Texas Democratic Congressman, Pete Gallago from the bustling metropolis of Alpine, Texas, which is so far out there that they don’t get the Today show until tomorrow, found himself on an airplane with a 3 year old who began choking on his chicken nuggets.

The child’s mother, who was also tending to her six month old, realized what was happening and began screaming for help.

Bubba and Pete, when nobody was chokin’

Gallego is father himself, so he did the maneuver and …

Gallego put one hand on the kid’s back, and the other on his sternum. “I knew what was going to happen, so I aimed him forward,” he said. But at the critical moment, Cash turned to look at the congressman. “I ended up with chicken nuggets on my chest.”

Now, just think.  If that had been Louie Gohmert, the kid would have been forced to show his birth certificate, proof of insurance, and signed a thousand word oath that he is not a terror baby.  Even then, Gohmert would have prayed over him for half an hour before doing anything.

So, lesson learned.  If you’re ever on an airplane with a child, be sure to sit next to a Texas Democratic congressman.  (They are gonna love me for that, aren’t they?)

Look, just because Grant gave Lee his sword back should not encourage you to start fighting again.

Michael Peroutka, a Republican nominee for city council in Maryland attended a League of the South convention in Alabama and was one of the key speakers.  The League of the South is a secessionist group.  Peroutka also serves on the Maryland Republican Central Committee.

Peroutka generated controversy after winning the GOP nomination because he believes that the current U.S. and state governments are no longer valid, and should be destroyed by secession or other means.

“You need to secede and then you need to have the biblical understanding of law and government, and make the applications,” Peroutka told the League of the South in 2012. “So we need to take the biblical understand of law and government into account no matter what the outcome is with respect to the crumbling of the current regime.”

Translation:  There is a black man in the White House, dammit.

And then, to make his loyalties perfectly clear…

At the conclusion of his nearly hour-long talk, Peroutka asked the audience to rise and sing the “national anthem.”

But instead of “The Star-Spangled Banner,” Peroutka led them to sing “Dixie,” the de facto anthem of the Confederacy during the Civil War.

Look away Dixieland, my big blue butt.  I know treason when I see it.

There’s a phrase among real Americans in the South that means somebody is just goofing off, being lazy, and not accomplishing anything:  They are “whistling Dixie.”  If someone says, “You ain’t just whistling Dixie,” that means they are getting important work done or that they have spoken the truth.

Take heed, League of the South.  You’re whistling Dixie.

Y’all, this is an honest-to-goodness Rick Perry Facebook ad.  I did not change a thing.  This is how he wants the public to view him.  This is the image he wants carved into the side of Mt. Rushmore.

Click the little one to get the big one.

I swear he’s gonna put his eye out with that thing.

Look, even the guy standing next to him is trying not to laugh.

The members of the Wee Winkie Club, also known as Open Carry Texas, are a group of unfortunate looking men who parade around – legally in Texas – with long guns.  Oddly, you do not have to have a permit to carry a long gun.  You can be crazy as a brickbat and still be allowed to walk around with a shotgun or a semi-automatic weapon.

That just doesn’t seem right.

So when Open Carry Texas did one of their many open-carry events, where they parade around admiring each other’s “weapons” and attempt to scare crap out of passing cars, they were met with middle aged almost-bare-naked ladies.

Really.

It is legal to go topless in Austin, Texas, which doesn’t seem right either but does lead to far more fun than guns.

The ladies were trying to make the point that just because something is legal doesn’t mean you ought to do it.   That reasoning, of course, went right over the head of the ammosexuals.  They referred to the ladies as “skanky topless libtards.”

I can see how they make that judgement, being as how they are all such hunka hunka burnin’ loves.

And no skanky here at the Phi Beta Kappa event.

You know what I love almost best about Texas?  We have so damn many ladies with a damn sense of humor to make up for those who have none.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

I love my real-life friend Pam.  We play politics together.  We also point and laugh a lot.

Bubba asked for Pam’s help with a local political project because he looked up one day to see that he and two other old white guys were trying to make a decision on door hangers.   Pam, who is African American, calls them The OWGs.  Old White Guys. It has kinda stuck, in a loving way.

All OMG aren’t so lovable.

Big, long, worth your time story about a study of gun violence.

Counter to what Republicans are claiming, gun violence is way down in Texas and California.  Both states are down more than double any other state.  Now this is kinda odd since California has very strict gun control laws and Texas has none.  Hell, we give you a gun to hold when you visit the state capitol.

So, what’s causing the decrease in gun violence in those two states and New York?

In past decades, California, New York and Texas’ young Latino men ages 10 to 24 suffered twice the risk of being killed by guns than white, non-Hispanic men aged 40 and older. After enormous population growth, young Hispanic men today are substantially less at risk from guns than older white men.

And why are older white men more at risk?

Despite its Wild West image, Texas’ big gun problem today is not drug-running immigrants, home-invading thugs or vigilantes incited by pro-gun laws. Increasingly, it’s middle-aged white men shooting themselves.

So, there’s hope for Rick Perry and Sean Hannity.

Pam is making an effort to distinguish our OWGs from their OWGs, by re-naming their’s DAWGs – Dumb Ancient White Guys.

 Thanks to Bunny for the heads up.

Let’s say you’re a state representative in … oh, Washington State.  And let’s say you’re planning on moving to, oh I dunno, Ohio.

And now let’s say that state officials in Washington State, where you are drawing a salary as a state representative, discover that you’ve already sold your house and registered to vote in Ohio.

Nobody would be that dumb, right?

Wrong.

We’re talking Republican greedy and dumb.

Republican state Rep. Mike Hope resigned Thursday after it was revealed he’s been registered to vote in two states, Washington and Ohio, since last summer.

But there’ a semi-explanation.

A former Seattle police officer, he now works as a financial adviser with Morgan Stanley. He’s in the midst of a three-year training program that has him traveling to Ohio and New York.

Hope claims he didn’t know he’d registered to vote in Ohio when he simply moved his driver’s license there.  Moving your driver’s license to Ohio must be pretty normal for Washington State house members.

By the way, he also has a budding movie career, so he can undoubtedly pay back his salary.

Thanks to Larry for the heads up.