We’ll be watching the ballgame and then taking barbeque to Momma.

Stay safe and meet me back here tomorrow.

Y’all remember Cecil Bell.

Cecil is a high school graduate who thinks arithmetic is for sissies.  He’s a Republican State Representative and he’s nuts.

Cecil has a big announcement coming next week.  He’s been hinting that he’s going to run for speaker of the Texas house.

I’ll be damned.  Look here what he says.

Bell spent Thursday morning promoting a Monday announcement for a “PACT for Constitutional Restoration of State Sovereignty.”

He said because of recent US Supreme Court decisions, including the one regarding same-sex marriage, he will unveil a “plan of action to restore the constitutional sovereignty of our states and of our people.”

The boy’s talking about secession.  Seriously.  And the best part?

“Everyone that I have talked to contends that they are very frustrated and don’t know what to do,” Bell said. “I find on this subject that we are largely devoid of leadership.”

Well, yeah, the pro-ebola subject is also devoid of leadership and, like secession, it does not need none at all.  And Cecil, the only people who will talk to you are those who don’t know what to do.  Hell, they most likely can’t even find dinner and don’t know what to do about it.

This guy is dumber than dog dump and about half a pretty.  This is gonna be so much fun.

Thanks to Bubba for the heads up.

We have a Republican attorney general in Texas who goes by the name of Ken Paxton.  We might be seeing that change soon as he will be known as Stinky Dwayne’s Cellmate.

The criminal investigation against Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton has taken a more serious turn, with special prosecutors now planning to present a first-degree felony securities fraud case against him to a Collin County grand jury.

Special prosecutor Kent Schaffer said Wednesday afternoon that the Texas Rangers uncovered new evidence during the investigation that led to the securities fraud allegations against the sitting attorney general.

This would not be near as much fun if —-

—Paxton was not the most arrogant man among highly arrogant men.  Honey, he can strut sitting down.

— Paxton had not advised county clerks in Texas to violate the order of the Supreme Court in gay marriage.

— Paxton had not led a life of larceny.

— Paxton had not won with straight Republican voting, defeating one of the most ethical lawyers in Texas.

— Y’all, he’s just a jerk.

So, if he’s indicted on a first degree felony, that could mean life in prison. That’s not gonna be pleasant in Texas.  Stinky Dwayne still holds a grudge against lawyers since his last divorce.

Thanks to Buff for the heads up.

Well, if they only let grumpy old white people vote, Rand Paul is a shoe-in. Honey, he has that group getting out their walkers and leaving home to go see him, even if it means the neighborhood kids might walk across their lawn.

Paul went to Nevada and met with a guy who owes us about a million dollars – Cliven Bundy.

Republican presidential candidate Sen. Rand Paul met with southern Nevada rancher Cliven Bundy on Monday during a question-and-answer session in the town of Mesquite with about 50 supporters and activists interested in land rights.

The Kentucky senator stopped at casino resorts and ballrooms Monday as part of his “Stand with Rand” tour, looking to win over small-government Republicans he believes are key to a successful result in Nevada’s February presidential caucus.

Oh sure, it’s easy to support Rand Paul for president if you want the federal government to fail because he’ll sure the hell do that. He’s the candidate for people who aren’t big on the United part of United States.

The big question seems to be whether or not his constituency will live long enough to vote in November, 2016.

Thanks to Elizabeth for the heads up.

Tom DeLay, clearly using the Royal We, wants you to know that the justice department is kinky.  Real kinky.  And only he knows about it.  Until he spilled the beans …

No, seriously, you have to watch this.  It’s a minute and 17 seconds of your life going “What the crap!”

For those of you at work —

“We’ve already found a secret memo coming out of the Justice Department,” DeLay claimed. “They’re now going to go after 12 new perversions, things like bestiality, polygamy, having sex with little boys and making that legal. Not only that, but they have a whole list of strategies to go after the churches, the pastors, and any businesses that tries to assert their religious liberty. This is coming and it’s coming like a tidal wave.”

Malzberg, who was predictably shocked by the news that Department of Justice was now going to seek to legalize things like pedophilia, asked DeLay to clarify that that was what he had just claimed and DeLay assured him that it was.

“That’s correct,” he said. “They’re coming down with 12 new perversions. LGBT is only the beginning. They are going to start expanding it to the other perversions.”

I have a friend with an interesting theory.  She says that the reason some people are so anti-sex is because they are perverted and have some really sicko sexual thoughts.  They know the beast must be tamed because they assume we all have those thoughts.  Well, there ya go.

Thanks to Kyle for the heads up.

My friend Kary grew up gay in Conroe, Texas.  That’s hard to wrap your mind around because Conroe is Redneck Mecca.  Kary went on to become a famous theater producer and is now married to Jimmie, his partner of 35 years.  This morning, Kary sent me the following story. New York City ain’t all bad, folks.

OK a quick subway story, as related by one of the dressers from “Wicked”. Spoiler alert, it has a happy ending.

When the train is crowded, we all kind of get in our bubbles and mostly keep to ourselves, a coping mechanism.

Yesterday, as sometimes happens, a subway preacher came in the dresser’s car and started laying it down. Fine, happens, listen, don’t listen, read your phone, convert, whatever; respect but not much attention.

And then, he crossed a line. “And now I want to talk about all this same sex marriage! It’s an abomination! It’s sin! It’s Satan!” And, the bubbles started breaking.

First, one person, “Shut up, man!” Then another, “That’s crap!” and then a few more joined in. The subway preacher: “You’re going to hell! Jesus hates this sin!”

Finally, somewhat spontaneously, the entire car full of strangers started chanting as one:

“GET OFF THE TRAIN! GET OFF THE TRAIN! GET OFF THE TRAIN!”

The preacher couldn’t get a hateful word in edgewise, the train pulled into a scheduled stop and…he got off. As the doors closed on him, the car of strangers cheered, high fived and went on their way.

And that’s one to grow on…

Thanks to Kary for telling me this story.