Juanita feels compelled to comment on Jenny Sanford, Gov. Mark’s Sanford soon to be the Ex-Mrs. Wonderful, and her interview with Barbara Walters.

South Carolina first lady Jenny Sanford recalls how she made the “leap of faith” to marry husband Gov. Mark Sanford even though the groom refused to promise to be faithful, insisting that the clause be removed from their wedding vows.

“Honey, if a man wants to write his own marriage vows, that’s fine,” she postulates.  “However, if those vows include you being in charge of taking out the garbage, Washing the truck, and doing all the cooking,” you might want to stop meeting men under the glow of neon lights.”

She’s just saying.

Okay, so here’s the deal. Juanita knows that she’s very, very good at two things: (1) fixin’ hair, and (2) hackin’ off creepy people.

There are rules for posting at this website. They are listed in clear view and have earned the Good Beauty Salonkeeping Seal of Approval, evidenced by their own special button at the top of this page. One of those rules is that you cannot liable people. Not here. Not now.

“I am perfectly willing to get sued for saying what I want to say. However, I am not willing to get sued for what you want to say,” Juanita explains very slowly for those with understanding disabilities.

So, when Juanita hacked off some obviously unattractive people, one of them anonymously posted all over this website, beginning with this erudite comment about Juanita’s grooming habits by actually typing these words —

Yeah, you had better treat Miss Fabulous nice — it is unlikely that anyone else is interested in getting close enough to her to do so.

“Honey, Honey, Honey,” Juanita begins as she kicks off her cute little pink and black pumps and pours herself a little vino at the end of the day before she relaxes on her fainting couch to watch the news, “that statement is libelous in 14 states and  Czechoslovakia.  Look it up.”

Juanita would like for me to warn folks.  You get one shot at her.  Only one.  After that, she puts you on the “Socially Inept Goofy Guy” list and all your future comments go directly to the trash bin and nobody even sees them.

“So,” she winks, “you’re gonna have to do better than that with your one shot.”

The story about Republican Governor candidate Debra Medina reminded Juanita of something you probably need to know:  the difference between Democratic and Republican woman

It all boils down to underwear.

“Republican women,” she begins, “will wear a $1,000 suit with the tackiest old $2 WalMart underwear and a bra held together with safety pins.  I know this for a fact, and so do you.”

“On the other hand, Democratic women will confidently wear a WalMart dress with $100 unmentionables and a La Perla bra.  It’s what we do,” she explains.

Thelma once asked Juanita why she spends lots of money on delicates.   “Juanita, why waste your money on something that nobody sees?”

“I see it,” she shouted back.  “And that’s the whole point.  I treat Miss Fabulous with all the care she deserves.  I know it’s there.  I know it looks great.”

Juanita suspect that’s why neither Sarah Palin’s or Debra Medina’s shopping ventures included the important items.   “I think,” she opines, “that their underwear is too tight and that makes them cranky, but it could also be that their thinkin’ mechanism has a kink in the hose.”

Juanita would like to announce that she’s running for office.  She will represent you well and won’t lie unless absolutely necessary.  Send her some damn money!

GOP governor’s candidate Debra Medina spent $2,437 on clothing for herself from her political donations, generally considered an ethics no-no. The state Ethics Commission has issued opinions, following the law that campaign contributions can’t be converted to personal use of a candidate. On clothing, the rule of thumb is that shoes, dresses, suits and whatnot would only be appropriate for a campaign appearance and couldn’t be converted to everyday wear.

Medina’s folks said all that was taken into consideration. She went to Dillards, Nordstroms, The Limited and a few other places to pick up clothing for her campaign stops. Campaign manager Penny Langford Freeman said the clothing items won’t be worn by Medina other than for campaign appearances. After the campaigning is over, she said they’ll be donated to charity.

Unlike Ms. Medina, Juanita will be doing her campaign shopping at HSN and local boutiques.  “The Limited?  Are you kidding me?  Nobody wants an elected official who shops at The Limited,” Juanita says.  “Plus, there’s no listing for Victoria’s Secret, proving once again that Republican women wear expensive clothes with tacky underwear.”

“I promise that as I represent you as whatever it is I’m running for, I will have great underwear,” she smiles.  “Democratic women have great underwear.  You can write that down somewhere.”

Welcome to the new place.  Over to the right will explain what’s going on and you can meander around the other pages to catch up to where everybody else is playing.

We’re still working out the kinks.  So let me know if something’s not working right.  Not that I’ll do anything about it, but you’ll feel so much better for having proved yourself smarter than I am.

Right now, because of people like Charlie and Chris, your comments have to be approved.  I am trying to figure out how to let people I know post without approval while keeping the old kinky Republican men from spending all day typing Rush’s radio program on my website because they can’t get dates, friends, laid, a meaning to life, or a golf foursome.

I have often been amused by bloggers who rail against the corporate media and then get themselves paid to support candidates as “consultants.”  While I reserve the right to donate to candidates, I do not take money from any of them.  I do, however, get paid to do hair.  I just wanted to be clear on that.