Louie Gohmert believes that President Barack Obama is letting “evil people take over the world.”

He also believes that the only safe place left on earth is maybe Israel.

Let me tell you folks, when the United States is not around with its protective hand in the world to protect freedom and liberty and freedom from abuse, then there is no other place to go. Maybe Israel.

Oh yeah, when I want to feel real safe, I go stand next to a Jew.  I mean, nobody e-v-e-r messes with the Jews, right?

And I think this is one of them.

Only true news hounds would read to the last line of the story …

The exact motive for the assault remains under investigation, but investigators were told it involved a woman and a dog.

That’s all I need to know.

You know that if this paragraph is in a news story —

Authorities say Kramer walked out of the restaurant – without the food – and to his truck while yelling either he got free tacos or somebody would die. Investigators say the waitress locked the door after the San Antonio man drove away.

— (a) it’s going to be a good story, (b) somebody is probably going to jail, or (c) you’re going to real happy that every time you say that, it doesn’t make the newspapers.

Yeah, guy named Adam Kramer tried to get free tacos at a Mexican restaurant with a sword as a weapon.  A sword.  Thankfully, it wasn’t loaded or accidentally discharge.

Thanks to Liz for the heads up.

As you know, Ted Cruz was the only United States Senator to attend Nelson Mandela’s funeral.  I don’t know this to be true for a fact, but suspicions are high that the only reason he went was to get his picture taken with a black person.   He’s tried in the United States but even Herman Cain ran the other way.

But, there’s a bigger story.

For the life of me, I cannot figure out why Ted Cruz didn’t throw a body block to keep this from happening.

Yes, that is President Obama shaking hands with Raul Castro.  I mean, here’s democracy, freedom, and outdated foreign policy going right down the tubes and Cruz did not a damn thing to stop it.  Hell, if he wasn’t will to die for outdated foreign policy, then he doesn’t know the meaning of the word conservative.

His posse is going to be so disappointed.  Not only does he go to a funeral for a black man, he lets a commie leave alive.

Thanks to Frank for the heads up.

We appreciate Kentucky’s entry into our Fun With Guns contest.

A guy goes to the restroom in an upscale restaurant and puts his gun on top of the toilet paper roll because I guess that seems like the logical place to put it.

Of course it goes off and hits him in the leg.

The police believe his story —

Evidence such as bullet trajectory supported the man’s description of events, Neary said.

— because who the fool tarnation would make up a story like that?

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

I’m still at a party for the end of candidate filings but I just needed to tell you crazy (no, like certifiable, not just ecentric) Congressvarmint Steve Stockman suddenly withdrew from his congressional race in the GOP primary and filto to run against Senator John Cornyn.

I cannot wait for the debate.  This will be epic!  Stockman is a Tea Party Darling.

Sorry – gotta run.

Okay, if you want to know the stuff on Stockman, Mother Jones did a better job than I could ever do.

Here’s the best part.  Stockman says he’s running because Cornyn doesn’t walk lockstep with Ted Cruz.  So, every crazy thing that Stockman says rubs off on Cruz.  And, I’m betting ten dollars cash American money that Cruz and Cornyn will be in a runoff to prolong this free entertainment.

And you people in foreign states can watch from the cheap seats at Juanita Jean’s.