Okay, only because it’s really not a party until Louie Gohmert shows up with the Goofy Keg, Louie weighed in.  Of course, he’s very concerned.

Tea party darling Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX) on Tuesday demanded that the U.S. military alter a planned training exercise that some conspiracy theorists believe is cover for a possible takeover of the Lone Star state.

What Louie is demanding they change is the pretend designation that Texas is a pretend hostile pretend county.  Because pretending is real close to being dog butt serious.

“Once I observed the map depicting ‘hostile,’ ‘permissive,’ and ‘uncertain’ states and locations, I was rather appalled that the hostile areas amazingly have a Republican majority, ‘cling to their guns and religion,’ and believe in the sanctity of the United States Constitution,” Gohmert said in the statement.

Yeah, that was the plan.  And Louie says that just looking at that map would make people suspicious of Texas.

Hellfire, Louie, everybody is already suspicious of Texas, and it has to do with you.  Louie, you need to pretend to be sane for a while.

And next we have WalMart.

WalMart issued a statement his morning:

The tunnels are part of a series of conspiracy theories surrounding “Jade Helm 15,” a military training operation set to take place later this year in seven Western states. The conspiracy theorists have said the operation may be part of a covert attempt to takeover Texas and other states.

On more thing.  If you watch the Jon Stewart clip, at about 6:58 you see a guy with his head in his hands being the punch line to the insane speakers.  You know that guy!  Remember when you guys all pitched in and helped Democrats in Bastrop after wildfires ate their homes?  And we sent the money to Barbara, the Democratic County Chair in Bastrop?  That’s Barbara and her husband!  Right there on Jon Stewart!

See, you have friends in high places with their heads in their hands!

When Chuck Norris joins the Goofyfest of people warning us about Jade Helm, Jon Stewart takes on both Jade Helm and Muhammed cartoon contests.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PsfoDp2Vx8I

What would Rick Perry do?

Thanks to everybody and their Aunt Matilda for the heads up.

The Mayor of Georgetown, Texas, accidentally leaves his microphone on while he … uh, excuses himself.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sRHVIcesOH4

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

Okay, so here’s the deal.  A big ole giant asteroid is coming on September 24th, 2015.

The government knows about it but is keeping it a secret (apparently not very well) to keep everybody from panicking.

Following a series of warnings from doomsday prophets, there is increasing convergence of opinion among believers that an asteroid apocalypse will occur in September, 2015.

But while governments with privileged information are allegedly keeping the information secret, the “elite” are preparing secretly to survive the catastrophe, according to conspiracy theorists.

Yep, those damn “elites” are at it again.

It’s going to hit Puerto Rico.  More details are here.

I do not know if President Obama caused this astroid but I pretty much figure he did because he needs to hide his real birth certificate and a jumbo raging fiery inferno would do the trick.

So, even if you do make it through Jade Helm, there’s this sucker.   And you will need more and bigger guns to fight this thing.  Maybe even your own nuke.

There ain’t enough tin foil in the world, Honey.

by Primo Encarnación

I once became an elected official in the town where I grew up. I don’t know how things work, elsewhere, but all this anti-tax nutjobbery severely hurt us through time. It did, as its proponents promise, encourage creativity in stretching our ever-shrinking dollars, but not in good ways. Instead of re-paving streets on a schedule that would take 16 years to do the whole town, we extended that to 22 years.   We used referenda to float bond issues, which sometimes lost, resulting in crumbling schools and “temporary” classrooms in sweltering trailers. We entered into an agreement with those infamous “red light” camera folks, whereby we got free cameras and part of the revenue – only part! – there from.

All these deals with various devils bought us some measure of annual budget comfort, but shutting off the spigots and mandating balanced budgets left us with zero governing comfort as our rainy day fund balances disappeared.

This was partly ameliorated where I lived by the real-estate boom of the 1990s, but consider the position today of all the towns that rely on property taxes to provide basic services in the wake of the bust. And those who rely on sales or income taxes as real incomes fall among the taxees. There’s no margin of error. Once the economy takes one of the dives that are inevitable in the boom-and-bust cycle of unregulated supply-siderism, then the crippled town budgets fall to pieces, as do the towns.  It’s the vicious cycle of Reagonomics, which deserves burial alongside himself.

Police departments, too, were faced with the same difficulty of providing services while making ends meet. Homeland security provided a great way for police departments to cowboy up on items like body armor, armored cars and armor-piercing bullets. But when it came to paying actual salaries, putting cops in cars, on foot, on bikes or even on horses in trouble-prone areas, the ounce of prevention was more expensive than the shit-ton of cure that a SWAT visit entails.

Which is why it comes as no surprise that the Police Executive Research Forum (PERF) came to the same conclusion. Their recently released report about St. Louis County (think Ferguson) says an “inappropriate and misguided mission has been thrust upon the police in many communities: the need to generate large sums of revenue for their city governments.”

Which surprised PERF, apparently. They were shocked, SHOCKED, I say! to find out of control law enforcement balancing city books on the backs of the poor (like everyone else in the oligarchy.) “PERF has never before encountered what we have seen in parts of St. Louis County.”

Then they haven’t been looking.

This cheesecake fresh from the oven.

The Arizona Republic reports that when the family in Scottsdale, Ariz., pulled their dessert out of the oven, it cracked as it cooled and formed a crucifix.

The family members, who have not given their names publicly, say the crucifix is a message.

The family calls it a “holiday miracle.”

Yeah, okay, but I think the real message is that you can’t cook for crap.

Thanks to Barbie for the heads up.