This was Mike Huckabee’s answer to a question about him selling snake oil on teevee as a diabetes cure.

Okay, if you’re a Baptist, like Mike Huckabee, you believe that God has two books.  The Book of Life and the Book of Remembrances.  God writes stuff down in these books so that when you died, he can remember stuff.

“For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil” — Ecclesiastes 12:14

If you’re a Baptist, like Mike Huckabee, you believe that you stand before God and the Devil argues against letting you into Heaven.

And there shall in no wise enter into it any thing that defileth, neither whatsoever worketh abomination, or maketh a lie: but they which are written in the Lamb’s book of life — Revelation 21:27.

So yeah, Mike, you kinda do.

Also, if you’re a Republican, like Mike Huckabee, you’re supposed to be the party of personal responsibility.

Thanks to Craig for the heads up.

I figure that since I live in Texas, I might as well be your foreign correspondent on Obama Taking Over Texas for No Good Reason At All.

Read for yourself a typical Facebook post from a patriot.  Click the little one to see the big one.

There were 71 comments to that post and only one expressed any questions about why this guy didn’t bleed when shot or why were they there in the first place.  The men in black are now with Jade Helm?

And if you’re wondering why this wasn’t reported on CNN, there’s an answer for that.  Click the little one to get … oh hell, just click it.

Yep, that’s all 5 people in the new media.

And then there are those having fun with it.

My daughter-in-law is pretty certain that there’s no such thing as a live armadillo.  And the reason she’s certain is that she’s never seen a live one.  The only armadillos she has ever seen are belly up in the middle of the road.  She figures that somebody with nothing better to do, which pretty much includes everybody in the towns of Pleak, Pasadena, and Pine, runs out and puts these fake dead animals in the roadway just to mess with our minds.  Or maybe they are just born dead.  I dunno.

Anyway, there’s a guy named Guy who has the inside scoop.  He has heard the report that a well-trained militia of Kamikaze Armadillos is the first line of defense in Texas.

“There’s no way we can win a conventional war, not even with the Texas Guard, Chuck Norris and Ted Nugent on our side,” said Derringer, who called himself the five-star brigadier general of the Volunteer Army of the Republic of Texas. “And it’s damn near impossible to fight a successful guerilla campaign without jungles like ‘Nam or mountains like ‘Stan—so we aim to get creative.”

Yes, you guessed it, they are arming armadillos for underground warfare …

“We read about the secret tunnels beneath Wal-Marts, the ones they’ll use for re-education camps,” Derringer said. “One tunnel plus one armadillo equals no more tunnels and a lot more freedom.”

It’s a plan so crazy that it just might work.

Thanks to Laura and Guy for the heads up.

There’s a new NBC/WallStreet Journal poll out that I flat love.

More Americans feel comfortable with a presidential candidate who identifies as gay or lesbian than with one who identifies as an evangelical Christian, according to a new poll.

The results revealed that Americans are actually quite open to having a gay presidential candidate. Sixty-one percent said they would be either enthusiastic about or comfortable with a gay or lesbian candidate, while only 37 percent said they would have reservations or be uncomfortable.

I imagine that’s mixed news for Rick Perry.

Thanks to Charles for the heads up.

So, Bubbie, you’re in a big damn hurry and you forget that you have a gun strapped to your hip.  Happens all the time, right? Especially when you’re in a big damn hurry to catch a flight to Vegas or Gulfport, Mississippi.

Well, the Texas Legislature has a cure for you!

Republican Rep. Drew Springer’s measure would protect a licensee from being arrested if he or she is caught in security with a handgun and immediately leaves the area.

So, you’re good to shoot somebody or even everybody until you get to the TSA booth, and by then, hell, you can take over the airport.

In the Lone Star State, it seems almost as common for travelers in airport security lines to forget they are carrying a handgun as it is for them to fail to take off their belts or shoes; Texas leads the U.S. in gun confiscations in airport security checks.

Texas airports confiscated 350 guns last year alone.  That means every damn day a Texan forgets he is armed.  That’s 350 Texans who aren’t gonna be any damn help at all when Obama comes to take over Texas because these gun-toting patriots have no idea they are gun-toting.  They’ll let you be herded to the Walmart secret tunnels before they remember they have a large handgun on their hip and by then it’s no help at all because it’s dark in those tunnels.

And what brought all this Guns For Free at airports stuff?

In 2013, Rep. Drew Darby was arrested in Austin after officers found a loaded pistol in his carry-on luggage that he said he’d forgotten about.

Yep, shirt check, tie check, laptop check, bag of Cheetos check, .357 check and forget.

You know what I wonder?  Does this also apply to Muslims or just white guys?  And exactly how man guns can you forget you have if you get caught?

Thanks to AlanInAustin for the heads up.

The good news is that Sheldon Adelson may have to pay lawyers all his money to keep his gaming license instead of giving it to Republicans.

In a plot more jumbled than a bushel basket of wire coat hangers, Adelson is being accused of being in an organized crime syndicate with China.  Yeah, the country.

Some former employees of Adelson’s highly profitable casinos on Macau are saying that he made unholy deals with Chinese officials, the triads, and organized crime.  Sheldon was on the stand in a Las Vegas courtroom for four days.

By the time the hearing was over, Adelson had argued with the judge, contradicted the evidence of his own executives and frustrated his lawyers by revealing more information than he was required to in response to simple yes or no questions. But most importantly, far from laying the allegations against his Las Vegas Sands conglomerate to rest, the billionaire’s answers threw up yet more questions which he is likely to have to return to court to answer.

Yep, that’s our Sheldon.  Yakkity, yak.

And to make matters worse for Sheldon …

But if the judge rules that the case belongs in an American court, then the 81-year-old billionaire will face some difficult questions raised by his testimony. Those are likely to be reinforced by internal company documents obtained by the Investigative Reporting Program (IRP) at the University of California, Berkeley, which appear to undermine some of Adelson’s statements in the witness box.

Yet Republican presidential candidates come to Vegas to kiss his ring and by ring I mean patootie.

Something tells me that this is gonna get funner.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

Over in Georgia, a high school principal screwed up the graduation program by leaving off the valedictorian’s speech.  When people began to leave, thinking the program as over, the principal took to the stage and ordered people back in their seats.

When they didn’t readily return, she made a fool of herself.  She hollered, “Look who’s leaving … all the black people.”

Oooooooookay.

Graduation was pretty much over after that.

She stood by her guns that night but the next day, she decided to apologize.

In a fleeting moment of frustration, “the devil” — and not deep-seated racial prejudice — prompted a Georgia high school principal to make racial remarks at a graduation ceremony on Friday.

Yep, she really did.  The devil made her do it.

By email she told the parents, “The devil was in my house and came out of my mouth.”

Hell, even the devil didn’t believe that.

Thanks to chloe bear for the heads up.