This is an absolutely true story.  I promise.

One of my adorable in-laws decided to open a coffee shop.  Her mother, an elderly Southern Baptist woman who has rarely been outside her small town in Texas, simply refused to believe that people would pay a lot of money for coffee when they could make it so cheaply at home.  She was blissfully unaware of the Starbucks phenomenon.

My in-law, let’s call her Jean, tried to explain to her mother that people do, in fact, pay big money for coffee and will even buy it to-go from a drive through window just like the Dairy Queen.  When Jean explained that she would have different kinds of coffee, her mother argued, “There’s only one kind of coffee and it’s coffee.  Then there’s tea.”

Struggling for an answer, Jean said, “Mom, there’s many kinds of coffee.  We will be selling some very exotic coffees that you’ve never even heard about.”

That seemed to satisfy her.

A week later, Jean gets a call from the minister of First Baptist.  It seems that Jean’s mother is excitingly telling fellow Baptist church goers that her daughter is opening a coffee shop and will be selling erotic coffees.

Jean was mortified.  At least until she opened the shop a week later and the line of Baptist waiting to get in was down the sidewalk and around the corner.

And so it goes in other Southern states.  It seems that an unnamed Southern senator was in a closed door meeting and described our president much the same way.

President Obama was described as “exotic” by one senator from a Southern state during a closed-door meeting, Sen. Tom Harkin (D-Iowa) claimed Wednesday.

Harkin said the remark was made at a private event attended by nearly the entire Senate on filibuster reform.

Now begins the questions:  (1)  Which Southern Senatefool was it?, and (2) how long before it becomes erotic?

My guess is Lindsay Graham and not soon enough.

So back during the march on the Texas capitol over women’s rights, the rightwing bussed in people from across the country to try to outnumber us and keep us out of the Senate gallery.  It, of course, didn’t work.

They had promised these people free housing.  That housing, of course, wasn’t with rich Republicans who won’t share even table scraps.  It was at the YMCA.  Where they got kicked out.  And I’m fixing to tell you why.

Meanwhile, back at FoamAtTheMouthville, Rick Santorium got to spouting off about what a horrible person I am.

Very Uncomfortable

“You see, what the left does, what the pro-choice movement does is they just don’t focus on their little issue, they focus on everything they do and every aspect of their life,” he explained. “They make it uncomfortable for students who come to Austin to shower at a young men’s Christian association YMCA gym.”

“Because they live it. They’re passionate. They’re willing to do and say uncomfortable things in mixed company. They’re willing to make the sacrifice at their business because they care enough… They simply won’t give up. We have the truth and we give up! We have righteousness and we give up because it’s unpopular!”

See, get it?  We made these sweet unassuming kids uncomfortable to shower at the YMCA.  You know, shower means nakkid and we all know what happens in showers when you’re nakkid.  At least Rick Santorum does because he talks about it a lot.  And these kids were just minding their own business when they got “uncomfortable.”

So what’s the real story.  As to be expected of uninformed Santorum and his overwhelming desire to talk about nakkid, facts didn’t matter.  The YMCA issued a statement.

We strive to create an atmosphere that is welcoming to all, where people of all backgrounds are comfortable.

That’s what we were striving to do in accommodating the Students for Life group who were in need of a place to shower.

Unfortunately, in this instance, it caused the political debate to come into the Y.

If any person or group enters our facilities and creates an atmosphere that is disruptive, we have an obligation to our members and program participants to ask that person or group to leave or to refuse them access.

There are appropriate places in which to conduct a political debate, and that place is down the street at the State Capitol, not at our YMCA.

So, exactly who was being disruptive and making people uncomfortable?   In Santorum’s upside down nakkid world, hot is cold and day is night. It was his people who were trouble makers at the Y.

How proud he must be to know that because that’s exactly what he was telling them to do.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

Oh dear God, you know all that stuff you hear about fracking?  Well, in Texas it is apparently happening to brains.

There is a giant Tea Party movement to get Louie Gohmert to run against John Cornyn for Senate in 2016.   And it’s not a bowel movement.  Okay, so maybe it is but these people are as serious as a double headed rattlesnake.

Louie Gohmert for Senate? That’s what a number of Texas tea-party activists are hoping for. They’re not happy with Senator John Cornyn, and Katrina Pierson, who serves on the Texas Tea Party Caucus Advisory Board, tells me she’s heard from a number of activists pushing for the outspoken East Texas congressman to challenge the senator.

The only reassuring news about this is that “Gohmert told the Washington Examiner that he won’t be running for Senate.”  However, you do have to consider that maybe Gohmert didn’t understand the question.

The result of all this is that it forces Cornyn to move further to the right.  And with Hillary Clinton topping the ticket in 2016 (she is wildly popular among Hispanics in Texas) there’s a dandy chance that Mayor Julian Castro can knock Cornyn cold enough to skate on.  And Gohmert?  Castro would tie his ears in a bow knot.

I want y’all to watch this video and tell me if this man could possibly be sober.

(Oops, maybe I was drunk. I had the wrong link.)

Do you want to know what was a bigger recruiting tool for Al-Qaeda than Guantanamo Bay or the atrocities committed at Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq?

The President shutting down our embassies.

Louie Gohmert knows these things.

And for the daily double, Louie says he duct taped a defendants head in his courtroom when he was a judge.

“… I had one guy that was particularly out of line, and I warned him three times and then we duct taped his head,” Gohmert said. “And we didn’t hear from him until it was his turn to talk.”

Yes, but it was duct taped blessed over at the Baptist Church.

In case you have any friends who still think that we’re in post-racial America, let them now that Arizona hasn’t gotten the memo.

When President Obama spoke there yesterday, crowds greeted him and there were more protestors than supporters.

Obama foes at one point sang, “Bye Bye Black Sheep,” a derogatory reference to the president’s skin color, while protesters like Deanne Bartram raised a sign saying, “Impeach the Half-White Muslim!”

But, they couldn’t help themselves.  You know for fact who is at fault, right?

But a prevailing theme among many in the protest appeared to be issues of race. Some even suggested that Obama himself was to blame for racial tensions.

“We have gone back so many years,” Judy Burris told the Republic, arguing Obama had taken the nation back to pre-Civil Rights era levels of racism. “He’s divided all the races. I hate him for that.”

Because, you know, he’s black and he doesn’t cover it up.   He could just stay inside the White House but he insists on walking around the country being black.  That’s divisive.

Holy crap, y’all.   Where do they find these crazy white people?  Oh yeah, Arizona.