Slick.  Darrell Issa is so damn slick that he can’t keep his socks up.  He is one mustache away from being Snidely Whiplash.

I cannot understand how this man got elected to anything since he’s slicker that a bull snake dipped in hot butter.  Y’all, he would tie Miss Nell to the railroad tracks and then go smoke a big ole cigar and drink a glass of merlot with his pinkie finger in the air.

That guy sends my creep meter so high that you could jumpstart a nuclear submarine with it.

Darrell was a big ole bully and shut off Elijah Cummings microphone in a hearing before the congress of the United Damn States of America.

And this is the apology he issued.

Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit.

You damn patronizing snot-nosed smirking botoxed ignorant fool.  You bring your prissy little California butt down here to this beauty salon and attempt to shut off my microphone and I will show you a hissy fit, Slick.  When I get through with you your grandchildren will be born shaking.

Hissy fit, my patootie.

Elijah Cummings should have pounded you over the head with a leather bound copy of the Constitution that had a brick attached by accident.

Darrell, you are a slimy sumbitch.  Right after you “apologized” to Elijah in a private phone conversation, you prance your hiney on Fox News and speak your true heart —

During a Fox News interview Thursday evening, Issa showed no remorse, ridiculing Cummings for his outburst.

“Do you apologize to Congressman Cummings?” asked Megyn Kelly.

“You know, I broke no rules and he broke the decorum of the House,” Issa said. “I did things according to the rules. I followed a script, and then Mr. Cummings decides to have quite a hissy fit.”

Pull your socks up, Congressman.

Yeah, you were in the right and he was in the wrong.

And one more thing.  Decorum?  Really?  Let me tell you something.  Right now the House of Representatives has less decorum than your average plastic flower arrangement.

Really? You really mean this?

President Obama’s “potency?” Really?

Obama — the perception of him and his potency across the world — is one of such weakness,” Palin said. “Lookit, people are lookin’ at Putin as one who wrestles bears and drills for oil. They look at our president as one who wears mom jeans and equivocates and bloviates.

Potency? Really?

Yeah, I just loved it when Bush and Putin killed Osama bin Laden. Did they do it with their shirts off?

And Sarah, your new hairdo is just creepy.

I know that Houston is way down south and it takes a while for trends to get there, but a woman took this whole “accidentally shot” thing out for a test drive.

It’s 10:00 at night and the police get called to a house where they find a dead man with a shotgun blast to his chest along with his ex-girlfreind who was in the process of moving out because they had a fight that day.

Police said the woman was moving boxes and other items when a shotgun went off, wounding the man.

The woman also told police she was moving out due to an argument she had with her boyfriend earlier in the day.

I simply cannot tell you how many times my shotgun has discharged all on its own while I was picking up a box.  And even with 360 degrees all around it, it always manages to find that 10 degrees that someone I just had a fight with occupies.  Damnest thing you ever saw.

The police were apparently unimpressed with this act of God.  They took her downtown for questioning.

Then there’s this.

Anyone with information in this case is urged to contact the HPD Homicide Division.

I dunno.  I heard that Rice University has some pretty good physicists.  Maybe they have information.

Thanks to Bobbie for the heads up.

How you know that CPAC has officially become a parody of itself?  Honey, they have taken that train off the rails.

They think Grover Norquist is a member of the Muslim Brotherhood.

Doesn’t look so bad now, does he?

On February 11, 2014, ten influential national security practitioners– including former Congressman Allen West, former Attorney General Michael Mukasey, former federal prosecutor Andrew McCarthy, former CIA Director Jim Woolsey, former Pentagon Inspector General Joseph Schmitz and others– sent a letter to American Conservative Union board member Cleta Mitchell, urging her and her colleagues to take action against Grover Norquist and Suhail Khan, two ACU members who have for years been running influence operations against conservatives on behalf of the Muslim Brotherhood and other Islamist causes.

Personally, I think they are on a quest to insure that history remembers Joe McCarthy as “not such a bad dude.”

Thanks to Chloe Bear for the heads up.

Although in the senate race he got beat on the head so badly that he has to unzip his pants to see out, Steve Stockman swears he’ll be back.  Kinda just like the black plague.

“We had fun, and we’ll probably do statewide again,” Stockman said in an interview with the Dallas Morning News on Wednesday, less than 24 hours after the Texas primary where Stockman received what might conservatively be called a shellacking against Sen. John Cornyn (R-TX) in the Republican primary.

Frankly, getting arrested again for valium in your pants sounds a lot more productive, fun, and promising.  And it would certainly get more positive press coverage than his political career did.

We here at The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc., are going to miss Steve.  We’d love to see him go to work as an aide for Louie Gohmert or Lady Gaga.

Tom DeLay has finally found work.  I know.  It was scary there for a while.  We were kinda scared he’d be living on the streets, stealing blankets from old people.

The Washington Times is a written Fox news.  The newspaper was founded and owned by the Rev. Sun Myung Moon of the Unification Church, who by all accounts, ruled the editorial position of the newspaper.

And now, they have hired Tom DeLay.

Tom DeLay, once one of the most powerful officials in Washington, will join The Washington Times as a weekly columnist and radio personality.

Starting this week, Mr. DeLay will appear on a weekly on-demand radio show with Andy Parks, who separately hosts “Live from the Washington Times” on WRC AM-1260 on weekdays. Mr. DeLay’s 30-minute program will be streamed on the Kaliki-based, on-demand radio network that was recently established in partnership with The Times.

Mr. DeLay will elaborate on the themes he develops on air into a weekly column for The Times.

Hey, it’s a step down from Dancing With the Stars, but a step up from stealing kids’ lunch money, his former job.

Thanks to Jay for the heads up and John for the graphic.