Reminder:  Top Ten Results of Electing a Libertarian President

1.  Your new favorite charitable cause? Meat inspection.

2.  Cheerfully decorated tip jars at stop signs to pay for roads.

3.  The National Weather Service to be replaced by your Uncle Buster’s rain gauge.

4.  The Texas lottery will now handle sewage disposal. You win the lottery, we take your sewage.

5.  New research reveals that clean water flowing into your house is unnecessary and likely to be the cause of obesity, bad breath, and the disco craze.

6.  Mugging victims must now dial Call-a-Bubba. You call Bubba, and he comes over and shoots something.

7.  Juanita’s Fried Pies will proudly provide the ingredients for some heartwarming s’mores if your house catches on fire.

8.  Elections will now be run by Guy Fieri of the Cooking Channel.

9.  In case of another attack on U.S. soil, you will be given a complimentary Trailways bus ticket to a foreign country of your choice.

10.  U.S. motto “E Pluribus Unum” will be replaced with “Get the Hell Off My Lawn!”