You could not clean up either of these two guys with a gallon of bleach and a Brillo pad.

Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott is taking on Governor Rick Perry for the right to be the Republican nominee for Governor, which is gonna make it a whole lot easier for a Democrat to win.

I expect the first shot across the bow will go something like this:  “Sure, Rick Perry may have shot a coyote on his morning run.  I, on the other hand, shoot actual people.”

You would think that there would be a brick wall on the far, far right that these guys eventually would have to run into.  If so, you would think wrong.  These two guys are gonna be exploring worlds so far right that Glen Beck would be considered sane.  I am certain that it will involve a clubbing baby seal contest and who can produce the most gas to pass to foul the air the most. And a contest on which one can personally engrave the Ten Commandments on solid concrete the fastest will result in some scraped fingers and horrible wall art.

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Hug or Headlock? This ain't gonna be pretty.

By the way, Greg Abbott is getting all prissy over on Facebook.  He’s even got an ad.

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There will be blood.

Thanks to Kellye for the heads up.

Dude, I think you’re a little too interested in your granddaughter’s sex life.

Gassman's the name ...

Iowa state Rep. Tedd Gassman wants to stop divorce in his state because he’s convinced that daughters of divorced couples are more likely to be sexually active than other girls, and By Gawd, his children divorced.  So this is the Save Gassman’s Granddaughter From a Life of Tawdy Affairs Act.

You cannot kid about these things.  These people are dead solid perfect serious.

Speaking about his granddaughter, whose parents recently divorced, Gassman said, “There’s a 16-year-old girl in this whole mix now. Guess what? What are the possibilities of her being more promiscuous? What are the possibilities of all these other things surrounding her life that a 16-year-old girl, with hormones raging, can get herself into?”

Can you imagine that poor girl having her hormones in the official Iowa state records?  I think she should be given a truckload of money, get to change her name and move to another state.

So, here’s Gassman’s bill.  (By the way, you cannot make fun of this man’s name if you are under 12 years of age and you ain’t so don’t even try.)

[No divorce] except in cases of “adultery, physical or sexual abuse, imprisonment or if one partner is missing for more than a year or the couple has lived apart for more than two years”—because “[i]f our families break up, so will this nation.”

Dude, it’s your kids who are breaking up.  I’m sorry your family is so intent on destroying America and turning teenager girls into promiscuity.

By the way, the day that Mr. Gassman starts talking about teenage male promiscuity, I will be vaguely happier with him than I am now.

Thanks to Carl on the frozen tundra for the heads up.

Rick Perry is running for President again.  He’s learned to count to three, and has figured out a way to explain how he became a millionaire when the only job he’s ever had has been on the public dole – hey, you can save a lot of money on hair care products if you use coupons.

So, since Texas is so far out there on the right, Rick cannot let Obamacare sneak its way into Texas by crossing the Canadian border or something like that.  So, we ain’t getting no damn Obamacare, ya hear?

Rick would rather kiss off $100 billion in healthcare benefits for the 24% of Texans who are uninsured than be a sissy boy like Chris Christie who can do arithmetic.  Additionally,

One of the most significant developments for Medicaid advocates came the day before, however, when a report by the state’s former deputy comptroller, Billy Hamilton, described expansion as smart, affordable and fair.

The report found a substantial impact on the Texas economy. In fiscal years 2014 to 2017, the injection of $27.5 billion in new federal Medicaid money would increase the state’s economic output by nearly $68 billion, said the report, which was sponsored by two religious-based advocacy groups, Texas Impact and Methodist Healthcare Ministries.

So, now he’s kissing-off $168 billion for the state of Texas.  Sitting nakkid on the back porch burning piles of money is Rick Perry’s plan to get elected President, and if a couple thousand children have to die for it, they ought to man-up and quit being obstinate. Besides, being obstinate is Rick’s job.  In fact, you could flip him upside down and cut diamonds with his head.

Thanks to Stephen for the heads-up.