New Appointments to Lead White House Staff

Yesterday, Cheeto Jesus appointed his two top strategists for the coming January 20th Apocalypse.  What was striking about these appointments was not only their similarity – they’re both well known pigs; but also their differences – outside pig versus inside pig.  The outside pig is Steve Bannon, CEO of that den of serial liars called Breitbart “News”; the inside pig is RNC chairman and serial loudmouth, Reince Priebus.  Cheeto Jesus couldn’t have chosen a worse pair to run the White House except for maybe someone like Hannibal Lector or Freddy Krueger.  The choice of these two characters is shocking, but not surprising.

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WARNING (No really. It’s a warning.):  IF YOU ARE A LOYAL HILLARY SUPPORTER AND BELIEVED THAT SHE ONLY LOST THE ELECTION DUE TO NO FAULT OF HER CAMPAIGN OR HER OWN CONDUCT, AND WAS SOLEY A VICTIM OF MISOGYNY AND PREJUDICE AGAINST HER, PLEASE PASS OVER THIS POST.  TRUST ME. DON’T READ IT.  REALLY.  YOU WON’T LIKE IT. 

Since about 1 am on Wednesday morning I’ve been imbibing a remarkable volume of adult beverages and raging at anyone who’ll listen, including Juanita Jean, about the injustice of it all.  She has told me to get it off my chest, so here we go, like it or not. I’m wandering into a political minefield here, because I have things to say about Hillary, her campaign, and why I believe she lost the 2016 electoral vote to the worst candidate for the presidency in US history. And if you believe I’m a misogynist, you can stick that right where the sun don’t shine.  It ain’t so; I calls ’em as I sees ’em, and chromosome differences don’t count. All comments making that accusation will be deleted, no arguments. My advice in advance about this piece: Don’t like it?  Don’t read it.

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Under the wake up to a giggle flag, we have breaking news coming to my cellphone this morning.

Donald Trump is running strong in the early nominating states of Iowa and New Hampshire, according to two new NBC News-Marist polls.

Trump leads the Republican presidential field in New Hampshire, getting support from 21 percent of potential GOP primary voters. He’s followed by Jeb Bush at 14 percent, Scott Walker at 12 percent and John Kasich at 7 percent.

So this means that Trump gets center stage at the GOP debate early next month and the centerfold of Weird Hair Don’t Care monthly magazine.

And the GOP is fretting like a grandma with ten snakes in the garden and one hoe.  Molly Ball in The Atlantic says, “Trump has the Republican Party by the throat. It cannot figure out how to get rid of him.”

Yet the party has no power over Trump. He has the money, he has the press, he has the voters. If he does not feel the GOP is treating him fairly, he is considering running as an independent instead. In that case, polls indicate he would take a chunk of votes from the Republican candidate, and Hillary Clinton would win by a large margin.”

Go Donald, Go!

Trump is doing so well that the other GOP candidates have to attack him just to get any attention.  Lindsey Graham was the Nowhere Man until he attacked Trump.  Rick Perry was invisible until he called Trump a cancer on conservatism.  Whoa, I thought conservatives was a damn cancer.

In my mind, here’s the deal.  In his book, The American we Deserve, Trump explains that he supports an assault weapons ban.

I generally oppose gun control, but I support the ban on assault weapons and I support a slightly longer waiting period to purchase a gun.

He has also flipped flopped all over the place on choice.  He says he was pro-choice until he heard some “personal stories,” so we’ll tell him some other personal stories and he’ll be back pro-choice in a – excuse me – New York minute.

Best I know, he’s never been to church in his life, and people opposed to lightning strikes hope that continues.

So, here’s the deal – he opposes things the Republicans love and loves the things they oppose, except one.  He’s a damn racist.  That is the only grounds on which a Republican could support him.

The only times he gets polls boosts is when he does something racist.  President Obama’s birth certificate?  Totally racist.  Border issues?  Racist.

So, Donald Trump’s support come from racist GOP members.  And, apparently, they control the GOP right now.

Not that anydamnbody should be surprised.

 Thanks to Scott for getting me to think about this.

Y’all, Donald Trump is going to visit the Tex-Mex border.

Trump is scheduled to visit Laredo on Thursday to hold a meet and greet with the local Border Patrol union, see the border and address local law enforcement officials.

I really, really think it’s brave of him to walk into Rapeville and Crimetown.

I visit Laredo often, even though it’s 300 miles from me.  To be honest, the Democratic Party Chairman in Laredo owns a great bar so that has something to do with my regular visits.

Laredo is one of the safest towns of its size in the entire country, but it is oh dear Lord hot. In August, the odds of Trump’s hair glue melting and running down his face are better than good.

I give him 15 minutes to start an international incident.

I do not know if it comes with a rapist in the pocket.

Okay, a really delightful phenomenon has happened.

My Tell Juanita has skyrocketed due to the presidential race. So, I am going to take this time to let you know that I just don’t have time to personally answer each one of them, which really grates against my upbringing.  Momma wants me to say that I wasn’t raised that way. Southern women spend half their lives writing thank you notes.

Whether or not I use your tip depends mainly on whim. Something might hit me as funny on one day but not another. So, don’t get your feelings hurt. Sometimes I just file your heads-up and then a week or two later, go back and do something with it.

The really fun part of this is that I can forget about going to the news every morning because you guys have that covered.

For example, Lorrine asked, “Now, I know you heard Macy’s Dumped Trump, right? Can’t wait to read your take on it.”

Oh hell, I didn’t know that.  Now I do.

And Jorge felt sure I knew about Ted Cruz auditioning for The Simpsons. I didn’t. I do now.

But I am not sure I wanted to.

So, consider this a thank you and an I’m sorry all in one.  Thank you for sending them and I’m sorry I can’t use all of them.

Meanwhile, go on back and watch Ted.  I think the guy has a bright future in fictional characters.