In a curious turn today, Rootin’ Tootin’ Rick Perry was named as the author of a text to Mark Meadows titled “AGRESSIVE STRATEGY” outlining how Trump, through a compliant Mike Pence, could steal the 2020 election for himself, overturn the will of the US electorate, and return himself to the office that he had just lost in a free and fair election.  A source knowledgeable about the investigation confirms that the text was sent from Perry’s personal phone.

With the misspelled title, I can believe it was Perry who sent the text, but I don’t believe he actually authored it.  Why?  Because Rick Perry is a dumbass who’s never had an original thought during his entire career.  I can believe that a staffer or right wing operative wrote it, and Perry sent it to get Meadows attention.  Perry’s office has already denied anything to do with it…next Perry will say that his phone was hacked a’ la Anthony Weiner’s denial of his dick pic.

Besides the poor spelling, it’s totally believable that Perry sent the text.  After all, after 4 years brown nosing and groveling to Trump, Perry fully expected another 4 years on the government tit before joining the ranks of lobbyists and wanted to stay in office himself.

I think I’m going to pop some popcorn.

Thanks to Horace down at the Phillips 66 for the tip.

Former Governor for Life and seriously devoted dumbass, Rick Perry, has been named by Cheeto Jesus as Energy Secretary. That’s right, sports fans, Rootin’ Tootin Rick has your energy future in his hands.  We’ve clearly fallen down the Rabbit Hole to Teabaggin’ Screwball Hell. If it wasn’t true, it would be a great fantasy novel.

Jesus save us.

This is exactly the kind of thing that makes satire so damn hard to tell from the truth.

Asked about Trump’s critique of his candidacy, Perry challenged Trump to a pull-up contest.

The reporter prefaced by saying that Donald Trump questioned Rick Perry’s “energy, toughness, and brain power.”

Perry skipped the brain power question and went right for what’s important.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TNqTy_rpnsM

See, this crap just ruins satire for everybody.

The Third Court of Appeals in Austin tossed out the charge against Rick Perry for “coercion of a public servant,” but left the felony charge of “abuse of official capacity” viable and standing.

It’s nitpicking.  In actuality he abused his official capacity by coercing a public servant.  The one they let stand is the stronger of the two charges.

Perry calls it a win but anydamntime you have the court affirming felony charges, you haven’t won.

FYI:  There are nine justices on the Third Court.  Seven of them were elected as Republicans, one was elected as a Democrat, and one was appointed by Governor Rick Perry.  He can’t very well blame politics for this one.  He will, but then I will giggle.

Don Trump and his hair have entered the Presidential race “to make America great again.”  Yeah, like when women couldn’t vote.

UPDATE: I will admit that this is real Inside Politics and not of interest to normal people. But sometimes keeping tabs on what goes on in the smoke filled backrooms can explain what happens later in public view.

Back in March Rick Perry announced that former FEC Chairman Don McGahn will be counsel to his presidential campaign.

Former Texas governor Rick Perry is set to announce that Margaret Lauderback will serve as his national finance director and that Don McGahn will serve as his campaign counsel.

That was kinda a big deal until last night. Last night in the Washington Post —

Trump’s longtime financial advisers and Donald F. McGahn, a partner at Jones Day, have finalized the report about his finances in recent weeks as Trump has moved closer to jumping into the 2016 contest. Three people briefed on those discussions Monday requested anonymity in order to talk about the process.

Whoa, even Rick Perry’s financial advisor is two-timing him.

Then, to add some intrigue, the Washington Post dropped McGahn’s name from subsequent stories.

Trump’s longtime financial advisers have finalized the report about his assets in recent weeks as Trump has moved closer to entering the 2016 contest. Three people briefed on those discussions Monday spoke on the condition of anonymity to talk about the process.

So it pretty much looks like McGahn was one of the three anonymous sources. Oops.

Honey, when your big name campaign advisors become sources working for another candidate, you just might be a joke.

Thanks to Alfredo over at the Dairy Queen for the heads up.

Rick Perry has a new theme song.  I suspect it’s gonna go over real good at pool halls, gun stores, homes where people watch “Cops” to see their relatives, and any place where people get rip-snorting drunk.

“Rick Perry supporter, let’s protect our border,” the rap part says. “To hell with anyone who don’t believe in the USA / Rick Perry all the way.”

“I won’t back up / I don’t back down / I been raised up / To stand my ground / Take my job / But not my gun / Tax my check till I ain’t got none / ‘Cept for the good lord up above / I answer to no one,” the country part says.

“Give me my right to vote / My right to tote / The weapon of my choice, don’t censor my voice,” goes the second rap verse.

You think I’m kidding, don’t you?

With Navy Seals on each side of him, Rick Perry pretty much promised to take us to war just like every other President from Texas has because Rick Perry answers only to God.  Last I heard, God wasn’t speaking to him.

And Jon Stewart had some fun with Rick’s line of “We must do right, and risk the consequences.”

I kinda think we’re still in for some fun when I hear Rick Perry say, “There is nothing wrong in America today that a change in leadership will not make happen.” No matter how much I think about that sentence, it still gives me a loop-dee-lou headache.