Honey, if you think Ted Cruz is a jerk, you ain’t met his daddy.  Daddy Cruz came to the US in 1957 at the age of 18.  He waited 48 years before becoming a United States citizen which kinda tells you something about his devotion – or lack thereof – to this country.

Daddy Cruz has recently become a minister in Carrollton, Texas.  He’s big on pick-and-chose Bibles.

Cruz said it was time for Christians to become the “salt and light” of the world, and he chastised pastors for not preaching about the sanctity of marriage and the chastity of teenagers. He accused pastors of ignoring important social issues.

Cruz added that churches should make sure “everybody in every congregation has voter’s guides that share clearly how candidates of both parties are voting on biblical issues.”

Biblical issues?  Jesus said nothing about abortion or gay marriage but he did say a lot about kindness and not judging people, which kinda makes Ted seem like he’s not right with scriptures.  I dunno.  The whole thing seems about as likely as cow patties in a Carrollton, Texas, three car garage.

You know how Democrats think that letting the refugee children into America and feeding them is the correct thing to do?

Republicans don’t see it that way.  They are calling it a War on Whites.

Representative Mo Brooks from the state of Aladamnbama is pitching himself a rich white boy snot nosed hissy fit.

“This is a part of the war on whites that’s being launched by the Democratic Party. And the way in which they’re launching this war is by claiming that whites hate everybody else,” he said during an interview Monday with conservative radio host Laura Ingraham. “It’s part of the strategy that Barack Obama implemented in 2008, continued in 2012, where he divides us all on race, on sex, greed, envy, class warfare, all those kinds of things. Well that’s not true.”

Yeah, he’s pretty much right.  We kinda think that people other than old rich white boys should hold public office or have a chance of success in America.

Yu know how you know that you have too much money?  If words like “class warfare” scare the poop outta you.  If envy and greed are only okay for you.  If whatever is “all those kinds of things” keeps you awake at night.  That’s how you know you have too much money.

Okay, so Governor Rick Perry is hinting that “other individuals” will soon be along the Texas border to “secure it.”  Nobody seems to know who those “other individuals” are and I pretty much think that everybody is afraid to ask.

The Texas Democratic congressfolks have asked Attorney General Greg Abbott to please, please, please not let Rick Perry send a bunch of guys with survivalist equipment that they are just hopped up ready to use, because we’re pretty sure that’s exactly what he’s pondering on doing.

As recently as this weekend, Perry is still insisting that “over 3,000 homicides by illegal aliens over the course of the last six years” is a dead solid true statement but it’s absolutely not.

So when he was confronted to come up with facts to explain why he keeps saying something that everybody knows is 100% wrong, Perry had this answer:

“And let me go back to those numbers,” Perry told Crowley. “You know, what is the — what are the number of — I do stand by them, by the way, but what are the number of homicides that are acceptable to those individuals? How many sexual assaults do we have to have before the president of the United States and Washington, D.C., acts to keep our citizens safe?”

Duh.  Double dog duh.  How many Texans have to be killed by a gun held by a United States citizen before Rick Perry acts?  Apparently a freekin’ lot.

How many children have to die without health care before Governor Rick Perry accepts federal funds for Medicaid?  A bunch.

Rick Perry should be the last bullfrog on earth asking quantitive questions.

Just say Oops.

Y’all what the hell is he wearing?  Is that a life jacket or papal vestments?

I think he’s signaling drones with his dome.

No, seriously what the hell is he wearing?

Please note that they won’t take the boat away from the dock with Louie aboard.

How do you say the i word without saying the i word?  Oh, issuing a warning to President Obama is a good place to start.

Republican congressfool Steve King from the vast plains of Iowa up and decided to say the i word without actually doing so.

Rep. Steve King (R-IA) pleaded with President Barack Obama over the weekend not to force the House of Representatives to begin impeachment hearings by taking executive action on reforming the immigration process after Congress failed to do so.

Kings says that if President Obama stops the deportation of 11 million then congress has no choice. “I think Congress has to sit down and have a serious look at the rest of this Constitution, and that includes that i-word that we don’t want to say.”

So, if they start impeachment proceedings, it’s Obama’s fault.  He made them do it.  They couldn’t do anything else.  They had to impeach him.  They didn’t want to but Obama gave them no choice.  Well, I guess they could hold their breath instead, but nahhh …. that doesn’t get headlines.  I guess they could go to lunch instead of impeaching but they can’t agree on where to go.

See?  They HAVE to impeach him.

Altogether now, 3…2…1… it’s Obama’s fault.

And, while we’re talking about Steve King, I need to tell you that he did something else to hack me off.

So, he gets on the electric teevee and preaches against Dreamers.  And the son of a motherless goat says, “Well, not all Dreamers are valedictorians.”

Well, I would listen to this old goat except for the fact that he attended Northwest Missouri State University (whose motto is “we’ve never heard of you either”) majoring in being a “wildlife officer.”  He dropped out before getting a degree .  So, let’s not be talking about valedictorians, Mr. Dropout.

Maybe all Dreamers aren’t valedictorians but they are all of “good moral character,” which is more than Steve King can say.  King voted against legislation opposing dogfight and cock fighting.

He makes my butt hurt.

Rick Perry is wildly crazy about Israel.  He’s not crazy about Israelis, just the country Israel.  He’s a Baptist and Baptist don’t believe that Jews are going to heaven unless they accept Jesus as their personal savior.  Or, as in Rick’s case, as their own personal weapon.

Today, Rick announced that killing unarmed children was really okay because “Hamas was using them as human shields.”

“But when we have a fairly good understanding that Hamas is actually using their citizens as shields, at that particular point in time, it loses a lot of the the power, if you will, from my perspective,” the Texas Republican continued.

Since when is dehumanizing children —God’s creation—an acceptable Christian view?

Let me see if I have this straight:  It’s not okay to have an abortion after a rape or incest, but it is okay to kill children if they are being victimized by adults.

Oddly, Palestine Christians are direct descendants of the first Christians.

Rick Perry, listen up:  Blessed are the damn peacemakers.  They shall be called the children of God.  Are you sleeping in church, you damfool?

Thanks to Monty for the heads up.