In a large case of Oops, Never Mind, the State of Florida has finished an 9 month of investigation of “rampant” voter fraud in their state.  They needed to justify their new restrictive Voter ID laws.

So, they did find some cases.  Two cases to be exact.

Oh, and the kicker?  The two cases consisted of two voter registration forms fraudulently filled out by a man who worked for the Republican party.  He admitted to stealing the identity of his former girlfriend’s ex-husband and filling out the two forms.

Well, the number of cases might increase considering two more cases do remain open, though it’s clear Governor Scott has moved on from this investigation.

I think a solution much better than restrictive Voter ID might be to not let Republicans vote.

And while we’re in Florida, there’s this precious little nugget.

A “hometown campaign kickoff” at a waterfront home in Tampa for Attorney General Pam Bondi is scheduled for the same night that Gov. Rick Scott had once set as the execution date for Death Row inmate Marshall Lee Gore. The execution was moved to a later date at Bondi’s request.

Wait a minute!  Wait a minute!  An execution is a downer at a Florida Republican political fundraiser? Florida is damn wimpy.   Hell, in Texas they’d move the execution to the fundraiser and double the “suggestion donation” price.

Thanks to Carl for the heads up.

It came from Waco.

A Waco sign printing company decided a real dandy way to advertise their business was to create a decal that fits perfectly on the lift gate of a pickup truck.  And they put the only natural, God fearing, American, pick up truck decal fit for gun-toting Texas Republicans.

A woman tied up in bed of the truck.

.

Ain’t that purdy?

So if you were wondering where the mud flap girl went to, here’s your answer.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

Preparing for all eventualities, a wing commander at a West Texas Air Force base says he has a plan for defending the base from attacks by zombies.

Brig. Gen. Glen VanHerck commands the 7th Bomb Wing at Dyess Air Force Base near Abilene. His answer to an online Q&A session that he had a zombie defense plan drew attention from the magazine Air Force Times.

That’s definitely handy, but what we really need is a plan for the next time that Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott says, “Come and Get It” with his cannon, y’all can actually come and get the damn thing.

Thanks to Kyle for the heads up.

All the Republican House members from Texas have formed a massive joint fundraising committee called Texans for Texans.

The joint fundraising committee is based in . . .  Georgia.

Thanks to Alfredo over at the Dairy Queen for the heads up.

Barry Smitherman is currently the Railroad Commissioner for the Ex-Great State of Texas.   Oddly, the Texas Railroad Commissioner regulates oil and gas in Texas.

Barry is currently running for Attorney General because the Attorney General is running for Governor.  Yeah, it’s musical chairs in Texas.

If you will recall, last week Barry said that the problem with Texas is that we women aren’t having enough babies.  And that aborted fetuses would have voted Republican.  And that all state employees should get free license to carry classes.  And that the women who protested at the State Capitol are “satanic, evil, and crude.”

Honey, honey, honey, that child is on a roll and there ain’t no bottom to his hill.

This week he’s got a new one.

Texas is becoming its own Doomsday Preppers.

Listen to his plan for Texas —

“One of the things I’ve focused on in the last 10 years of my public sector life is preparing Texas to be a prosperous and safe place to work, regardless of what happens outside our borders,” he said.

“We are uniquely situated because we have energy resources, fossil and otherwise, and our own independent electrical grid. Generally speaking, we have made great progress in becoming an independent nation, an ‘island nation’ if you will, and I think we want to continue down that path so that if the rest of the country falls apart, Texas can operate as a stand-alone entity with energy, food, water and roads as if we were a closed-loop system.”

Holy food stockpile, this guy thinks Texas can be its own nation.

Now how we’re going to keep Oklahoma, Louisiana, and New Mexico from invading us is a whole ‘nother problem, but I suspect he has a solution for that, too, and it probably involves permit to carry licenses for all state employees and a whole mess of babies.

You know I love my Texas but I gotta say something here.  Every time one of these jackbutted idiots starts talking about Texas seceding, I want to holler, “Hell, we’re gonna be expelled first!”

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

Okay, let’s go to Lodi, California, where a local SWAT officer was showing his swat truck, vest, and other cool toys to little kids at a “reading roundup.”

All was going as planned until —

A Lodi Police SWAT officer had a Glock 35 with a flashlight in his thigh holster at a children’s reading event when a boy managed to pull the trigger and shoot the officer.

“It doesn’t have an external safety or anything like that,” said Lt. Sierra Brucia with the department. “The gun functioned how it was supposed to. When the trigger was pulled, the gun went off.”

Ka-bam!

The officer as shot in the leg and will be okay.  Witnesses say a small child – 6 to 8 years old – walked up to the officer and pulled the trigger.  Then apparently hitched a ride to Canada or something.

Officers want to find the child and his parents to piece together what went wrong.

“Hopefully, speaking to the child and the child’s parents to find out how they were able to get access to the officer’s gun, what the child’s intent may have been—we don’t know if it was accidental or unintentional.”

Now here’s the part that rocked my world.

Police say because the gun was in a holster to accommodate the attached flashlight, the trigger was more accessible.

Well, duh.  This is your first time around kids?