You know how Texas is facing the worst flood since Noah built an ark?

Well, hell, it’s because we’ve all gone Sodomite.  And we have witches.  Lotsa them.

She claims the Valley didn’t flood because they shut down all their abortion clinics.  Well, that there is some caca del toro.  The Valley did flood.

I personally think it was because God finally got around to Rick Perry’s wish list and just kinda went overboard because he figured he owed Rick some interest on that account.

Or El Nino.  I’m just saying.  Could be El Nino.

Thanks to Carl for the heads up.

Get this —

Republicans in the Senate appear to have blocked a measure to outlaw texting while driving, saying the law would be unenforceable and infringes on personal liberties.

Yeah, but transvaginal ultrasounds don’t.

That just how we roll in Texas.

How about the seat belt law, speed limits, mandatory insurance, mandatory car seats for babies, state required auto inspections?  Liberty!  Dammit!  We need us some more liberty!

With Open Carry, Campus Carry, and even a new law with this little thing in it —

What’s called ‘Constitutional Carry’ in Texas was a sure thing to pass but because of the idiot amendment slipped in at the last minute forbidding police from requesting to see a gun owner’s license if they are open carrying a firearm, police chiefs are urging Gov. Greg Abbott to veto the legislation.

— all we need is the craziest man in Texas running stuff.

Kory Watkins, who appears to be unemployed and mildly hysterical, is a full time gun toter.  He stuck his foot in the office door of Texas House Representative Pancho Nevarez, a Democrat who opposes open carry, and threatened his life.  Hence, the #FootInDoor tag on his posts.

Now he’s not stopping at Poncho.

From his Facebook page —

Y’all, really.  When this session is over, I’m gonna so damned relieved that Republicans have to pack up their crazy and take it home with them.

Thanks to Heather for the heads up.

Just  just heard on the electric teevee that former Republican House Speaker Dennis Hastert has been indicted.

A statement from the U.S. attorney’s office in Chicago says the 73-year-old Illinois Republican is accused of structuring the withdrawal of $952,000 in cash in order to evade the requirement that banks report cash transactions over $10,000. He’s also accused of lying to the FBI.

Let me tell you the last time I saw Dennis Hastert.  It was on January 11, 2011, when he was the sole character witness at Tom DeLay’s sentencing hearing in Austin, Texas.  Hastert said that DeLay was never motivated by power, but that he just liked to help people.  Snickering could be heard throughout the courtroom.

Hastert arrived just as the court was called to order and left immediately after his testimony, obviously and openly trying to avoid DeLay.

I wonder if DeLay will testify for him?

UPDATED:  Holy cow!  Holy cow!  Check this out:

Around 2010, Hastert met with the person several times and discussed past misconduct by Hastert. Eventually, Hastert agreed to pay the person $3.5 million in compensation and to conceal unspecified misconduct, the indictment said.

Hastert is a former wrestling coach.  What possible “past misconduct” could we be talking about?

The meeting to arrange the payoff was in 2010, so when Hastert testified for DeLay’s character he was already agreeing to be extorted for $3.5 million.  Honey, whatever he did must have been a doozy.

Republicans.  I hate them.

Odds are a tad better than average that my small town is gonna flood this weekend from the rising Brazos River.  So, I’ve spent this morning gathering together important papers and some family heirlooms and putting them in the back of my car in laundry baskets.  Bubba’s office is an old house pretty close to The River so he’s packing stuff up and backing up all the computers.

Yeah, it’s just awful but it’s just stuff so neither of us is freaking out.  There’s plenty of stuff.  Our neighbors, all Republicans, are.

We are trying to decide if they are freaking out over their stuff or the idea that they might have to take help from President Obama.  So, I sent an email to the White House and offered the President our front porch for his announcement of aid to Texas.  I’ll buy streamers, hire a band, and everything.

I’ll let y’all know how it goes.  Don’t fret.  We’ll be fine.

Watch how he does this with a straight face but emphasizes the word “federal.”

We really need a picture of Greg Abbott and Ted Cruz with a FEMA truck.

Yeah, the same Ted Cruz who voted against Hurricane Sandy relief.

I think the President needs to come to Texas and personally hand out FEMA funds and drive a few tractors to do the clean-up.  Then have a dinner and serve up a big ole heaping plate of crow.