Jerry Patterson is the Texas Land Commissioner and in the cake walk of Texas politics he’s decided he needs to move up to Lt. Governor, a position being sought by 4 Tea Party Republicans who are fully prepared to cook and eat each other.

There will be blood.

The Daughters of the Republic of Texas, who run the day-to-day operation of the Alamo, have never allowed demonstrations on the Alamo grounds.  They still oppose it but they ain’t boss any more.  In 2011 the Texas Land Office took over the care, loving, and protection of the Alamo.  That would be Jerry Patterson.

Last August San Antonio police ticketed three men for “causing alarm” as they were carrying loaded semi-automatic weapons and wearing cammo at a damn Starbuck’s coffee shop.  The owner asked them to leave but they wouldn’t and customers felt threatened.  They were there to strut their weapons and scare crap outta people.

Jerry Patterson, who often fondles guns in an unseemly manner, was hacked off about it.  Add that to insatiable desire to be Lt. Gov. and you get a big damn mess at a Texas shrine.

Texas Land Commissioner Jerry Patterson, a gun-toting Republican candidate for lieutenant governor, is to headline a gun-rights rally Saturday on the state-owned Alamo grounds, where demonstrations historically have been banned — until Patterson’s office took over the shrine.

Okay, here’s the deal.  He’s head of the shine and he’s the featured speaker at the first demonstration allowed at the shine.  I dunno.  I know goats with bags of three day old crawfish who smell better than that.

It’s gonna get worse before the primary in March.  I promise.  There’s gonna be virgins sacrificed and Gods you ain’t never heard of prayed to.  This is going to be a tea partypalooza.

Thanks to Michele for the heads up.

Well, thanks a bunch Houston Chronicle.  And if I can pull my tongue out of my cheek, I’ll tell you why your big ole pile of festering idiocy makes you look even dumber than you suspect.

Click little one to get big one.

Back at election time, you endorsed Ted Cruz and now you’re sorry that you did.  Well, isn’t that special?

First off, by endorsing Ted Cruz you endorsed a man whose supporters can’t read.  Well, maybe they can read the Drudge Report but even at that their computer screens are covered in Cheetos smudge marks because they have to point at the words as they read them.  So what’s the point of endorsing a man in the damn newspaper when you’re just gonna piss off people who can, indeed, read.

Second off, hollering whoa way past the saloon door leaves you and your horse looking mighty dumb.  Did you just now notice that Ted Cruz is a box of crayons short of a full fledged kindergarten class?  You just came around to that way of thinking yesterday?  Where the hell have you been?

And on the freekin’ front page you have the unmitigated dumbassery to ask, “Coup for Cruz, At What Cost?”  Oh, I dunno, the United States of America?  Go find whoever writes things for your newspaper and fire them.  Right now.  Before they break something else.

Third off, by endorsing Cruz you have caused David Dewhurst to move from moderate to raging tea party drooler.  Well done.  Why didn’t you just go get a stick and beat all the moderates into submission?

Houston Chronicle, I hate to say I told you so, but dammit.

Thanks to Bubba for the heads up when he screamed at the newspaper this morning.

Tea Party Guys – you just gotta love them.  They can almost spell.

I’ve told y’all about Smokey Joe Barton before, the Republican congresssleeze from the Dallas area.  They call him Smokey Joe because he is owned lock, stock, and oozing waste by people who make a living polluting.

By most accounts, he is the most corrupt man in congress.  He’s the one who apologized to BP for our Gulf water diluting their their oil.

He is a card carrying member of the Tea Party caucus.

I do not know what to make of this, but it appears that he’s cashing out of the stock market.

I would say that he knows something we don’t know.  But, we do.  We know a default will be a disaster.  And the clock is ticking.

And Smokey Joe knows that, too.  He just doesn’t care.

Sarah Palin made a speech for Cory Booker’s opponent in the Senate race, a guy named Steve Lonegan who nobody has ever heard of.

Palin, a darling of the Twitter circuit herownself, criticized Booker for his Tweeting.  “We need a leader, not a tweeter,” she said.

And she remembered that rhyme because she wrote it …. on her hand.

A photographer at the event took this picture of Sarah’s hand.  It says, “Leader not tweeter.”  She was pretty much able to remember Booker’s gender all on her own.

And aren’t we dandy proud of that.

Thanks to Brian for the heads up.  I have email!

I’ve told you about my perfectly goofy State Senator Glenn Hegar.  He’s running for Texas Comptroller and what that has to do with abortion and guns is way beyond my simple understanding of what a comptroller does.

The primary duty of the comptroller’s office is to collect substantially all tax revenue owed to the State of Texas.

So, they are the tax collectors.  They don’t set the tax rate, drive the train, or blow the whistle.  They just collect the taxes.

I guess having a gun might help but I don’t suspect they’d let you use it much at work.

So Glen has a new commercial.  I want you to pay particular attention to the shot of his desk at about :35 second into this commercial and tell me whether it’s just me or should Glenn clean up his desk before someone calls Hoarders to come do it for him?

I dunno, I’m afraid he’d lose all our money in that rat’s nest.  I kinda suspect that’s why they kinda slide over it real fast.